Good news! Through a mixture of planning, assisting, and bribery, I was able to get the kids to clean up the damn playroom already. I know you were all really concerned about it. I discovered that with three of us and about an hour, and a liberal application of “Well, I suppose you COULD keep that, but I wonder if Santa will think you have room for anything else…,” almost anything is possible. If by “almost anything” you mean “enough cleaning happens that the carpet is revealed and can be vacuumed.”
At one point during a tense “you’re really too old for this toy now” negotiation, Monkey became the epitome of generosity and zen. “That’s okay, Mama, you should give that to some little kids who don’t have much. It’s better to give than to receive, anyway.” I was about to gush all over him about what a wonderful sweet boy he is, when he continued on: “Besides, it’s November. Next month is Christmas and Santa comes and then the next month is my birthday, so I think I’m gonna be getting lots and lots of stuff!”
Yep, it was a proud moment.
Anyway, in honor of the afternoon spent diving to the depths of various storage containers (“Does anyone know what this is? Okay, it’s going into the trash, because it’s scaring me a little”), I thought I’d have a quick peek to see what people have been searching for around here, lately. It may not yield a nice tidy room to vacuum, but you can’t win ’em all.
why is my daughter puking in the mornings
I don’t know, but I’d consider changing up the breakfast menu. Just sayin’.
rawhide though my bladder swollen
Uhhhhh… I have no idea how that led here, but I’m afraid.
Dude, you got his name wrong.
what do you find physically attractive
Right, same guy. See above.
fudge judge escalator
Let me ask you this: does he like rawhide?
frenulectomy no penis
I too like to keep my frenulectomies penis-free.
adult tonsillectomy chat room
I’ve never been to one, but I imagine it goes something like this:
Person1: GodDAMN this shit hurts.
Person2: It’s been two weeks and it’s still like swallowing glass.
Person1: I’m going to kill myself.
Person2: Good idea.
we eat eggs and ham
Good for you. Be glad you didn’t have an adult tonsillectomy.
racist elementary school chants chinese japanese
You’re specifically looking for racist chants? Whatever happened to “you’re ugly and your mother dresses you funny?” Kids today, man.
less knowledge know not going
I feel you. That’s how I sound before I’ve had a cup of tea in the morning.
my 401k is lost
Do you think it’ll stop and ask for directions?
honey im sorry for being a failure
That’s sweet. Creepy, but sweet.
so you want to be an orthodontist
Not particularly, but I do hear that’s a good way to get rich.
9 year olds who habitually lie
You mean there are ones who don’t?
the scrotum song
Oh c’mon. EVERYONE knows that one.
mr. miser song
It’s like the scrotum song, but it costs less.
swiffer cant sleep
Offer it a glass of warm milk, or sing it a lullaby.
What happens if a dog eats a turkey carcass
He gets very full.
makeup breast excisional biopsy preparation
Is this like, what sort of makeup to put on your breast? Or it’s a makeup biopsy because the surgeon missed the original?
allergic reaction hands swelling, itching at mall
It’s perfectly normal to break out in hives at the mall. That’s why the good lord invented shopping from home in your pajamas.
underpants bear sex pic
As much as it squicks me out when people come here looking for porn, stuff like this is even worse. WHAT? What does he want? Bears in underpants? Bears having sex? Bears having sex in their underpants? It’s all very wrong.
why were undies invented
I was going to say to keep drafts out, but who knows. Perhaps so that bears can have sex in them.