Sleepover at my house

By Mir
October 14, 2006

Oh! Hello! Didn’t I used to blog every day? I think I did. Of course, that was B.B. (Before Bed.) I may be too busy sleeping, now, or just lounging around like the lady of leisure I hope to become. I haven’t decided yet.

In any event, thank you to everyone with celiac or kids with celiac or who know someone with celiac who’ve contributed such kind and informative suggestions to my last few posts. Going gluten-free is challenging enough without the melodramatic “The sky is falling! We can’t have crackers! He’s going to starve!” schtick. (And REALLY, that’s just silly. Who was doing THAT? Oh. Right. It was me. Moving on….)

Yesterday I cased the Whole Foods section of my local grocery and found a few of the items y’all suggested as being palatable, and for a lot less than they cost at Ye Olde Healthe & Bankruptcee Shoppe. I’ve also acquired all manner of weird flours and am looking forward to some creative baking. Like Rachel, I remain convinced that adding enough sugar to my concoctions will eventually yield delicious results even without gluten. We shall see.

But enough of that, for now. Would you like to come over and hang out on my bed?

I’ve decided to do all entertaining here on my new bed, from now on. Which shouldn’t be a problem at all, because I’m pretty sure this baby has its own zip code.

Let’s back up a minute. Before the bed itself came the Bed Preparation.

While I was busy preparing for my preshussssssss new bed to arrive, I scoured the land for a suitable bedskirt that didn’t cost more than I’d already spent on all the other bedding combined. You’d be surprised how difficult of a task this turns out to be. (Unless you’ve recently shopped for a king bedskirt, in which case you totally know what I’m talking about.) I think that way back whenever I started shopping for linens I was all “Bedskirt, schmedskirt! That can wait!” for some reason. But then I had this epiphany, you know, that my new mattress weighs over 200 pounds. And if I wasn’t going to place a bedskirt on the boxsprings THE MINUTE the delivery guys put them down, when did I think this was going to happen?

Look, I’ve been known to knock myself over just turning the mattresses on my children’s (twin) beds. Lifting a king mattress seems beyond my ability.

So I was all, shop shop shop, curse curse curse, and “who decided that leopard print was suitable for bed linens?” Meanwhile, I had already FOUND the perfect, simple, bedskirt back when I was shopping the big bedding clearance at Target… I just hadn’t bought it. So much of my time was taken up with KICKING MYSELF.

Finally, I turned to eBay, and searched for the Bedskirt That Got Away. The good news is that a million people were selling it. The bad news is that most of them are on crack, and are selling it for full retail. Hmph. But I perservered! And found it for just $5 more than it had been clearanced at, which—plus shipping—made it just $10 above what I should’ve paid. And I have paid MUCH higher stupidity taxes than $10 in my day, so I went ahead and bought it.

I also selected a powerseller who lives in a neighboring state, reasoning that it gave me the best chance of actually receiving the thing before the bed came. I included a perky note with my payment that said something along the lines of “I love you! And my bed is coming FRIDAY! So if you were to ship this before then so I could have it that would be SUPER DUPER SWELL and by the way did I mention that I LOVE YOU?”

But yesterday dawned and the delivery guys had given me the 4-hour window (with a promise to call an hour beforehand) and I was still without a bedskirt. Bedskirtless. I was very sad. But that didn’t change the fact that I still had plenty to do.

First, I stripped down my old bed. Then I started taking it apart. Sure, I could wait for the delivery guys to do it for me, but I really wanted to vacuum underneath it, first. So I got everything disassembled and leaned up against the wall (including the planks of wood that have been sitting between the mattress and the boxspring for years in a desperate attempt to provide some support), and then surveyed the area underneath where the bed used to be.

It wasn’t as bad as I expected it to be, actually. And I found a pair of slippers I hadn’t seen for a couple of years, so, you know, bonus!

Once everything was moved and cleaned and I was ready, I went back to working and waiting for the phone to ring. Finally it did, and I was in the one-hour countdown.

With about twenty minutes to go before their arrival, I decided to check the mail, even though it was hours earlier than the mail usually comes. Maybe—just maybe!—the mail had come EARLY! With my BEDSKIRT! I knew it was silly, but I had to check. And do you know what?

The mail had come early. With my bedskirt. Jesus loves me.

The bedskirt was, of course, creased into the shape of the package, so I went into warp speed to get it ironed before the delivery guys showed up.

[Otto: You’re IRONING? Bedskirts need to be ironed?
Me: Only when it’s a bedskirt in the shape of a teeny little package.]

The iron was still warm when the big truck showed up in my driveway, but I was done, and ready.

For some reason, the delivery guys didn’t seem nearly as excited about my new bed as I am. I cannot imagine why. But they tracked leaves all over my floor and muttered to each other and eventually brought in all pieces of the new bed and asked me to sign for it and then they went on their way.

I went back upstairs after they left, and beheld the monstrosity that now sits in the middle of my room.

When I was buying this bed, the salesman asked me if I wanted “low profile” boxsprings.

“Why would I want THAT?” I scoffed. “I’ve had a low, saggy bed for years. I’m happy to finally have one that’s BED HEIGHT.”

Now, I don’t know if I was somehow confused by the entire showroom full of beds, or if perhaps the showroom beds had the low boxsprings, but I was unprepared for the sheer height of this thing. My new bed comes up to my WAIST. It is a very tall bed, indeed.

It’s SO TALL, that when the kids came home from school and I told them that they could JUST THIS ONCE jump on it a little, they ran up the stairs, stopped in the doorway to ooh and ahh, then headed at the bed in a full run to clamber up.

And Chickadee hit the edge and bounced off. I would’ve been worried about her being hurt, but she lay flat on her back on the floor, laughing her fool head off. “It’s SO BIG, Mama!” she giggled, “I missed!”

Monkey—true to his name—executed a similar maneuver, but when the moment of bounce came, he clung to the comforter and managed to basically scale the face of Mount Bed and then yell “TIMBER!” prior to the full-body flop on the top. Heh.

We snuggled up on the bed and watched some cartoons as a special treat, and I couldn’t help noticing that in this nice, new, HUGE king bed, I still had a child-barnacle on either side of me, rendering 70% of the available bed space still empty. When I tried to encourage them to spread out a little, they fought to sit on my stomach. So.

No one broke an ankle on the dismount, so I’m guessing the height is okay. Still, it was weird to want to reach out and up to my alarm clock only to discover that said clock is now about a story DOWN from where it used to be. I did my customary reach-over-the-edge to grab my laptop thing and nearly fell out on my head while contorting my body ever-closer to the ground and waving my arms around empty space.

On the other hand, I could probably keep the laptop IN the bed, from now on, without ever coming close to it while I’m sleeping.

And that’s the million-dollar question, right? How the sleeping is on this beast?

I’m pleased to report that I slept so well, and it’s so comfortable, that I may never get out of bed again. It’s everything I’d hoped it would be. Well, mostly. It is a wee bit lonely, just me in this great big thing. Some day my prince will come (for a visit). In the meantime, come on over—just don’t forget to BYOL (bring your own ladder).


  1. Jenn

    Yay for your new bed! When we got our new bed a few years ago, I don’t think I left it for days. I only left to go to the bathroom and find something to eat.

    There is no greater feeling of shame than when you have something delivered, the deliverymen remove the old item…and there is a big wad of filth under it. When we had our new stove installed in January, there was a big nasty stain behind it and I was horrified.

  2. Lisa

    Yea for new bed wonderfullness! I’m jealous. My queen isn’t quite as old…but it is like sleeping on a bag of brick. One day I may share your joy of the bed wonderfullness.

    Hopefully The Prince will show up soon for that visit and break it in for you!

  3. chris

    I can’t stop laughing.

    But… where are the pictures???

  4. Allanna

    So glad that your bedskirt came justintime! And totally glad that your bed is being so wonderful to you.

    I loved the description of Chickadee’s and Monkey’s introduction to this new member of your family. ^_^

  5. Cory

    Oh Honey I live in my bed. My kids aren’t used to me anywhere else. I’m thinking all their childhood memories will start…”and then I went to talk to Mom …in her bed”… I kind of rule the house from the bed. I’d probably going bigger if I could…we already have a calif. king. Just an fyi, Target has great sales on bedskirts all the time. Have fun!!!

  6. Cele

    Oh, too funny. I had the same problem with height. Now I have a basket at the end of the bed so Arlo can get on it too.

  7. mar

    OMG, we had the same problem with the height when we got my mother-in-law got her new bed. We were all – “Low profile? Pshaw! Who needs low profile???” – and were on the phone with the furniture company before the guys were out of the driveway saying “Ummm, yes, we’d like to exchange our box spring please so 83 year old m-i-l doesn’t break her hip???” ::blush::

    And I had to banish my kids from jumping on the bed when my oldest took an extra high jump on the extra high bed and hit his head on the ceiling fan ….

    Congratulations and enjoy!

  8. Robin Y

    Hi Mir, you are so very smart and pretty!!! I just have a tip on the low-profile thing. Most retailers have some sort of a 30 day return policy, no questions asked. If you want to change to low profile boxes, now is the time to ask. Don’t let them talk you into waiting, because when the time is up, it is up. A related thought: there are also low profile frames, they are just about 4″ above the ground. Good for lowering the bed a couple of inches and for keeping out most of the larger underbed dwelling monsters. Enjoy your new bed Mir!

  9. rachel

    yay for cheaper goodies (and no dirty looks!) – you know the yummy brownie recipe on the back of the Hershey unsweetened chocolate box tastes the same if you switch out gf flour for the regular flour. YAY for sugar making everything better!

    GlutenfreeGirl and I have the same PB cookie recipe (if Monkey’s still OK with PB), but I add chocolate chips. mmmmm…. And Mary Jane pb kisses are gf.

    TOTALLY jealous of the bed. Totally. *sigh* sounds lovely! Enjoy it fully. We just got already-broken-in flannel sheets, right before the big freeze!

  10. Marvo

    Ahem…what’s wrong with leopard print bed linens? What if someone REALLY likes leopards? What if someone REALLY like lime green leopard print bed linens? ;-)

  11. lastewie

    I totally sleep with my laptop. In a full sized bed. Luckily I don’t have to share. Sometimes the green light that says it’s charged is a little too bright though. Heh.

    OH! I am getting new queen sized bed to take over, so I plan to no longer bottom out when sitting on the bed. YAY!

  12. MMM

    Ours is super high too. The oldest has to sorta climb up on it, but the youngest has to grab the bedding and sort of scale the bed. It’s adorbale! OUr bed is a double pillow top, plus we put the little “legs” under the bed frame, so it basically touches the ceiling. But ahhhhhhh, it’s so comfy.

  13. hollygee

    Speaking of someday and your prince, I like the title of that country pop song, “Live close, visit often.”

  14. GetSheila

    So happy for you and your new bed but really popped over to say THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for changing your RSS feed to include the full post and not just the excerpt.

    If you did that accidentally and did not realize your readers no longer have to click over to your site to read your full posts, um…pretend you didn’t read this.

  15. Michelle

    I’m jealous. I’d love a bed like that.

  16. David

    Lawsy, I’m pretty sure I can count on one hand the number of invitations I’ve gotten to party down on someone else’s bed. *winks*
    Seriously though, it sounds like some mighty pleasant real estate: Le Plateau Nocturne, was it? I hear the view is nice from up there, in spite of the climb. No low-flying ceiling fans in the area, I trust.
    Pleasant dreams, to you and your barnacles. *grins*

  17. Kellie

    I can totally understand the bedskirt dilemma. I have a California King bed and it’s difficult to find bedding for it. When bedding IS found, I need to refinance a car or a house OR sell a kidney on eBay to afford it. We bought a new bed in May and I was doing the “Mailbox Shuffle”, waiting not so patiently for the bedskirt to arrive from eBay…unfortunately, it showed up the following morning and I almost died beneath the mountain I call a bed: I have the “I had a baby, I can move this mattress” mentality. Not so much. Anyway….enjoy the bed and keep some Kleenex close by–the height elevation may cause nosebleeds!!

  18. Elleana

    I’m so envious of you and your new bed! But I’m also very happy for you (and your good night’s sleep.) Enjoy!

  19. daring one

    Sweet dreams.

  20. Gillian

    For really boring reasons when we set up my bed this time I got to include the guy’s heavenly bed boxspring because it could not be tossed up a tiny spiral staircase to the loft. I have fibromyalgia and for reasons I don’t understand it is incredibly easy for me to climb on this bed rather than to collapse on a normal height one. Let us know how the princess and the pea thing is working for you.

  21. Carolie

    ‘Grats on the bed…sounds wonderful! And SO smart about getting the bedskirt in time to put it on while the strong people were there to hold up the mattress!

    One last gluten-free comment…check out for some wonderful gluten-free recipes, links and info.

  22. Shiz

    Ahhhh, nothing like a new bed.


  23. Kim

    I had a soft side waterbed for many years that was tall and I had to jump to get up on it. I was always reaching down to everyhting. When I moved and got a new, bigger bed, normal height was at the top of the list and I am so glad not to have to climb into bed anymore.

    I’m glad you slept so well in your new bed, that is the most importan requirement in new beds.

  24. Susan

    I have been known to sleep with the iBook in the king bed with me, when Wade is out of town. Just so you know.

  25. Zee

    Wow, Jesus must not love me because I never get serendipitous moments like that, when the bedskirt arrives just in time for the bed… Ahem.

    Anyway, glad the bed is great! I had a similar experience when my queen was delivered – I was quite sure that I was never going to get out of bed again.

    Also, I’m sure that soon, sleeping alone in anything smaller than a king is going to feel wicked-small and terribly constricting. :)


  26. Muirnait

    Stupidity tax? Awesome. I mean, really.

  27. InterstellarLass

    We eliminated the need for a king-sized bed skirt by buying a bed frame that the box spring sits in. The comforter and sheets cover any peeking of the box spring on the floor.

  28. JGS

    Congrats on the new bed. That sounds lovely!

    Thanks for the laugh, too. ;-)

  29. Gette

    Our “new” bed is all grown up. Had it a year an a half. They told hubs they accidentally ordered in the high profile boxsprings, but hubs in his infinite wisdom did a little visual sizing up “…she’s this tall, I’m this tall, the bed’s that tall…!!!” and told them we’d keep it. He can be SO smart sometimes ;)

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