Today I am obsessing over Matters Largely Unbloggable, which leaves me precious little to offer. Not that that’s ever stopped me before. Ahem.
In lieu of anything even smacking of cohesion, I give you the following unrelated bits and also a chance to win a fabulous mystery prize:
Thing the first: We didn’t go to the movies this weekend. The children elected not to finish cleaning the playroom on Saturday, and by the time we got through church and grocery shopping and eating lunch today and I had the AUDACITY to suggest they take another crack at it, their anguished wailing made it clear that tap-dancing penguins are not, it turns out, a very good motivator. Perhaps if they were both tapping AND farting. Who knows.
Thing the second: In a carefully calculated move born of brilliant parenting, sensitive to the moment and my child’s needs, on Friday when the kids said they wanted to get their bikes out, I said, “Sure, and let’s take Monkey’s training wheels off.” (Actual thought process: Bikes. Hey, training wheels. Kid is… almost 7. Wrench? Okay then!) In about half an hour we had established that Monkey can sort of ride his bike, and that I am woefully out of shape. (“Don’t let go! Don’t let go!” “Well, yeah, except, eventually I have to let go or fall over, honey.”)
Thing the third: Guess what I learned today? I learned that if you’re planning on eloping, you absolutely should not mention that to any relatives. Because to just elope would probably annoy certain members of your family, but if they are forewarned they can get on your case about it. Repeatedly. Lesson learned. Kinda wishing I’d learned it earlier so I could’ve taught it to Otto. Sorry, honey.
Thing the fourth: Handy and totally free advice—if you have to follow “I WASN’T STANDING ON HIM!” with “I was just KNEELING on him a little” while your little brother continues crying and gasping for air, you’ve chosen the wrong strategy. Next time, try leading with an apology, and leaving the bickering over semantics out of it.
Thing the fifth: I need a new category to encompass this whole new chapter of my life, and naming it should be easy, because it only has to cover All Things Otto, remarrying, relocating, step-parenting, househunting, house selling, and Changing Every Single Iota Of My Life In The Name of Love. How hard could it be?
So. I’m open to suggestions on the category thing. If someone suggests something brilliant which I feel compelled to use, I’ll send the winner a little something. If no one comes up with anything good, well, then, I guess we’re even.
You have until… oh, let’s say you have 24 hours. Midnight Monday night/Tuesday morning. Go!