It’s been a while since I dipped into my keyword logs to see just what people are hoping to find here.
It turns out that a few universal truths are still holding firm:
1) Most people are dumb.
2) The ones who aren’t are scary.
3) But they all make for good entertainment.
Welcome to Woulda Coulda Shoulda, your repository for all sorts of wisdom. Got a question? Find your answer here.
my stinky feet
I’m sorry, could you please phrase that in the form of a question? Or better yet, just go away and take a shower?
pictures of my feet
Ummm… let me get this straight. You came HERE, looking for pictures of YOUR feet? Do you misplace pictures of your feet often?
born with no legs
I’m… sorry? I’d be happy to lend you some pictures of my feet…?
popcorn kernel in nose out eye
No, that’s not possible. Stop putting things in your nose.
should i run an air conditioner while having strep throat
No, you should give your air conditioner some antibiotics and plenty of fluids until it feels better.
hostess found a staple cake
I am not familiar with staple cake. I specialize in pie.
That would involve… what, exactly? A three-way featuring one of the women screaming “DON’T TOUCH IT! IT HURTS!” or what?
how to thaw cool whip
Oh, this one I can actually help you with. Put it in the fridge. Moron.
According to the Book of Mir, this is traditionally when you figure out that your date is batshit insane. (Have dessert. You probably won’t be going out again for a while.)
common complaints following sonohystogram
Um, how about “Hey, you just shot a bunch of salt water up my twat” for starters?
chiropractic muscle stapler
brazillian men wear thongs
I could’ve gone my whole life without knowing that. Thanks a lot.
When everything slides down the tubes again and my self-esteem begins to drip I strap on my fake boobs again and literally give myself a li
Looks like you got cut off, there. Thankfully.
why did victoria s secret discontinue secret crush
Well, people found out about it, and then it wasn’t a secret anymore. Duh.
use clairol to get a perfect shade of red hair
Uhhh… no thanks. Given all the mistakes I’ve made attempting to stay a brunette, I don’t think venturing over to red would be a good idea.
dyed hair too dark
Yeah, well, join the club.
how to breathe gooder
I suggest starting with a few English classes, and seeing how it goes from there.
Please join the study group with the previous guy.
Hello! We meet here… ummm… pretty much every day.
And just for fun… Extra! Special! Bonus! spam mail header from this week: “Your wife prefers your dog’s penis to yours?”
Still laughing. And a little bit wondering how THAT conversation happens….