The spoils of old age

By Mir
August 17, 2006

Well, I’ve been 35 for nearly a whole day, and it doesn’t feel much different. Then again, I felt about 50 before today, so… make of that what you will.

Things I did not have to clean up today: Vomit, pee.
Thing I did have to clean up today: Poop. (Dog, you have overstayed your welcome. I don’t care how cute you are, you have defiled my home repeatedly. Begone.)

Traditional dessert I did not have today: Cake. (Maybe tomorrow.)
Traditional dessert I did have today: Ice cream. Woohoo!

Food we ate that was cooked today: Nothing. Leftovers, baybee.
Food that was cooked today that won’t be eaten until winter: 6 quarts of turkey stock. Who wants soup?

Gifts from my parents: Cute cards, and cold hard cash.
What I bought myself with the cash: Nothing. It feels like a monumental decision, and so far nothing has really called to me. (Well, lots of things call to me, but they have to call louder than the voices already in my head.)

The doctor’s office called and said: All bloodwork normal. Maybe it’s a virus.
The doctor’s office then called back and said: Maybe you should see a rheumatologist? (I said, Why are you asking me? Aren’t you the doctor?)

Gifts from my children: The super-secret photo album project, a wind-up flashlight, a necklace charm, and a couple of inches of melted Frosty from Wendy’s.
My favorite gift from my children: Well, it wasn’t the Frosty. That was just weird. But the wind-up flashlight is pretty cool.

Gifts from Otto: Otto was under strict orders not to spend money on a gift for me, so I received a couple of homemade CDs and then—getting off on a technicality of claiming that “flowers aren’t a gift”—he sent me blue orchids.
My favorite gift from Otto: The card that came with the flowers, or possibly just that he sent blue orchids and that was just plain cool. Pffft, you got roses? I got BLUE ORCHIDS.

Who I talked to on the phone today: The entire free world, I think. I felt very popular, what with all the calls.
Most unexpected call: A friend I haven’t spoken to in quite some time. We had a nice talk, despite her opening with, “Happy birthday! What happened to us? Are you mad at me?” (My response: Thank you, I’m not sure, and no.)
Most predictable call: My brother. We always call each other on our birthdays. I tell him what the kids are up to and then he sends me a picture of his iguana.
Farthest phone call: A friend of mine in Scotland called and sang to me, albeit the “live in a zoo, smell like a monkey” version. (I can’t decide whether I’m flattered not to LOOK like a monkey or offended to smell like one.)
The red herring phone call: I went ahead and ordered my hormones from a Canadian pharmacy, online, despite a friend’s warnings that maybe the pharmacy was really in a third world country somewhere. Any residual fears were laid to rest when Pharmacy Guy called “aboot” my prescription. (Damn; I should’ve asked if my meds will come in bags, like their milk!) (I do not know why I remain so obsessed with this milk-in-bags thing. You Canadians, with your bagged milk! So quirky!)

What I didn’t do today: Um, anything.
What I need to do tomorrow: Clean my house. Or move.

All in all, not a bad day at all. (Wow, I just reread that sentence. Do you think I could use the word ALL a few more times? That’s some good writing, right there. Hooboy. Going to sleep now.)


  1. DebR

    No photo of the blue orchids? :-)

    Happy Birthday! (I’m not late, I’m extending the celebration)

  2. Y

    Happy Birthday, WOMAN!

    (haha. You turned 35 first! You are 23 or so days older than me! BOOYAH)

  3. kim

    Happy Birthday MIR!
    Sounds like you had a perfect day!
    And strange, I thought everyone got their milk in bags????
    Didn’t know it was a Canadian thang..and i live here!

  4. Shash

    Happy Birthday Mir!


  5. Bob

    what about pictures of the iguana? orchids too, I guess.

    Birthdays should be all about not doing what you should, but what you want. I steadfastly refuse to do household chores on mine.

    I worked in the dining hall in college, and milk comes in 5 gallon bags there. Of course, the dispenser was called a cow. The milk came out of a white tube – somewhat udder like – so the appelation fit.

    hippo birdy, two ewes, Mir.

  6. Elleoz

    Happy belated birthday Mir! All in all it sounds like you had a great birthday!

    Gosh, I really hope you start to feel better soon. What they heck does a rhuema-thingy do anyway?

  7. Stacia

    Happy birthday, belated. I’m with DebR: I want a picture of the blue orchids. I don’t think I’ve ever seen blue orchids before.

  8. Kathy

    Happy belated birthday. Sounds like you had a great day…and BLUE ORCHIDS!!!??? That just rocks.

  9. Katie

    Blue orchids are so cool! Glad you had a happy birthday Mir!

  10. Christina

    Glad you had a happy birthday! Blue orchids are totally cool!

  11. Lesley

    Happy Birthday Mir. For my next birthday, I think I would like some milk in a bag…

  12. jennP

    Happy Birthday!
    i am Canadian and though i know there is milk in a bag, and my mom buys it, i strictly get milk cartons :)

  13. Susan

    So do you put the pictures of your brother’s iguana in the photo album with the pictures of your children?

    Just wondering.

    (And happy birthday, again! I would be happy to recommend some frivolous shoes to spend your birthday loot on . . . )

  14. Randi

    Sounds like you had a great birthday…Happy Birthday! Mine was on Tuesday and trust me, I would’ve switched with you! Blue Orchids from Otto…damn, you guys have been dating how long and you got Blue Orchids? I’ve been with hubby for 7 years and got BUBKIS!

  15. chris

    Happy BIRTHDAY!!! you old thang.

  16. Leanne

    I’m older than you? Waaaah!!!

    Not that I hoped you were older, but you’re so much wiser, it seemed appropriate.

    Happy belated birthday! Hugs, party hats and a gallon of godiva!

  17. Karen

    I buy my milk in a bag, too, and I live in Wisconsin (which I suppose is close enough to Canada for some people). It was weird at first, but now I like it. No plastic to feel guilty about!

  18. Aimee

    Happy birthday, again! Sounds like you had a lovely day. Otto rocks, with the blue orchids. VERY nice.

  19. Karen Rani

    Happy Birfday, Pretty Lady!

  20. Karen Rani

    P.S. I buy my milk in bags.

  21. WheresTheCoffee

    Happy Birthday! Want really yummy? If you have Turkey Hill Ice Cream in your area stores, try Party Cake. Great if you like traditional b-day cake and ice cream but find the icing just too sweet.

  22. InterstellarLass

    Definitely want pictures of the blue orchids. I don’t think I’ve ever seen any before. Glad you had a good birthday!

  23. carrien

    Only my one grandma served milk in bags with the little plastic pitcher thingy, and I thought it was weird too, and I grew up in Canada. The rest of us like the cartons or the gallon bottles, except maybe some of grandma’s friends I don’t know.

  24. Jenn

    I’m just wondering how milk in a bag would fit in the door of my fridge…seems it would through my whole food organization/storage system completely out of whack. I could not handle that.

  25. Amy-Go

    Cake, schmake. What you need is a PIE. ;)

  26. rachel

    sounds like a lovely birthday!

    would love to see the orchids, though – I’m having trouble imagining them.

    see the rheumatologist (unless his name begins with hell, then run away!). and an infectious disease guy wouldn’t be a bad idea either.

  27. Dawn

    You have inspired me. Made me laugh and cry-and have keep me entertained with your fabulous writing for over a year now. I hope 35 is wonderful for you and the kids.
    Otto too!!

    Just Dawn

  28. kirala

    Happy Birthday. Thanks for your always-great blog.

  29. motherbumper

    Happy Birthday. I’ve really fallen for your blog, I’m so glad I found it. So you don’t have milk in bags down there? How odd…how does one buy 4 litres (or pints I guess)?

  30. Janis

    Happy Birthday! You’re pretty and your highlights look fabulous! Plus, no mention of the headache today… maybe the Frosty was a miracle cure. (But probably it was the blue orchids.)

  31. anne nahm

    Happy Birthday!

  32. sumo

    Orchids are always good, but blue orchids? Very cool! Happy birthday!

  33. Pamalamadingdong

    happy birthday.

    Ok seriously? Your milk doesn’t come in bags? SERIOUSLY? Cause I totally thought everyone’s did.

  34. Mom101

    Sounds like a Perfect day to me! Just add in that slice of cake and you’ll be all set. In fact, have two. One for tomorrow and one just for today (da da da da da…)

  35. Karen

    Happy Birthday, you YOUNG YOUNG thing!

  36. Dana

    Happy Belated Birthday, Mir. I’m so happy you had a great day! -tossing some birthday air hugs your way-

  37. Betsy

    Happiest of birthdays. It’s not over, you know – you must honor the birthday week tradition. It’s mandatory. I insist…!

  38. Jenny

    Chiming in deadly late to wish you the happiest of belated birthdays.

    Pretty, pretty Mir – you can’t be a day over 25.

  39. elswhere

    And another belated Happy Birthday wish!

    I was about to congratulate you on joining those of us in the Second Half of the Thirties, except– whoops, I’m 40 now.

    Well, have a great year!

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