On Saturdays Monkey goes to a social skills group. It’s a nice little thing where he and five other kids who can’t seem to interact with others for longer than ten minutes without having a big hairy hissy fit all work together to learn new things. Like how to read others’ facial expressions! Like alternatives to screaming in frustration! Like how to complete a given task for a trip to the prize box! The sad truth is that when Monkey tells me about a kid in the group who can’t grasp something that he has no problems with (for example, empathy isn’t one of his issues; he can read facial expressions just fine and wants nothing more than to comfort the afflicted, provided they haven’t just stomped on his Legos), I secretly comfort myself with the knowledge that “at least we don’t have to worry about THAT.”
The group lasts just 45 minutes, so we sit and wait. It’s not really enough time to go DO anything while he’s in there, and I’m unwilling to risk not being there the second he gets out. I suspect that would cause him to have one of those gigantic meltdowns that got him into this group in the first place.
This actually has nothing to do with him, but you needed to know why we were there.
I told Chickadee to bring a book with her. I had my own book and was looking forward to a bit of quiet reading. Well, Chickie felt it necessary to complain all the way there that she HATES sitting there while Monkey has group, because it is BORING and she doesn’t FEEL like reading and WOE IS HER. (Pointing out that he sits through her THREE Tae Kwon Do classes every week only quiets her for about five minutes, in case you were wondering.)
So we arrived, and Monkey went off to his group, and I tried to read my book. We’re sitting there in the waiting room with about four other parents and no other kids—much to Chickadee’s dismay—and she decided to find a way to amuse herself.
First she climbed all over me and demanded to know what I was reading and what it was about. Then she spied a WebMD magazine on the chair next to me and grabbed it up and announced she would read THAT.
“I don’t think you’re going to find that very interesting,” I told her, even while I turned back to my own book. I was glad she was maybe going to stop batting at my book for a few minutes.
“I am going to take this quiz!” she announced. I looked over. When she’d picked it up, the magazine fell open to a two-page spread which was titled in a font about four inches tall: HOW HEALTHY IS YOUR SEX LIFE?
My book dropped to the floor as I reached for the magazine. “Yeah, um, I don’t think so.” She clambered over to the next chair while waving me away. “You do NOT need to be taking any quizzes about your sex life.” A couple of the other parents looked up.
“Let’s see!” she said, undeterred. “Do I smoke? No, I do not.” She made a sweeping hand gesture to approximate putting a check mark on the page.
I couldn’t help it. I started laughing.
“Chickadee, give me the magazine, please.”
“No thank you!” she chirped. “I would like to see if I am having THE GOOD SEX!” (I guess any fears I had about scarring her with the facts of life were unnecessary.)
What happened next can only be described as a wrestling match for the magazine, made even more embarrassing by the fact that I could not stop giggling. She had my number; she knew she was being inappropriate but that I found it funny, and so I was sunk before it started.
As I flailed around trying to grab the magazine (oh, WebMD; you LOOKED so harmless) from her, she continued loudly announcing the questions. “Am I obese? I don’t think so! Am I often too tired for sex? I’m not sure!”
I guess it was lucky that she did that right at the therapist’s office. Maybe I should’ve left her there. Monkey can learn how not to call people stupidhead and she can spend the next 10 years talking about how her perceptions of sex are colored by a magazine quiz and her mother’s hysterical laughter.
Haha – love it! That is just gold. Now make sure you remind her about this when she is 21!
Oh my goodness!! This is so funny that I had to call my both my sisters at 12:30 AM to relay the story.
Thank you for sharing your giggles with me. I needed to laugh.
Too funny. My mom was asking my 4YO if he was allowed to watch movies with sex (don’t even ask) and he said no. My mom asked if he knew what sex was. He said no, but he wasn’t allowed to watch it :)
I’ve often wondered why people have Camcorders. This is why, but people never have them when you really want them. Couldn’t you imagine showing the video to her years from now.
Levity sure is a nice tension breaker, isn’t it?
Chickadee has got to be one of the funniest kids around. Glad she got your sense of humour….
LOL!!!!
Better you than me!!!
Hysterical and probably the most interesting doctor’s office waiting room anecdote I’ve heard in a long time.
I loves me some Chickie.
What a funny kid. It’s so neat that she has such a great sense of humor, and even better that she has a Mom who can see the humor in a hillarious situation. hehehe
I hope there weren’t too many evil eyes from the other parents in the room! Good thing Chickadee can be so funny and smart, to offset the other times (is she now going to admonish you to have “the good sex” on Sunday night?).
Delightfully wicked sense of humor on that kid. Can’t imagine where she got it. *snork*
Okay, first?
“at least we don’t have to worry about THAT.â€
This is why I have kids and proudly take them everywhere. Behind me you can hear a parents’ chorus of “better them than me!”
Also? the magazine is high-larious. At least she wasn’t asking other folks for their answers…
Hahahahaha.
And this is why you must not sell Chickadee to the gypsies.
Yep, she’s a keeper!
Oh man, that sounds hilarious! Those giggling fit moments with kids are so necessary sometimes. I love it when my kids get to see that I’m as big a goofball as they are.
*snort* That Chickadee, she sure is funny.
I could just see this happening with my own daughter….she often gets my humor and uses it against me as well.
Re: Monkey’s group, I e-mailed you awhile back re: his “issues.” My daughter has recently been diagnosed with Sensory Integration Dysfunction and I wasn’t sure if that was his “box” too…I’m just so new to all of this that any input from other parents (vs. books and clinicians) has been very helpful. Just wanted to make sure you got the e-mail – and I know this week is probably not the best one for a response, given the wedding – but anything you think might be helpful would be really appreciated when you can.
Thanks!
Heather
Lord Love a DUCK! That child is SO funny!
If only a magazine could actually tell you if were having “THE GOOD SEX!”.
Tell you IF you…IF you were having…
Wow. That is so funny. Did she at least make it through the session? What an adorable little girl.
P.S. I tagged you. I’m not sure if you do memes, but it’s something fun to do.
In instances like this, wouldn’t it be great if we all had thought bubbles that just popped out and hovered, cartoon-like, over our heads? I would have LOVED to read what the other parents were thinking:
“Oh my GOD, can’t she control that girl? Why isn’t she in the room with my kid, too?”
“Frisky one, that child. Wonder how the mother handles this one?”
“Hmmm… am I having The Good Sex?”
Of course, there are many, many other instances when thought bubbles would not be so convenient (read: whenever my mother-in-law visits), but in this case, they would have been fun.
Oh my gosh, I am laughing so hard. You needed a warning in the beginning of this story…DO NOT DRINK DIET COKE AND READ THIS :)
Oh man, I would have laughed, too! So funny!
I was waiting for the good questions. I did like that she wasn’t SURE if she was too tired for sex. That’s the exact moment you could have realized that you didn’t have anything to worry about…
Don’t worry – all just fodder for the eventual Psychiatric Couch. (Question, though: your’s or her’s?)
How very funny. I love it… and I love Chickie. Make sure you save this post, laminate it, and present it to her for a wedding present. Or… maybe you could even read it aloud at one of her showers ;-)
Cracked me up so much…..kids’ say the darndest things don’t they???
HAH! That Chickie. She’s a funny one.
Odd that this came up for you today. Kasia told me today how she was soooo upset that she couldn’t go to the skating party at school today because we’re going to an Awana awards ceremony for her sister. Imagine that! Having to give up your social life for your sister’s awards ceremony.
And I promptly shut her up (for about give minutes, much like Chickie) with teh fact that Emily sits through 3 TKD sessions a week AND tournaments AND black belt pretests AND EXTRA PRACTICES for the BB test….etc, etc, etc.
I swear we had this discussion about 3:30 this afternoon.
Now if only she’d go find a sex survey to read out loud! LOL!
You should feel lucky she didn’t ask if you and Otto are having “THE GOOD SEX”!