I’ve spent the entire evening cleaning my house. I have a horrible crick in my neck from clutching the phone with my shoulder so as to have my nightly call with Otto with changing bed sheets and scrubbing bathrooms. My fingers are all slightly burned from the toxic magic that is the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. I have dusted in the far corners and the shoes have all been lined up.
We dropped the price on the house. I have two showings tomorrow. As I have recently decided that I shall lose my ever-lovin’ mind if the house isn’t under contract before the wedding, my hopes are neurotically high. If there are no bites after this weekend I plan to import someone whose house sold, like, the second she put it on the market and suck all of the good house-selling karma out of her by any means necessary. As Susan is unlikely to be down with that plan, let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.
So! Let’s not talk about that. Let’s catch up on various items of interest.
* I’ve secured a reservation at Ye Olde Local Big Fancyish Hotel for our wedding dinner. I should’ve just called them first, but if I’d done that, well, I wouldn’t be me. Anyway. Done.
* Otto’s ring is en route from Ireland, according to the Fed Ex tracking.
* Chickadee got her gum stitches out today and they said she looks good. I think she looks like someone punched her in the mouth, but what do I know.
* I picked up everyone’s finery from the dry cleaner today, and everything is pressed and altered as required. My dress was hung on a cardboard form of a woman’s torso, which means that between the cardboard boobs and the pads I had sewn in, man, did my dress looked stacked. I am now considering wearing the cardboard, too.
* According to Fed Ex, Otto’s ring is coming in… two boxes. Maybe they like me so much, they’ve decided to send me something extra. I’m hoping for a pot of gold!
* Both kids have some imitation Crocs by Skechers that they love. I found a sale on the same shoes and decided to buy the next size up for Chickadee. She’s wearing a 3, so I ordered her a 4. The 4s arrived and are exactly one size SMALLER than her 3s.
* I called Joshilyn from Target yesterday to ask her what brand of foundation I should buy if I wanted to wear foundation for my wedding so as to cover my rotten skin on a day when I would probably have to have my picture taken. She treated me to what was probably a much-needed lecture about what sort of make-up can be bought on the cheap and what can’t, and now I am off to the MALL (I hate the mall!) to spend a small fortune this weekend, I bet. I called a girlfriend and begged her to come along, because I fear the ladies in the white coats behind the shiny counters.
* It takes over an hour to vacuum my entire house.
* The piece on my dishwasher front that’s been “broken” for years was actually easily fixed in about two minutes with a screwdriver. I feel sort of silly, now.
* If I want to live in a house that’s clean I apparently need to have showings at least every week. It’s been a couple of weeks since the last showing and it seems like I was starting from scratch, cleaning-wise.
* My children never throw ANYTHING away.
* Apparently voting for this thing is still going on. In case you wanted to vote. Have I mentioned how pretty you’re looking today?
And a Confession
* Two nights ago I looked up from my desk and beheld a largish spider on the carpet. Ever since a certain incident last summer I am a bit skittish about spiders. So I took the cup I’d been drinking water from off my desk and upended it on the spider. And left it there. Tonight, I lifted the cup, found the spider still alive, and promptly vacuumed him up.