Things that go bump in the evening

By Mir
October 31, 2006

Halloween truism the first: If you set out a bowl of mixed candy, with the Heath bars all on the bottom and well-hidden under the lollipops, you will still come home to a bowl devoid of Heath bars, even if there are lollipops left.

Halloween truism the second: The more elaborate and clever the costume, the more the wearer will want to remove it RIGHT NOW.

Halloween truism the third: Someone always ends up sick.

Happy freaking Halloween.

No, really, we had a nice evening. Except for how Chickadee needed her hair done JUST SO and I spent an inordinate amount of time pinning it up and making it meet her specifications, and then her friend arrived and they ran around and most of it fell out despite the protective shell of hairspray I’d doused her with.

And except for how Monkey discovered that his most excellent costume was, in fact, both too hot and hard to walk around in without tripping. After the first few houses, he also felt the need to point out that he was SUFFOCATING! And he did not seem amused when I pointed out that that was sort of like a REAL MUMMY, isn’t that NEAT?

(Oh, come on. He wasn’t really suffocating. He’s almost 7; it’s time he learned about suffering a little for his art. Sheesh.)

But for a while there, it seemed as though all was well. I trailed behind the children with my camera, trying to get pictures in the dark as they ran away from me. The candy flowed freely, and so did the giggles. They compared with each other and their friends and were having a grand time.

It was after about eight or so houses that Monkey’s complaints began to intensify. I recalled that he’d risen this morning, just as chipper as could be, at five. FIVE. I’d sent him back to bed, but chances were excellent that he was hitting the wall. I tried to cajole him along, but he lagged behind the others.

When I offered to take him home, he said he thought that was a good idea. Uh oh.

He begged to take off his costume, so I relented. I offered him my wig, so that he’d still be dressed up. (I really think it looked a lot better on him than me, anyway.) In his new getup he visited two more houses, then insisted that he was done.

I left Chickadee with friends and let Monkey climb onto my back, and trotted through the dark back to our house. Once inside, I started putting things away and sent him upstairs to brush his teeth. I found him there a minute later, crying that he was too tired to change into his jammies.

Poor little tired-out Monkey.

I helped him get ready for bed and tucked him in and went downstairs in time to greet Chickadee and our friends, and by the time our good-byes were exchanged, Monkey was wailing for me from his room.

His ears hurt, he sniffled between sobs. I administered motrin and felt his forehead (perfectly cool) and remembered that he’s off his antihistamines until his (rescheduled) allergist appointment—which makes for a pretty stuffy head—and managed to get Chickadee through the bedtime stuff while soothing him.

I thought I had both kids settled when he started up, crying again. So I went back into his room and gathered him up and we sat in the rocker until he began to snore against my shoulder. It wasn’t terribly comfortable, with him being all elbows and knees yet trying to fold himself into my lap, but it was still the highlight of my day.

You never want your kids to be sick or unhappy. But being able to make it better is a very lovely feeling, indeed.

Especially when you can follow it up with pilfered candy.


  1. Fold My Laundry Please

    Poor Monkey! I had a similar experience with my kids. Luckily no one was sick, but all three were bawling and wailing by the time we got home. It could possibly have something to do with the fact that it was 28 degrees outside, but I’m not sure!

  2. Susan

    Awww! :( I hate when my kids get sick on holidays or special occasions. You KNOW it’s bad when they agree it’s time to go home, or go to bed, or what have you.

    Poor Monkey. I hope he wakes up feeling much better tomorrow.

  3. birchsprite

    Get better soon Monkey!

  4. Muirnait

    Aw, poor little Monkey! Hope he gets better soon, and that Chickadee maybe shares some loot with him. :-)

  5. Sara

    Get better soon Monkey–the candy awaits!!

  6. chris

    Awwwwww poor Monkey. I heard the too hot complaints also, which given the way the temperatures had been for the past week was not something I would have expected. But damn it was warm out.

    Hope he is feeling better this morning.

  7. David

    Poor Monkey. So, um, did he score any Heath bars?

  8. tori

    I hope Monkey feels better soon! I am with you, I hate when my kids are sick, but it is one of my favorite snuggle times!

  9. Woman with Kids

    Boy 2 lost his mask after the first house; despite the desperate need to have THIS mask, it was too hot. Hope Monkey feels better!

  10. Bob

    sometimes I wish that I still could make it better for my kids by holding them and telling them it’s okay. unfortunately that doesn’t work for dented fenders and unreasonable sorority rush committees.

  11. Lesley

    My one kid was complaining of thirst, so I shared my beer with him. ; ) (Kidding–about the sharing, not about trick or treating with beer in hand!)

  12. Amy

    I have to say that those costumes are so great! In my younger days I recall not lasting for more than 2 houses before peeling off costume. However, my mom usually made me wear cable-nit tights under said costume– By the end of the night, minus original get-up, I’d usually end up as a Ballerina with thick-looking legs. Happy Day After Halloween, Mir!

  13. ishouldbeworking

    A few weeks ago when my 12yr old daughter was sick, the only place she wanted to be was my lap. All 5’3″ of her was folded up and on me in our rocking chair. I’m sure it was quite the picture!

  14. Nothing But Bonfires

    Halloween truism the fourth: When the trick-or-treaters come on OCTOBER THE BLOODY 27TH, you don’t have any Halloween candy in the house. (I mean, really. Would you?) When you buy an embarassing number of mini Cadburys dairy milk bars and small packets of fizzy cola bottles, NONE will show up on Halloween itself.

    (I think Halloween truism the fifth goes without saying: you end up eating your weight in mini Cadburys dairy milk bars and small packets of fizzy cola bottles for two days straight.)

  15. KathyLorn

    Hey – is having a Halloween picture contest. You should enter pictures of the kids. is a new website for moms, it’s like social networking but way more than that – anyway it’s cool and thought you might be interested. At least enter the contest! I did.

  16. Megan

    That totally made ME cry. Now that my Little Man is getting bigger, my opporutnities for cuddles are fewer and fewer. I take guilty pleasure in those soothing, middle of the night cuddles. I hate that it is the middle of the night. But the cuddles make it worth it. I hope he feels better soon.

  17. Amy

    I was thrilled to read a while back that Monkey outgrew the peanut allergy. I just survived a Halloween with my peanut-allergic two-year old. She was ok with a trip to the children’s museum and candy that I bought for her this time, but there is no way I am getting out of it that easy next year. She has been saying “trick or treat!” all morning. (She helped me answer the door last night.) How did you handle this with Monkey? I hate to just take away most of her candy next year. My husband thinks I am being a freak, but I used to love Halloween and this just makes me sad. Any ideas? Help.

  18. Aimee

    Oh, poor Monkey! I hope he’s feeling better today. I have to say, the kids’ costumes look very impressive.

  19. daring one

    I could not believe none of us got sick this year. It was amazing. I hope everyone feels better today.

  20. Cele

    Mir the costumes are great, but where did you get your wig, it rocks. Cuddles are the best aren’t?

    Amy, you might try, and I know this creates a lot of work for you. But if you’re taking her out in your own neighborhood next year buying some candy just for her and passing it to your neighbors to give her. Just a thought. Peanut allergies, darn.

  21. MMM

    Costumes were awesome. That wig rocked! Poor Monkey. Seems like tons of kids were sick this year! I love when we can make our babies feel better!

  22. InterstellarLass

    Awww. Poor thing was all tuckered out.

    My mom and I used to dig through the Hershey’s fun pack to remove all the Special Dark…dark chocolate was deemed too good for lowly trick-or-treaters. Let them have Krackles!

  23. Jessica

    Sounds like your evening ended much like mine!

  24. Ruth

    I finally decided that Truism # 3 is a valuable thing – if they gorge themselves on candy and feel gross, that’s a good association. Poor Monkey, though, he didn’t get that far. Good thing he’s got pretty Mama.

  25. Liise

    $40.00 worth of candy bought will yeild you exactly 8 children at your front door.


  26. Shiz

    I hope the children had Heath bars to pilfer.

    Glad you could make things all better. :)

  27. Dawn

    Aw, poor Monkey! Hope he feels better soon.

    Being able to comfort them to sleep is the best feeling in the world isn’t it? Mine are 17 and 21 now, so too big to cuddle in my lap, but I remember those times well.

  28. Julie

    I sooo needed that wig last year!

    I found one lonely baby heath bar crying at the bottom of bucket! *score*

    …good thing I’m off sugar ;)

  29. Em

    Just found your site tonight and one post led to another. Addictive. Just like you can’t eat just one chip…well……

    I will be back to enjoy a good laugh again!

Things I Might Once Have Said


Quick Retail Therapy

Pin It on Pinterest