In order to keep this list relatively short, I’ve chosen to forego things like “black lipstick” and “legwarmers.” I mean, yes, there are billions of things I don’t get in this world.
Today was one of those days where I found myself overwhelmed by a plethora of situations that left me blinking rapidly, as if I could somehow right the wrongs of the world by force of eyelashes alone.
I do have good eyelashes, but alas. I was no match for the world, today.
Insulting or helpful? A friend called me today because her car died and her AAA card was at home and she couldn’t reach her husband. Her thought was that I could come get her, bring her home, she could get her card, call AAA, and then we’d drive back to her car. After a quick rundown of what had happened, I told her I’d be right over and we’d try jumping the battery.
She was stranded just off of a busy intersection, where not a single car had stopped to offer help, despite the fact that she was hanging out next to her popped-hood, dead car. I pulled in next to her and grabbed my jumper cables. We chatted while I hooked them up, and just before she went to turn the key, a pickup truck containing a couple of rednecks pulled off to ask if we “ladies” needed any help.
Now. I want to believe their intentions were good. I want to believe they had genuine concern for our well-being. What I ACTUALLY believe is that
1) They didn’t see the three children we had between us, who were happily playing in the back of my car,
2) They saw a woman wrangling jumper cables and assumed I was about to blow up both vehicles,
3) They were hoping to get lucky.
I understand that jumping didn’t work because her alternator was dead; I don’t understand why the only people who stopped did so after help had already arrived.
Justified or freaky and annoying? Well, we’ve finally hit the wall that just may turn me back into a Mac user. Microsoft has detected a fraudulent copy of Windows on my laptop! They want to let me know they know! They tell me all the time! This copy of Windows is not GENUINE!
[Once upon a time I had an extremely crappy job where I was required to use my own laptop, but needed to access software that had some very specific requirements about how everything needed to be configured. I handed my beloved laptop over to the IT guy and when I got it back, instead of XP Home I had XP Pro. When I asked the IT guy about it, he waved his hands and said “We never had this conversation!” Ooooookay.]
Now Microsoft seems to know where I live and also that I just wanted to drink my iced green tea and get some work done this morning, but TOO BAD, because Microsoft wants me to know that THEY ARE ON TO ME. They also would like a lot of money. But, you know, I would also like a lot of money, and I am not popping up little boxes at THEM every 5 minutes, plus I really think I am the victim (of operating system hijacking, both by the sleazy IT guy and now Microsoft) here, so I dunno. Don’t get it.
Note to self: Post this on Want Not. WHY is it cheaper to get a flight plus a hotel than a flight alone? Who is in charge of this pricing scheme, and can they please come balance my checkbook?
Friendly or pedophile? At the supermarket today, the elderly gentleman bagger greeted me and then said “Would you like your milk in a bag, young lady?” I was perhaps more charmed than was strictly necessary, and it meant that when he started talking to Chickadee I wasn’t too worried. But then this happened:
Bagger: And what’s your name?
Bagger: Chickie! That’s a great name! Well come on over here, Chickie, I want to show you something!
*Here my Mama Alert went off just a tad. But we were in the middle of the supermarket. The chances of him dropping trou seemed negligible.*
Bagger: *pointing to the small, circular sponge at the end of the bagging area* Do you see this here? Do you know what it is?
Chickadee: Ummm… it’s a sponge?
Bagger: Right! You’re RIGHT! It’s a SPONGE!
*Now I’m wondering how long it takes to bag up a few groceries and really getting the heebie jeebies.*
Bagger: But do you know WHO GAVE ME that sponge?
Chickadee: Noooo…. *by this time, she’s stepping back just a bit, moving closer to me*
Bagger: That sponge was given to me by SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! He’s a SPONGE!
*both of my children blink at the crazy man*
Bagger: He lives in a PINEAPPLE under the SEA!
Me: Wow, that’s GREAT, thanks SO MUCH, c’mon kids! Let’s go!
Maybe it’s the air… or the bugs. Why do my children eat more (both in volume and in variety) when we cook and eat outside? I need to test this theory, perhaps by grilling up some cardboard for them. Or surreptitiously cooking burgers inside, then bringing them out when they’re not looking. I mean, it’s not that I’m not a master griller (I am!), but my grilling skills shouldn’t have any bearing on how much SALAD they eat. Should it?
Life, it is confusing.