Let’s make it a contest

Today I am obsessing over Matters Largely Unbloggable™, which leaves me precious little to offer. Not that that’s ever stopped me before. Ahem.

In lieu of anything even smacking of cohesion, I give you the following unrelated bits and also a chance to win a fabulous mystery prize:

Thing the first: We didn’t go to the movies this weekend. The children elected not to finish cleaning the playroom on Saturday, and by the time we got through church and grocery shopping and eating lunch today and I had the AUDACITY to suggest they take another crack at it, their anguished wailing made it clear that tap-dancing penguins are not, it turns out, a very good motivator. Perhaps if they were both tapping AND farting. Who knows.

Thing the second: In a carefully calculated move born of brilliant parenting, sensitive to the moment and my child’s needs, on Friday when the kids said they wanted to get their bikes out, I said, “Sure, and let’s take Monkey’s training wheels off.” (Actual thought process: Bikes. Hey, training wheels. Kid is… almost 7. Wrench? Okay then!) In about half an hour we had established that Monkey can sort of ride his bike, and that I am woefully out of shape. (“Don’t let go! Don’t let go!” “Well, yeah, except, eventually I have to let go or fall over, honey.”)

Thing the third: Guess what I learned today? I learned that if you’re planning on eloping, you absolutely should not mention that to any relatives. Because to just elope would probably annoy certain members of your family, but if they are forewarned they can get on your case about it. Repeatedly. Lesson learned. Kinda wishing I’d learned it earlier so I could’ve taught it to Otto. Sorry, honey.

Thing the fourth: Handy and totally free advice—if you have to follow “I WASN’T STANDING ON HIM!” with “I was just KNEELING on him a little” while your little brother continues crying and gasping for air, you’ve chosen the wrong strategy. Next time, try leading with an apology, and leaving the bickering over semantics out of it.

Thing the fifth: I need a new category to encompass this whole new chapter of my life, and naming it should be easy, because it only has to cover All Things Otto, remarrying, relocating, step-parenting, househunting, house selling, and Changing Every Single Iota Of My Life In The Name of Love. How hard could it be?

So. I’m open to suggestions on the category thing. If someone suggests something brilliant which I feel compelled to use, I’ll send the winner a little something. If no one comes up with anything good, well, then, I guess we’re even.

You have until… oh, let’s say you have 24 hours. Midnight Monday night/Tuesday morning. Go!


  1. Nancy

    I suggest:

    I’m A Slave For Love

    or, you could shorten it to:

    Slave For Love

    That should swank the place up, just like Brittany is these days.

  2. Chana

    Damn. I was all ready to delurk and offer a suggestion… and there’s no way I can beat Slave for Love. That rocks.

  3. beatrice

    Even the LURKERS think that “Slave for Love” is a good category.

  4. danelle


  5. Karin

    Otto Focus

  6. Mary Smith

    Chapter 2, Thing the Fourth.

    You just can’t beat it for specificity.

  7. ChristieNY

    “Fresh Start”

    Congrats on your new chapter ~ wishing you much love and happiness!

  8. Patricia

    OK, I offer three options:

    ‘Chosing Joy’ or ‘Moving On Up’ Though I freely admit it doesn’t allow for the future needs to bitch about the details involved in this total change.

    Hence I offer choice two:

    ‘It’s all Otto’s Fault’

    I also suggest you consider the wedding/move part to be a separate category from Otto and such — since I’m assuming Otto will be around FAR longer than the wedding/move thing.

    And I’m sorry, Otto, as an eloper who told, I should have warned you to KEEP your mouth shut. Next thing you’ll know there will 20+ people flying to Vegas to ‘help’ you. Please forgive me.

  9. meghann

    Life in the Fast Lane!

  10. Amy

    Ottopilot, as in “On Ottopilot”

    (or maybe not. Coffee. I need coffee)

  11. Margaret

    Life: Part II

  12. Brigitte

    Too many good ones already, and my brain is dead from lack of sleep anyway. I do agree with Patricia, however, in that there should be one name for the whole hassle of moving and changing everything, and another for sheer long-term Ottoness. I’ll be back later if brilliance overtakes me (ha!)

  13. Jennifer

    Change is a good thing

    O.k. maybe it’s not clever, but that’s what it’s all about… change. I keep telling myself that sometimes even when I don’t like it when things change and I have no control over it. (I’m a control freak by nature)
    Well, I’ve been reading your blog for quite a while and I am a major lurker, but I wanted to tell you congratulations. I think that you deserve a whole lot of happiness! Single parenting is hard (I know I’m still wearing the t-shirt) and you have done a fantastic job.

  14. Carmen


  15. Sheryl

    How ’bout “The Year Of Living Changerously?”

  16. Sheryl

    Also your readers rock, look at all these awesome suggestions

  17. Melanie Marie

    “Whats love got to do with it?” Because it is not just about love but also about choices, commitment, pain, dedication, understanding, sacrifice… shall I go on?

    Congrats! :)

  18. Alan


  19. Kris

    I think you said it already “All Things Otto.” But, maybe I’m just making things too easy :)

  20. Kim

    How about: There Otto Be A Law?

  21. dad

    You need something that says quick, evolutution, revolution, etc. GW suggests “acceloevoottoization.”
    That’s why he never wins prizes.
    Can you take a phrase from James Herriot: All things Otto great and small?

  22. notsopregnantintexas

    I like, “It’s all Otto’s fault”. That one sounds good to me.

  23. Niki

    Get me Otto here? Alternatively – I Otto be committed?

  24. Beachgal

    instead of onomatopoeia? the formation of words by imitating sounds.

    ottomatopoeia – the formation of a new life, and the story behind it??

    meh, kinda lame, but all that came to mind, since so many other great ones were already posted.

  25. Nichole


    I really like “Ottopilot,” too.

  26. Dave

    How about metaMirphosis.

  27. Rebecca

    I would just call it Chaos:The Love Story! But I do agree that you need to have a seperate Otto category.

  28. julie

    In keeping with would could shoulda… “Doing.” (I’d say done, but obviously it’s present tense)

    Or along the lines of audiophyle: OttoPhyle (OttoFile?)

  29. el-e-e

    I have to say… as much as we all love Otto and are SO VERY GLAD for your life changes… I’m really going to miss “I’m dating the television.” That one made me crack up every time. I think one of the best-named blog categories in history. :)

    Maybe I’ll come back later with an entry. So far all I can think of is (We Go Together like) Peas and Carrots.

  30. Heather

    It’s “All Otto Love”

  31. SneakyPeek

    How about “Love is Blind”. It’s true in both good ways and bad ways. Either way, I can’t wait to read all about it.

  32. Aimee

    Ya know, I was going to try to come up with something, but then I saw Dave’s entry (metaMirphosis) above and was slain by its brilliance. Go with that one!

  33. Stephanie Chance

    How about What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

  34. Bill

    With a name like Woulda Coulda Shoulda a couple things come to mind:

    1 – Did
    2 – Finally Did
    3 – Woulda Coulda Shoulda – Did!

    and changing themes

    3 – Mr. Mir ( or Mister Mir)
    4 – Sir Mir
    5 – OttoMir
    6 – Motto (to stick w/ the concatenation theme)

  35. BethR

    It’s probably too long and too Billy-Joel-centric, but I propose “Got A New Wife, Got A New Life, And The Family Is Fine”.

  36. Cele

    Woah Dave you scare me, that is almost what I thought up.


  37. alice

    Lots of good ideas above. I thought of ‘Southern Comfort’ before I started reading, though, and I still like it! That and FrankenFamily – I love my stepfamily, but sometimes it really does feel like Gene Wilder has come in and gone crazy with the tinkering and the electric shocks to the system.

  38. Jenn2

    Wow, your readers are very pretty and smart. They’d be prettier and smarter than my readers, but I don’t have any. So, um okay…

    What We Do For Love?
    Poor Otto?
    Otto, Otto, Bo Botto?
    Be Jealous, He’s All Mine? (This is my favorite, ’cause it can be sincere or sarcastic. See how clever?)

    I have to say though, Slave For Love rocks. And MetaMIRphosis is AWESOME! *insert headbanging and rock on finger signs* God, I need me some coffee.

  39. Dawn

    Oh, I love “It’s All Otto’s Fault”.

    However, other suggestions:
    -It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time
    -The Things We Do For Love

  40. rachel

    I shouldn’t have read the comments, because now all I can think of is how awesome those are, and I can’t come up with anything original. I’m usually pretty good at naming things, too. bah.

    I do wish you all the happiness in the world. And that Chickadee and Monkey are as happy with their step-dad as I am with mine (my dad & step-dad both walked me down the aisle at my wedding).

  41. daysgoby

    How about
    I Did?
    (agree to this/move here/say I wanted that/leave that there/etc etc etc)

    I think you’re going to have a hard time picking a name. Your commenters are neat!

  42. Liise

    “I didn’t need that pesky ‘sanity’ anyway”

    “this thing called love”

    “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”


  43. Bob

    The Rocky Otto Picture Show

    best I can do on a monday morning.

  44. bec 36

    Here’s mine: Otto Iotas (based on “Changing Every Single Iota Of My Life In The Name of Love”).

    It doesn’t make much sense but it is fun to say.

    bec :D

  45. Christina

    Those are all too clever for me to compete, but I got a good laugh!

  46. lisa in NJ

    How about:
    What am I nuts?
    Here I go again!
    What did I do? or better yet, what did I get myself in to?

  47. Sophie

    How about “Ottomatic For The People” to tip your hat to those other folks from that town?

    Although, I have to say, “The Year of Living Dangerously” gets my vote.

  48. Robin Y

    I suggest Ottopia!

  49. Deb

    Damn that suggestion of Ottonomy is good but I dunno…it’s not JUST Otto…it’s how you kept it alove, stayed alive, kept plugging on as a parent, and are moving forward as a Mom and Woman and Wife (and damn funny writer)… How about Perseverance?

  50. Melanie

    I like “It’s All Otto’s Fault”, though once you get married you may need to seperate that into subcategories about what is his fault, since everything is the husband’s fault once you’re married, you know? But Slave for Love could be good too. I wish I could be more creative and come up with my own, but I’m dumb.

  51. Krisco

    Changing Everything

    New Life

    New Chapter

    New Phase

    Whole Other Thing

    There’s some thoughts. Good luck with it all! (Not that I won’t be back to observe…you know…)

  52. Megan

    Yeah- about that eloping thing? I made that mistake. Not only did I have to constantly defend it…ummm, like 20 people still showed up for it. If you want to elope NEVER say anything until you are married.

  53. Ei

    Just as a possible tribute to the category it will be replacing…

    “And to top it all off, I’m pretty sure the television is stalking me now.”

    Eh, I had to try. Prizes are prizes after all.

    I have to agree that telling anyone you might elope is a bad idea, says the ghost of marriages past.

  54. Mary Beth

    I want to play!

    I Ditched The Television

    Want To. I Do! How to?

    Something fun to think about while getting ready for Thanksgiving guests. Love the blog!

  55. Kendra

    How about The Brady Bunch or Yours, Mine and Eventually (maybe) Ours or Yours, Mine and not even going to have ours. So maybe those are dumb. But oh well.

  56. Mel

    “First Otto. Now this.”

  57. Gina

    Mir Mania

  58. Kate

    How about “not Otto-matic”? (not automatic) or “I said yes, now what?”

  59. MsShad


    Couldn’t help myself…

  60. Katherine


    The New Adventures of the Old Mir? (I have no idea how old you are so don’t take that as an insult, just a play a words!)

  61. Trish

    gOT TO love it or GOTTO LOVE IT

  62. Kim

    Ottomatopoeia ~ because it includes the word for the person who is the reason for all the changes?

    There Otto be a law…

    We Otto get hitched!

    K-I-S-S-I-N-G (because it reminds me of that fun post a few weeks ago about the jump rope rhymes, not because it has Otto’s name in it, obviously….)

    ChickOttoMirMonk ~ because this is what your couch will look like? ;) (Besides, there’s this flow to the pronunciation ~ “chikatta meermunk” ~ it almost sounds like a Burger King commercial! For a ciabatta! Or however you spell that weird bread!)

    Oh heck ~ who am I kidding? Like I have a snowball’s chance in hades of beating out any of your regularly scheduled commenters. :)

    Whatever you decide, I’m sure we’ll all love it. :D

  63. Gail

    “Who Farted? Putting the blame where it belongs”…I know I’m late with this but here it is.(Sorry, I’m having one of those mornings.

  64. Brian

    Life on OttoPilot

  65. daring one

    Life in a Blender. This was too funny.

Things I Might Once Have Said


Quick Retail Therapy

Pin It on Pinterest