Jewel of India, mind of fruit fly

By Mir
May 8, 2007

I went to the spaaaaaaaaaaaa (I say it just like that, you know, because it is FANCY with more As) today and had a pedicure. It was lovely. An extremely gay man checked me in and took my jacket and fetched me a cup of coffee, and after a bit a sweet young thing took me into the nail room. I arranged myself in the big chair (heated herbal neck wrap! aahhhh!) and stuck my winter-hardened, craggy feet into the bubbly whirlpool.

I leaned back, sighed, and told the nail girl that I loved her. I think she was scared.

I drank my coffee and read my book and tried not to flinch or scream while she sanded twelve pounds of dead skin off of my feet.

In the next chair sat a woman whom the coffee-fetching gay man and all of the nail girls knew by name. She was clearly a regular. Unlike me, she knew exactly where to put her shoes, when to put her feet down into the water and when to bring them up, when to bend at the knee and when to keep her leg straight. Me, I was an uncooperative mannequin, guessing wrong more than half the time.

She also had what looked (to my untrained eye) like a perfect pedicure when she ARRIVED. No matter. Now she was having OPI I’m Not Really A Waitress applied. Given her aura of privilege, I seriously doubted anyone would ever mistake her for a waitress.

“What color would you like?” asked my kind and attentive foot servant. (Get it? Pedicure? Foot servant?) I started looking around for nail polish bottles, but she handed me a small plastic basket filled with clusters of fake nails. Each little rack of ten had ten different colors with the names written on a little tab to the side. Cute.

“I should’ve brought my dress,” I muttered, pawing through the basket’s contents, trying not to think of it as a basket of fingers, trying to remember exactly what the shade of pink in my dress looked like.

“Oh, where are you going?” she asked.

“I’m, uh, not going anywhere. I’m getting married on Friday.” Both nail girls and Ms. Spa in the chair next to me oohed and aahed and asked questions. All seemed disappointed with my answers (small ceremony, no reception, brief jaunt to the mountains to honeymoon). Oh, well. I was too busy trying to pick a color to be too concerned that I was not living up to the usual clientèle.

Finally I settled on Jewel of India. The nail girl nodded her acceptance and padded off to fetch the bottle.

I was sanded and rubbed and filed and trimmed and finally painted, and was pleased with the results. I don’t know if the polish job is worth the exorbitant fee of having it done at the spaaaaaa, but the hour of being pampered was well worth the price of admission. I carefully navigated the stairs, squishy foam toe separators still in place, and drove home with the utmost of care. No need to risk smudging my toes with a sudden stop, or anything.

It wasn’t until about an hour after I got back that I realized I’d left my jacket at the spaaaaaaaa. Whoops!

Fortunately, we’re going back for manicures on Friday, so I can get it then. Of course, I’m going to be even MORE distracted on Friday, so I’m hoping I won’t leave anything else there. Like my kid. We’ll see.


  1. MMM

    “I leaned back, sighed, and told the nail girl that I loved her. I think she was scared.”

    When I was coming out of anesthesia from having my wisdom teeth removed a few months ago, I told the nurse that I would totally marry her….if I wasn’t married…..and I was a lesbian!


  2. Anna

    Mir, you were just experiencing the post-spa high. You could never forget Chickadee at the spa, just screen her magazine choices if you have to wait.

    Really, Chickadee’s teenage years are going to be a blast. It is then that you will need your sense of humor and hers, not to mention margaritas at opportune moments.

  3. Kris

    Lookee what I just found!

    Jewel of India Nail Polish (on ebay of course!)

    Pretty, pretty!

  4. Kris

    Grr…linkie no workie. Go googe the color (for those who want to see, since we weren’t blessed with a picture of your painted piggies.)

  5. Dawn

    *This thread worthless without pictures.*

    But I’ll bet it’s pretty. The colour, that is.

  6. ArizonaGirl

    I think there may be more H’s in Spaaaaaaahhhhhhhh. But it’s a great experience. One I try to go to often on my meager student budget. And pedicures are by far the best. Glad you enjoyed it!

  7. ChristieNY

    I looked up the color on Amazon and they have five different pictures of the bottle of polish and each one appears to be a different shade of pink. No matter though! I’m sure your piggies look beaUtiful!!!

  8. becky

    mmmm, planning to go to the spaaaaaaa sometime after graduation. probably in june. i hope they have someone who specializes in prenatal massage. if not, eh. the mud bath will be fah-bulous!

    less than a week til the hitchin’. eeeeee!

  9. Zee

    I think I own both of those colors: I’m Not Really A Waitress AND Jewel of India. How sad is it I can picture exactly what they look like in my mind? :-D

    I love me a good pedicure but usually it’s a treat I can only work into the budget once a year or so. So I do my toenails at home. Not quite as relaxing, but cheaper!

    Glad you’re doing some self-pampering!

  10. creative-type dad

    I should start something like this for men. Except instead of Jewel of India, it could be Castrol Motor Oil.

    I bet guys would go for it.

  11. Lady M

    Ha! I relate to feeling out of place at a spa. I had a pedicure last summer on our anniversary getaway, and I haven’t felt that clumsy in eons. Where do I put my feet? Where do I put my purse? When do I move?

  12. Cele

    I think a pedicure is one of the most decadent, just for me things a woman can do for herself. I even enjoy giving them (I use to have a license.) And I did have several male clients when I was in beauty college and in business for pedicure and manicures. Who would have thunk it in rural Oregon.

  13. Kristen

    How about the calf massage?

    Having written that, I realized that I haven’t had a pedicure in 3 years ’cause all I’m seeing in my head now is a baby veal getting his legs rubbed….

    not that your legs look like a baby cow’s though.

  14. Rachel May

    I’m acutally wearing the I’m Not Really a Waitress RIGHT NOW… I love it!!

    Yay for pampering! I totally understand the waiting until a big and special event to pay for a pedicure (I’m so broke I can barely pay attention), but I really think you should promise yourself that you won’t wait until the next wedding to get another one. ;)

  15. MomCat

    I love both colors, too! Embrace the pampering and enjoy your pretty toes — you deserve it!

  16. LadyBug Crossing

    LOL!! I don’t know how you can get a pedicure… I’m so ticklish I’d be squirming the whole time! Can they give you a pedicure and not touch your feet??

  17. Heather

    Oh boy, I loves me some pedicure. I needs me some pedicure. I wish I knew of a good spaaaaa around here with a lovely gay man to fetch me coffee.

  18. Tal

    Ooohh, I think I’ll be booking a pedicure today. I forget how relaxing it can be. I’ve got Lincoln Park After Dark on my toes right now! Yay for primping!

  19. Randi

    I had a pedicure ONCE on our honeymoon – it would’ve been the most amazing hour of my life – if the foot attendant could’ve shut up about purging the toxins out of my body. Yes, Ma’am, I know I’m a fatass….

    Good luck this weekend!!

  20. Elleoz

    I just got back from the spphhaaaa in Tunica MS this past weekend. Each time my DH decides we need to go to the casino there (it is hella hot and humid) I spend the Sunday we return home there. I would totally rather blow a chunk of change getting rubbed and pampered then blow it at the blackjack tables.

    My favorite is the Grand Escape (ooo la la). It is a facial, swedish message, manicure, and pedicure. No wait, it is 4 hours of heaven!

    I too want to see your toes!

  21. Melisa

    I receieved a spaaahhh package as a gift once. The pedicure was my favorite part. Alas, I am too cheap to keep going back, so I have learned to do it myself. I know…it’s sad.

  22. Therese

    How sure are we that the extremely gay man is not now WEARING Mir’s jacket??

  23. Liz

    The hubs and I just got back from the spaaaaaaaa, as a part of our birthday/mother’s day/father’s day/anniversary present and big fat wedding weekend away, without the kids.

    My toes looked nice, until I started mowing the .56 acres of grass and now they just look, you know, green.

  24. Genevieve

    Sounds just lovvvvvvvvely! Yay for the pre-wedding pampering. Maybe Chickadee can be in charge of remembering to get your jacket on Friday. It might keep her out of the magazines. On the other hand, you can use the levity on Friday . . .

  25. Catherine

    I’m a reformed pedi addict with a penchant for OPI colors. Jewel of India was my first. Oh, how I remember her fondly. Now she sits quietly in my linen closet waiting to be let out again.

    Do buy a bottle so that you can touch of your toes before the big day. I always found a way to scrape something off the big toe before an evening out.

  26. Liise

    I remember my first OPI love. Mother Road Rose… *sniff*

  27. jenn2

    I’m going on Friday and will be bringing in my own bottle of nail polish, since that’s what all the cool spa kids do. (OPI’s It’s All Greek To Me, if you were wondering.)

    It’s worth the extra for the spaaaaa because at the store front shops, they use a DREMEL! No I am not joking. A freakin’ DREMEL!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

  28. Chelle

    Love, love, love Jewel of India. Of course, I’m a total ho for the OPI but, still! I have no doubt your toes look every bit as gorgeous as the rest of you. Congratulations!

  29. Heidi

    Ha! I clicked on the link Beth posted to see the color, and couln’t help but notice the lovely shade of Will You Mari-achi Me was listed. Just saying, it’s oh so appropropriate.

  30. Shining

    I got a pedicure once. And never again. I’m too ticklish. I can vividly remember the look on the technician’s face.

  31. Mrs. Schmitty

    Sounds like a piece of heaven…I gotta get me one of those for my tootsies!

  32. Susan

    Ooh, you have me looking forward to my pedicure on Friday. And Jewel of India is one of my favorites! (I have it, in fact.)

    I did my fingers and toes in I’m Really Not a Waitress back in 1999, when I was due to go into the hospital for my c-section. It’s been a popular color for a long time now!

  33. Heather S.

    I love having a pedicure they are awesome but never had one at a spa

  34. Mom101

    I swear Mir, I took myself to the local salon for a quick pre-l&d pedi and I thought of you. Who knew at that very moment that you were doing the same! Well, the pedi part. Not thinking of me…I hope.

    Now I think you need to post a photo of those nails.

  35. Heather

    Sounds like fun! We’re getting mani/pedis for my sister’s wedding next weekend so I’m quite looking forward to my “first time.” My feet could sure use it – winter feet just aren’t hot :P

  36. mcewen

    Glad you managed some ‘time out.’
    Best wishes

  37. Pastormac's Ann

    Hope “big your day” on Friday is wonderful! Best wishes for many many blessed years together!

  38. birchsprite

    Hey just saw your twitter and wanted to say good luck for tomorrow!! Will be thinking of you and looking forward to hearing all about it!

    My twitter id is

  39. rose

    1. How does one determine a degree of gayness, as in ranging from “somewhat” to “extremely”
    2. And I’m guessing he told you he was “extremely gay” or at least “gay”?
    3. Were you able to determine the sexual orientation of the “regular” and the “foot servant”? If so, why didn’t you mention them, since it was so important to note the “extreme” gayness of the man that checked you in?

  40. julie

    “she sanded 12 pounds of dead skin off of my feet”…well, that’s one way to drop a few before a big day, but not gonna help me fit in my dress. My shoes, maybe. ;)

    Have a beautiful next few days. Celebrate & enjoy!

  41. Susan

    Rose needs to lighten up.

  42. kandle

    I’m with Susan. Lay off Rose.

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