You know my obsession with The Food Network, yes? Right now they are doing a show on the secret life of steaks. I was not aware that steaks were 1) sentient and 2) sneaky. (I mean, okay, I know steak comes from cows, which are indeed sentient. But a sneaky cow? Really?) This show is making me hungry.
But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It’s dark out, and I’m on muscle relaxers, so probably it’s nothing. Just a hallucination! Disregard the medicated woman! Wooooooo!
Sorry, what were we talking about? And who are you, again?
I fought the basement, and I’m pretty sure I won, but it might be a draw. It’s very close, is all I’m saying. I don’t know if I did something while lugging boxes or if I have a bit of whiplash from being rammed on Friday, but my neck is having deja vu. My neck is fondly remembering what it was like back in December when I was in so much pain I was willing to go visit a crazy man who wears socks with his sandals.
In short, my neck hurts a whole lot.
I’m taking hot showers and icing it a few times a day and taking my leftover Flexeril and handfuls of anti-inflammatories. Oh, and carrying a lot of heavy stuff. Because nothing says “baby your injury” like a basement that needs to be emptied.
The good news is that IT IS DONE. As of today, the only thing left down there that needs to come out is an old air conditioner, and I fully plan to bat my eyelashes tomorrow and let the guys who come to spray move it for me. We will pretend not to think about how we still need to get that big pile of crap into the dumpster. Lalalala! My ex said today, “We can put the air conditioner into the dumpster… except I have no idea HOW we would GET IT IN there.” He has a point. I may have to use all of the other garbage to build a pyramid of sorts, next to the dumpster. Then we can just drag the air conditioner up until we’re level with the top of the dumpster. At that point, I will offer up a brief prayer to the gods of archaic appliances, and we can toss it in. It will nestle happily between the broken screen door that’s been leaning against the shed for three years and the pieces of The Stench Rug which was slashed amidst much gagging.
Soon all will be set to rights, and hopefully my neck will get better, too. Of course, the fiasco with the basement has kept me so busy, the rest of the house has been horribly neglected. So today, seeing as how I could ALMOST turn my neck to the right again (woo!), I cleaned the kitchen and changed everyone’s sheets and did 3 loads of laundry. I’m sure that helped my neck tons. Yep.
I also cooked a lovely dinner (which the children didn’t eat) and while it was in the oven, threw together a tomato/onion/feta salad to eat during the week. Chickadee is a feta HOUND and so was hanging out in the kitchen with me, stealing nibbles. She was working in some reading comprehension book and regaling me with the paragraphs therein and then her most hilarious guesses for answers. Like: “I live in the north where it’s cold. I look ferocious but I’m really gentle and shy. What am I?” And she would screw up her little face and think about it and then declare, “Oh! I KNOW! It’s a… TABLECLOTH!” So funny, that kid. It just never got old, no matter how many passages she read to me.
Now let’s all stop and thank the lord for the Flexeril. I should help them make a commercial. “Flexeril… it helps with those pesky muscle spasms when you’re in agony, AND it makes your kids REALLY FUNNY!”
The one saving grace is that when I asked the kids to please clean their rooms while I was busy doing dishes and such… they actually did it. Here I thought I was just nursing a neck injury. But then they went ahead and did what I asked and were helpful.
Now I’m pretty sure I’m dying. I will miss me.
But I will not miss the basement. Or my neck.