Dude, yesterday was like Christmas. New computer! New iPod! New scanner/printer/copier thing that may or may not also julienne vegetables!
My wee little mind, it is blown.
Anyway, I have to remain Very! Excited! about all of this, to help lessen the reaction I will have when the bill arrives. I mean, yes, business deductions and all of that (the printer and iPod were free, even), but you know, it PAINS ME to spend money. Especially since it’s not as though I can recoup the money from my other stupid computers. Otto did suggest that we get a boat… seeing as how we’d be all set for anchors…. (Ba dum DUM!)
I got a three-year warranty, so there will be no more flagrant spending of technology funds for at least that long. And I will continue to ignore Otto’s excited babbling about the drop in price on the iPhone because I CANNOT HEAR HIM LALALALALALALA!
Anyway, I am clinging to this new iPod for dear life, because I think it may help me to shut out this confusing world which I cannot comprehend. I mean, sure, occasionally I am still going to have to deal with other humans, but I hope to minimize that as much as possible.
[Oh, I’m not talking about YOU. You’re great. Not to mention pretty. And you have so many corn recipes! We had a Mexican casserole thing last night with about half the leftover corn (chicken, corn, salsa, spinach tortillas, sour cream) and it was delicious. Tonight: Corn pudding! Viva la corn!]
So, I think I’ve mentioned that our new health insurance leaves me less than enthused. Both the HMO and our chosen primary doctor have not thrilled me. And part of what bothers me about the HMO is that their physician-finder (I just typed physician-finger which is something altogether different, I suspect) gives next to no information about a doctor other than their title. That was how I ended up having them recommend a doctor who doesn’t actually see children for my kids (useful!), and how I ended up making some phone calls yesterday that made me hate people.
I need a new gynecologist. (You’re welcome.) I need someone who specializes in early menopause and hormone replacement, because I went into surgical menopause at the ripe old age of 33 and for those of you unfamiliar with the workings of the female system, that is VERY EARLY to be giving up on Mother Nature’s little gift of estrogen. Synthetic hormone replacement is a great big pain in the patootie, because no one has figured out how to regulate it as well as, say, A WORKING PAIR OF OVARIES typically does it.
So it is nice to have a doctor who specializes in this sort of thing, so that when I have to go in and say I HAVE HAD A MIGRAINE FOR TEN DAYS, PLEASE KILL ME they generally know what to do.
Of course, the HMO’s directory tells me nothing other than “does vaginas.” And NATURALLY the doctor I found on my own (okay, he was recommended to me) isn’t covered on my plan. So I started making phone calls.
Her: Hello, Giant Vagina Practice, may I help you?
Me: Yes, hi, I’m looking for a new gynecologist. I see that you have six doctors in your practice who are all part of my health care plan, Stupid HMO.
Her: Mmmhmmm, yes, that’s right, you can see any of them.
Me: I need someone who specializes in early menopause and hormone replacement. Do any of your doctors focus in that?
Her: Mmmhmmm, all of them.
Me: Ummmm… ALL of them?
Her: Yes ma’am.
*crickets chirp while I try to choose my words carefully*
Me: Yes, um, well, I’m sure that they all HANDLE menopause, but I am looking for someone who SPECIALIZES in it. Do you have anyone like that?
Her: *getting impatient* They ALL do, every single one of them. They’re exactly the same, all six doctors specialize in everything.
[The Princess Bride starts playing through my brain. “That word… I do not think it means what you think it means.”]
Me: Um, that’s not specializing. If everyone does it? Then it’s not a specialty.
Her: Well THEY ALL do it.
Me: Okay. Uh. When’s the earliest I could get an appointment?
Her: November 20something now that you have pissed me off what with your picky insistence that I make sense.
(Okay, she didn’t really qualify that last bit. But the message was clear.)
Me: I… am going to have to call you back.
Then I called another practice. And they gave me an appointment in less than two weeks. Plus they did not try to convince me that “every doctor specializes in every thing,” which made me feel better in general. But I still plan to bring my iPod and just zone out rather than risk getting into another altercation with a secretary.