I am home! Again! Jiggedy jig, or something. (Clearly I am thrilled to be back.)
You know, they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I say that absence makes for a pretty fantastic weekend here and there, but the rest of the time it still just pretty much sucks. My version isn’t as pithy, but it’s more true.
Many exciting, harrowing, and thrilling things happened this weekend. I thought it would be fun to share some of the highlights and maybe make up a thing or two, in the process, to encourage reader participation. Your job is to read on and determine which of these things actually happened, and which are fabrications. They (although perhaps not the same THEY as the idiots who think absence is dandy) say that truth is stranger than fiction, and I agree.
Ready? Read through the list and see if you can figure out which items are true and which are false.
1) Deflowered. I went to Sonic for the first time ever and got a cherry limeade that simultaneously made my tastebuds sing and sent my brain into overdrive with the gazillion calories of pure sugar. It was the most wondrous beverage I’ve ever had. I think it’s a very good thing that there aren’t any Sonics up here.
2) Bad boys bad boys, whatcha gonna do? While eating lunch on the UGA campus on Saturday, Otto and I enjoyed the varied and interesting sights of a college town on game day: People from all walks of life clad in red and black, latecomers to the game desperately seeking parking, girls with pompoms… and a couple being busted for indecent exposure.
3) Triple dog dare. On Friday night, Otto dared me to marry him. Right then. Like, “I’ll look up a justice of the peace in the phone book RIGHT NOW.” (So. Romantic.) I declined.
4) Dude, what did that chicken ever do to YOU? Sunday was spent preparing for, throwing, and cleaning up after a big barbecue (which was a blast). One of Otto’s friends came over early to set up his grill and cook a couple of chickens… which he did by shoving beer cans up their nether regions, placing them on rack stands, and finally stuffing onions into their neck cavities before placing them on the grill. Where they stared at me, a desperate plea for help readily apparent on their onions (which was where their heads should’ve been).
5) It doesn’t mean the president isn’t a warmongering ass, though. Twice while in the atrium of the Atlanta airport today, a group of servicemen (being shipped out, by all appearances) came through and received STANDING OVATIONS from the other passengers. Which actually made me teary. And I have a small, shrivelled stone of a heart.
6) I think she’s just avoiding me. I was supposed to see Joshilyn on this trip, but she is working too hard and was sick and stressed and miserable, so we did not manage to coordinate it. But! She assures me that if I still like her and she’s still alive when she’s done killing herself with this new book, I may get to see her then.
7) A taste of the country life. I took a ride in an old rusty pick-up truck that took three tries to get started, periodically squealed, and had a bed full of rain water. We filled it with pine straw and prayed the truck would start again for the return trip.
8) I would, but I just peed myself. Someone I met at the barbecue and with whom I had exchanged about a dozen words offered to let me drive his car. This car. I really, really, REALLY wanted to. But I declined.
9) Deep breaths. So, you might recall that on my last trip to Georgia, I met my first palmetto bug in the bathroom early one morning. I’m pleased to report that the bathrooms were all clear, this time. But one dive-bombed me in the kitchen while I was washing dishes one night. (In the case of the palmetto bug, absence definitely DOES make the heart grow fonder. When they are absent, my heart is a lot happier.)
10) He knows me well. Otto was kind enough to grab my purse and suitcase as we were getting ready to head to the airport today. I discovered that he’d filled a ziploc bag with assorted M&Ms and Hershey’s miniatures and stuffed it in my purse. Now THAT is romantic.
That’s all the news that’s fit to print, and some that’s not. Get guessing.