About face

By Mir
June 1, 2006
Category Friends

Today actually WAS the day it all started getting better.

*cue the angel chorus*

And I would just like to thank all of the fine folks who made it possible! There’s been so much whining here of late (this is where I peer around with a critical eye, as if I’m trying to target the whiner(s) because it surely was not ME), I just have to share the GLEE. OH, the glee! Due largely to this fine contraption:

22' of hot dumpster action
THANK YOU, Blurred Out For Purposes of Anonymity Dumpster Providing Service!

The forecast was calling for rain tonight, so as soon as I saw that baby in my driveway yesterday afternoon I knew I was on borrowed time. I already lugged all manner of waterlogged crap up and out of the basement. No WAY was I letting it all get soaked in the rain before I could put it in the dumpster. No. Way.

I tossed some stuff in for about 45 minutes last night, before 1) Chickadee yelled out her window that I was being too loud, 2) the bugs started eating me alive, and 3) I tried to throw in a bookcase and narrowly avoiding braining myself when it turned out I wasn’t quite as strong as I’d thought. Ahem.

So I came inside, had a nice cold shower to wash off the grime and the mosquitoes, and then called a friend and told her that she is excrutiatingly pretty and I would be her very best friend in the whole wide world if she would come over this morning and help me. She pointed out that I’m already her very best friend in the whole world but that if I threw in some iced coffee I would have a deal. I brewed an enormous pot of coffee before turning in, as directed.

This morning I worked for about an hour before she came, and with her help we were done about an hour after that. So great was our glee, we then moved on to the mountain of boxes in my garage, and in another half hour had accomplished another gorgeous feat of demolition.

I dunno; maybe it was the giant iced coffees we were drinking (by the time we finished, I was orbiting Neptune, I think), or maybe it was all of our discussion about cutting down on clutter and prioritizing, or maybe it was this sight:

Hmmm... I think I see a pizza box from 2002 at the end, there.

I don’t know what it was, but even clinging to the edge of the dumpster to get that picture, my heart SOARED. I do not recommend the “devastating and unexpected flood as impetus to clean out the crap” method, but the end result was awesome. I have a FULL 22′ x 8′ x something dumpster out there. There’s no way I NEEDED all that crap. Good riddance. It was very freeing, in a cliched but utterly true way.

And then my friend and I sat down and made plans for world domination. Or maybe just to scheme about getting our school district to offer organic milk. I run with a rough crowd, as you can see. We’re always scheming to knock over convenient stores, start gang rumbles, and make local dairies offers they can’t refuse. Or something.

THANK YOU, good friend who likes to hurl things into a dumpster AND shares my obsession with organic milk!

You see, the dumpster… it’s a METAPHOR. (What is it with me and the metaphors lately? I know, I should shut up.) Once I had all the CRAP dumped in there… I just felt… so much more available to do other things.

After my friend left, I had some work stuff to deal with, and can I just say that regardless of how fabulous I know myself to be (yes, I’m fabulous, except for the whole self-loathing thing), it’s always nice to hear about it from one of my clients. Oh my, yes. So I finished up preening with them and then hopped online to check mail.

THANK YOU, pretty clients!

Somehow I ended up in a prolonged and Very Important IM conversation with the lovely Jenny. In case you are not aware? Jenny has a second blog, now, all about eating better and getting into shape, and the best part is that it’s just as funny and smart as her original blog. So, naturally, first we discussed how she needs to have Big Slice panties made up to give out at BlogHer. For all of us who are joining her in her quest to lose weight. (In fact, I think she should have them made in super-gigundo sizes so that we can all hold them up like the chicks in the Nutrisystem commercials to demonstrate how we are basically just shrinking away to nothing on the Big Slice plan.)

And from there somehow it came out that Jenny is attending a warehouse sale of a very cool manufacturer of women’s workout wear, tomorrow, and she offered to look around for me if I liked. Something about how she likes “looking at the little sizes, they’re like Barbie clothes!” Hmph. Well, little did Jenny know what she’d just gotten herself into. I gave her a Sally-esque shopping list. I want these but only in this color and only if they cost this much or less. And I want those but only if they have that style and I want this other thing but only in these colors, these cuts, and if Mercury is in retrograde. Seriously, by the time I’d explained all of my criteria I was sure she would tell me what I could do with my list. Instead, because she is SO BRILLIANT AND PRETTY, she said she was on it, and suggested I mail the manufacturer about the walk and see if they might like to sponsor me. So I did! Who knows! You don’t know unless you ask, right?

THANK YOU, Jenny who likes to shop and give me good ideas!

Later, Karen and I enjoyed a snarky conversation about Prince Albert’s being the only multi-billionaire who apparently can’t afford condoms. Don’t ask. It was rather hilarious, but I suspect you had to be there.

THANK YOU, Karen who appears to share my every strange thought!

And just when I thought the love couldn’t get any better, Joshilyn called me from the movie rental store so that we could discuss shoes and funny commercials. (What? You have something better to talk about at Blockbuster?) She has been working like a madwoman, or perhaps like a gerbil who’s having her brother’s babies would be more apt–if sort of disturbing imagery–here. Anyway. She has been BUSY. But everyone needs to discuss shoes and commercials sometimes. I’m so glad she picked today, when I was pleased to be alive, as opposed to any other day in this past month when I just kept muttering something about my lean-to blowing over and how I’d lost my tail again.

THANK YOU, Joss, for having impeccable timing!

OH! AND! Little does the baker extraordinaire Amy-GO know that I was thinking of her, today, too. I wrapped up what remained of the SINFUL pie she sent me and put it in my freezer. Look, I could NOT throw it away. That would be blasphemy. Neither can I continue to eat it every day on my new diet plan. (New diet plan: Eat breakfast. Drink twice as much water. Eat smaller portions at lunch and dinner. Stop stuffing my face after the kids go to bed. Try that Shangri-la thing all the kids are talking about.) (Kira says, “WHAT does a girl need to do to get mentioned on your blog?? I told you about the Shangri-la thing! Me!” She is right. Kira told me. Kira is pretty. Go visit Kira.) The pie may come OUT of the freezer once I’ve lost 10 pounds. But in the meantime, it’s a powerful reminder that Amy is pretty and also makes really good pie.

THANK YOU, Amy-GO, giver of amazing pies!

So it was a warm fuzzy day all around. Particularly since it was about 90 degrees and humid.

Today was the day I’ll point to and say “That was the day it started getting better again.” Either that, or it’s the day I’ll point to as “That was my last good day before the breakdown.” Hard to tell. But I’m just gonna assume the former. Tralala!


  1. Cele

    How do you fill ALL.OF.THAT.INTO.ONE.DAY?

    Breathe Mir, and then have some good ice cream. A whole dumpster, I’m impressed.

  2. ben

    You do realize that there is a BODY in that dumpster, right?

    *considers getting a dumpster to take care of the little “problem” that is under the back garden*

  3. Suebob

    It is a thing of beauty.

  4. Fran

    You are just amazing, I love having wonderful days like that when things just seem to be going..well.. Good! Thank goodness you didn’t hurt yourself, especially with that bookcase, but maybe it would have been less strenuous for you if you had opened the door on the end and walked the stuff in rather than lifting it up and over the side. I’ve had lots of dumpster experience of the large variety. In fact the last one I got was so well packed, I amazed myself!

  5. Amy-GO

    Pretty, pretty dumpster! I think I need me one of those.

    I am glad to hear you froze the pie. Throwing it away would be…wrong. Jos has threatened to do just that if I send her one and you know what that means? NO PIE FOR HER. But truly the best way to get rid of pie is just to eat it and be done. Why do you think I keep sending these things out? They can’t stay in MY house, that’s for sure.

    SO SO SO glad life is looking up! :)

  6. chris

    barbie clothes ::snort::

    Why doesn’t anyone IM me? I want some Big Slice underwear too. And I am holding out hope that the iRobot people send me a Scooba. I need one. Or a maid, that would work for me too ;-)

  7. Bob

    now we know why they didn’t find Jimmy Hoffa under the barn…. He’s been in Mir’s basement.

    I’ve never had a basement, I always thought I wanted one, but now that I see your dumpster I am reconsidering. I mean, I have enough boxes of my kid’s 1st grade papers (and an original Mac) tucked away in closets, if I had a basement there’s no telling what I would have kept.

    Days like yesterday are what keep us on the planet. I am so happy for you.

  8. tori

    You may have inspired me to actually clean out our basement…even with no flood! I love getting rid of piles of junk! And I am glad things are looking up. Your psychic powers are intact, they are just off by a day!

  9. Randi

    That sounds like one of those days that everything goes so right you start looking around for something t go wrong! But you deserved a good day…glad you had one! But can you explain something to me? I’ve seen you talk about Organic milk before…how is regular milk NOT organic…see, I live here in VT with tons of cows and I haven’t seen any artificial cows yet! Have a great weekend!

  10. Jenn2

    Ben, of course there is a body in there. Hello, remember Ramon????

    Even more exciting, Mir, is that all that lifting and lugging has to contribute your training, right? But of course!

    Seriously, I am so glad things are looking up. And don’t read my comment on Big Slice. I would totally buy you XS clothes. Probably. If I couldn’t fit into those gi-normous panties you’re suggesting. Ahem.

    You are SO pretty. And smart. and full of sassy fun.

  11. udge

    Yes, throwing things away is very therapeutic, and also deeply symbolic of –er– something or other. I should really do that around here.

  12. David

    Oh! Oh! Oh! *practically tears out rotator cuff sticking up arm* Amy-GO, did I harken perhaps to the possible presence of excess pie-age? I’d be ever so happy to help relieve any over-abundance. (Freezers are for storing ice cubes, not pie.) *big ol’ grin*

  13. Contrary

    Oh my Lord in Heaven, I am SO glad you had a good day. You certainly deserved it. And there is no better feeling in the world than ridding yourself of extraneous crap.

    I wish I liked iced coffee, it sounds like it would be just as much fun and cheaper than my crack habit. (joking! It’s Meth, way cheap and the fumes make the kids sleepy)

  14. Susan

    Yes, yes, the dumpster is wonderful and all. But seriously, how does one get Amy-GO to send pie? Because we would TOTALLY eat the ENTIRE THING. I promise. Amy-GO? Are you listening?

  15. Jenn

    Clean basement.
    Good pie.
    Great conversations.
    New shirts.
    Great clients.
    Sounds like things are looking up for you.

    Must’ve missed the paragraph where you mentioned me and our amazing IMs and how pretty and wonderful I am. I’ll go back and re-read to find that one. ;-)

  16. the Mater

    Breathe deeply and call your nearest feng-shui consultant. You’ve cleared your space and cleared your mind so let the chi flow, baby!

    However, the bold red of the dumpster is a bit unsettling. Red is the relationship corner. You’ve just thrown all your worldly junk into your relationship corner. This could be a problem.

    Have another piece of Amy’s pie and don’t worry. Congrats on getting so much accomplished!

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