This post typed with pruney fingertips

By Mir
April 26, 2007

I’ve spent the entire evening cleaning my house. I have a horrible crick in my neck from clutching the phone with my shoulder so as to have my nightly call with Otto with changing bed sheets and scrubbing bathrooms. My fingers are all slightly burned from the toxic magic that is the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. I have dusted in the far corners and the shoes have all been lined up.

We dropped the price on the house. I have two showings tomorrow. As I have recently decided that I shall lose my ever-lovin’ mind if the house isn’t under contract before the wedding, my hopes are neurotically high. If there are no bites after this weekend I plan to import someone whose house sold, like, the second she put it on the market and suck all of the good house-selling karma out of her by any means necessary. As Susan is unlikely to be down with that plan, let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.

So! Let’s not talk about that. Let’s catch up on various items of interest.

Good News

* I’ve secured a reservation at Ye Olde Local Big Fancyish Hotel for our wedding dinner. I should’ve just called them first, but if I’d done that, well, I wouldn’t be me. Anyway. Done.

* Otto’s ring is en route from Ireland, according to the Fed Ex tracking.

* Chickadee got her gum stitches out today and they said she looks good. I think she looks like someone punched her in the mouth, but what do I know.

* I picked up everyone’s finery from the dry cleaner today, and everything is pressed and altered as required. My dress was hung on a cardboard form of a woman’s torso, which means that between the cardboard boobs and the pads I had sewn in, man, did my dress looked stacked. I am now considering wearing the cardboard, too.

Confusing News

* According to Fed Ex, Otto’s ring is coming in… two boxes. Maybe they like me so much, they’ve decided to send me something extra. I’m hoping for a pot of gold!

* Both kids have some imitation Crocs by Skechers that they love. I found a sale on the same shoes and decided to buy the next size up for Chickadee. She’s wearing a 3, so I ordered her a 4. The 4s arrived and are exactly one size SMALLER than her 3s.

* I called Joshilyn from Target yesterday to ask her what brand of foundation I should buy if I wanted to wear foundation for my wedding so as to cover my rotten skin on a day when I would probably have to have my picture taken. She treated me to what was probably a much-needed lecture about what sort of make-up can be bought on the cheap and what can’t, and now I am off to the MALL (I hate the mall!) to spend a small fortune this weekend, I bet. I called a girlfriend and begged her to come along, because I fear the ladies in the white coats behind the shiny counters.


* It takes over an hour to vacuum my entire house.

* The piece on my dishwasher front that’s been “broken” for years was actually easily fixed in about two minutes with a screwdriver. I feel sort of silly, now.

* If I want to live in a house that’s clean I apparently need to have showings at least every week. It’s been a couple of weeks since the last showing and it seems like I was starting from scratch, cleaning-wise.

* My children never throw ANYTHING away.


* Apparently voting for this thing is still going on. In case you wanted to vote. Have I mentioned how pretty you’re looking today?

And a Confession

* Two nights ago I looked up from my desk and beheld a largish spider on the carpet. Ever since a certain incident last summer I am a bit skittish about spiders. So I took the cup I’d been drinking water from off my desk and upended it on the spider. And left it there. Tonight, I lifted the cup, found the spider still alive, and promptly vacuumed him up.


  1. becky

    yay for the good news!

    and the munchkin (who’s now 19) is DEATHLY afraid of spiders. even plastic ones. she would totally feel for you.

    i’m afraid my house won’t be clean until we move. because we have a tiny place for 3 people (soon 4!) and a lot of clutter. i’m going to be de-cluttering over the summer. i’m already chomping at the bit, but must wait 3 more weeks for school to be out. and then, watch out!

  2. Sheryl

    So I take it the nice people who were supposed to buy your house haven’t sold theirs? Is there any hope for that to come through?

  3. Jen

    I just read your spider post from last summer and looked at the pictures.

    I am alone in my house right now, and I am afraid to turn around.

  4. Zee

    Oh lord. Spiders. Ew. If yesterday’s spider was even half the size of the one last summer I’d be packing my bags and heading out the door… Ugh. That thing was just… ew.

    And the make-up thing? For the love of all that is holy, take the money you were going to spend on the make-up itself and instead hire someone to do your make up for you on your wedding day. Knowing what stuff costs at those counters, you’ll probably save yourself money by not having to buy all the stuff you’ll only use once or twice. Plus, the make-up specialist folks know what stuff to use (and what not to use) so you don’t inadvertently end up looking like a clown in all your wedding pictures. Apparently the flash does funny things to faces that are powedered? Or something? I don’t know. You’re marrying the photographer, after all. :-D

    Anyway, where to find these people? Well… when a friend of mine got married and I was in her wedding, I went down to the local Nordstrom and had the nice lady at the Clinique counter do it for free, a couple hours before the ceremony. I felt obligated to buy a lipstick and some other little thing, but the total was only ~$25. My friend, the bride, went to a little salon and had hers done there. Super easy, not too expensive, no problems with clown face!

    So. My .10. ;-)

  5. Rachel May

    OK, I read all of the other entry and the comments and laughed out loud (even at 5:45 in the morning) until I had tears in my eyes. THAT was hilarious!!! I’m a bit squicked out by spiders at my house. I love seeing them in nature (even just in the yard), but I draw the line on/in/touching-in-any-way my house.

    I’d vote for the cardboard boobs, but it makes me think of what my hubby says about push-up bras – they’re false advertising. Not that anyone thinks you would be advertising your boobs on your wedding day… I mean, it’s kind of the opposite of advertising yourself since you’re getting married and all… Ok, I’ll stop rambling now.

  6. Brigitte

    There was a drowned spider curled up at the bottom of our feral cat’s water dish, so I dumped it out to change the water . . . and it uncurled and ran off – eeuurgh!

    Are you experienced with applying foundation? I never have luck with it. It either looks like I have on some kind of freaky mask, or like I didn’t put it on at all (though I can FEEL it, it makes my face feel weird and stiff). Maybe have an experienced make-up friend do your face (with a pre-wedding try, in case you hate it)?

  7. Anna


    Magic Eraser is my new addiction. Sounds like your karma is on the upswing (with the exception of the Croc shoe incident). If Otto’s ring arrives before the house showing perhaps the little leprachauns will sprinkle magic dust on your potential buyers.

    Still have your “Do not track mud in the home I cleaned for your viewing pleasure” sign?

  8. Sara

    Oh those ladies in their white coats scare the bajeebers outta me! I would definitely need company on an outing such as that one. Good luck.

  9. Katrina Stonoff

    Oh, good that everything’s on track now, and that Chickadee is healing (or at least that they say she is).

    That spider story was hilarious!

  10. jenn2

    could you please send me pictures so i remember what a clean house looks like?

    and no cracks about my lack of capitals. i have been holding big red since 3:30 and he will not be put down.

  11. Sheila

    Is the cardboard flesh-colored?

  12. ChristieNY

    Definitely have your makeup done FOR you on your wedding day… it’s SO worth it! You’ll thank me when you look back @ your wedding pics! :)

  13. Mama Bear

    I’m a recent reader to your blog. Love it, BTW! So backtracked to take a look at your spider. EEK! I hope you live somewhere far, far away from where I live, because if there are spiders anywhere near that size in the state I live in…. HELP! Love your blog and am sending good house-selling vibes in your direction!

  14. Summer

    Yes, you definitely want to go to the makeup counters at the department store, but here’s the trick… ask for a SAMPLE of foundation. If you don’t wear foundation daily, you don’t need a whole big bottle, and most high-end cosmetic counters will happily fill a teensy plastic bottle with several applications worth of foundation. Tell them you need to see how it wears over the course of your workday before you invest in a big bottle, or some story along those lines. That’s what I did before my wedding.

    It’s a bit too late to do this before your wedding, but I’ve become a huge fan of mineral makeup in the last year (easy to apply! feels good on face! contains natural sunscreen!). I get mine from, which offers a very generous free sample kit, yours for a mere $4 or so for shipping. Knowing I got a bargain makes me look prettier, right?

  15. Melanie Marie

    Thank God you called Joshilyn and that she spoke such wise words to you!

    Um, please don’t ever mention that incident again! I know I shouldn’t have looked, but I did and I’ve had nightmares ever since!

  16. Heidi

    Wow, Summer, I just went to and ordered up the free sample kit for a whopping $3.67 for shipping. You must be pretty, too!

    And Mir, going to a professional on the day of your wedding is a really, really good idea. Maybe try ’em out beforehand to know it’ll be what you want, then you’ll know on the Big Day that there will be no worries in that department.

  17. Bethany

    Ahh..weddings. I’m glad things are going well!

    In college, I lived in a duplex with my brother and his best friend. One summer, a nest of HUGE bumblebees settle somewhere under our home and our house became infested with them over the course of a few days. The guys worked third shift, so I was home alone a lot. I was afraid to kill the notoriously aggressive bees (even the exterminator we called to take care of them said LEAVE THEM ALONE!) so I’d cover each one with a glass. The guys would come home in the morning to find a house full of upturned glasses and dispose of the bees.

    I never thought of vacuuming them up! Good call.

  18. The Other Leanne

    Yeah, definitely hire the professional make-up people because, you know, if it’s not perfect at least you can blame someone else!
    Spider in the bathtub yesterday morning…I’ve never seen a spider resist the drain so determinedly. It was truly heroic and I felt a little bad, but mostly I worried he was gonna crawl outta there and decide my foot was an island of safety in those storm-tossed seas (shudder!). It was a really quick shower!

  19. Liise

    Why thank you, I am totally hungover so the “Pretty” compliment made me feel evah so much bettah. Save the barfiness.

  20. Stephanie

    If two nights under a drinking glass did not kill the spider, getting sucked into a vacuum cleaner most certainly will not do it. It is going to crawl out when you least expect it and “get” you.
    My daughter has soccer practice two nights a week, and instead of practicing, she combs the field for lady bugs (much like Snoopy letting the ants cross the baseball field). She saves them in her pocket and then lets them loose in the car. Every where I look I see lady bugs crawling around. I am having nightmares of being swarmed by them like in the creepshow movie with the cockroaches. I watch too much TV. :)

  21. Shining

    Why’d you have to bring up that spider AGAIN? *shudder* I had just gotten over my nightmares from that hideous creature. *waaaah*

    I noticed you said WE dropped the price on the house. ah, married life awaits.

  22. Susan

    I will not ONLY come to town and spread my good real estate karma all over your house, I will take you to the mall to buy foundation. Because Joshilyn is right. (I am partial to the Origins line of foundations, if you were wondering, which you’re probably not.)

  23. kate setzer kamphausen

    How interesting that you should say I look pretty today. Because I DO. Casual Friday be damned, I’m in pink tights & heels & the world’s coolest new pink plastic necklace!

    Thanks for confirming my suspicions, Mir.

    And congrats on finding a place to Recept the wedding. I was prayin’ a little, I confess!

  24. tori

    Did you bury one of those statues before trying to sell your house? Did anyone mention trying that?

    I totally had a dream the other night that you wrote a nasty post about me using too many commas in my writing (it’s true, I do). You’ll understand if I am bitchy if I see you in my dreams again…just fair warning if you happen to want to be mean to me again in my dreams.

    Good luck with the house selling and all…Ill be thinking good thoughts for you (while I am awake, because in my dreams I am mad at you).

  25. BOSSY

    Aces – now you remind Bossy why she doesn’t clean.

  26. Kristen

    I can feel that this is the weekend. Your buyer is just around the corner. Keep the faith.

  27. Sandee

    Have you buried St. Joseph in the yard yet?

  28. meghann

    OK, the spider post? As I was reading it, a lock of my hair fell onto my arm and I wigged out. Thanks a lot. I’m glad that my mouse, which was hurled to the floor, survived.

    p.s.-those banana spiders the one person mentioned? My grandparents used to get those on their porch. They are from the devil.

  29. Cele

    I’m not afraid of spiders, but then again I’d never heard of a banana spider. After googling and looking at the pictures, I could make an exception.

    Make up. You’ve always seemed to me a natural type girl. If I’m wrong totally ignor me. First Revlon and others do make a mineral foundation that is nice and affordable (although I really really want to try Bare Minerals.) Second, as a former stylist/cosmetologist I want to warn you all make up artist are not created equally. If you decide to go that route, go for a practice run to make sure you are going to like the artist final product. And have a good lunch at the Mall.

  30. Lena

    Mir – RARELY do I laugh out loud and NEVER do I say “I LOL’d!” because it sounds so …messy. But?

    “I’m hoping for a pot of gold.”

    Oh, how I love you.

    Makeup? BARE ESCENTUALS! I have the worst skin ever. The first time I used this I saw results. My skin? Smoothened. My pores? Smallened.

  31. Liz

    Hope you have a good house showing tomorrow. Sending good thoughts!

    (Magic Eraser is great but you should probably wear gloves…heard too many stories of children getting burned by it)

  32. Heather

    Spider story is too funny I hate creepy crawlies too….glad your house is clean love mine that way

  33. ben

    Poor spider, it sucks to go that way.

  34. Melanie

    I’m glad you found a place to eat and have a nice, clean house. I’d totally wear the cardboard boobs. It’d be worth it to see Otto’s eyebrows shoot sky-high at the sudden addition of insane boobage. Did you notice your blog is very heavy on the boobs lately? The porno search hits must be hilarious.

  35. girlymama

    I do the same thing to spiders and leave them for the husband – even if he is on a business trip. Despite being a feminist, I firmly believe that dealing with creepy crawlies is “Man’s Work.”

    Good call with the cardboard boobs. Have you been introduced to my good friend, the Victoria’s Secret gel-bra? (Not sure of the real name) Its not really a joke when my two-year-old hands me my bra and says “Here, Mama! Here are your boobs!”

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