My children love a good joke. And while I am delighted that we’ve (finally) moved past the knock-knock stage, it’s hard to know at any given time what sort of jokes they’ll like, or even get.
Our ongoing quest at the moment is to get Monkey to understand the string joke.
A string walks into a bar and says, “Bartender! Gimme a drink!”
The bartender says, “We don’t serve strings here! Get out!”
So the string leaves and goes outside. He twists himself up and makes his hair all messy. Then he goes back inside and says, “Bartender! Gimme a drink!”
The bartender says, “You were just in here, and I TOLD YOU, we don’t serve strings!”
And the string says, “I’m not a string! I’m a frayed knot!”
Monkey laughs and laughs and laughs… and then says, “Wait. I don’t get it.”
Perhaps you’ll understand why I was thinking about this, today.
I spent a lot of time on the phone this afternoon, because I’m thinking about switching insurance carriers. It’s not that I don’t really love and adore my insurance company, what with the big hike in my auto insurance after my accident last year (I know, I know; when they have to buy me a new car, they have to raise my rates, even if I wasn’t at fault) and the whole charging me an arm and a leg for my homeowner’s policy which does absolutely nothing, but I figured I would be a savvy consumer and shop around a bit.
So I made my calls and got some quotes and discovered that yes, I am being grossly overcharged on my home insurance. But I also discovered that the discount I’m receiving for being a longtime customer is counterbalancing the rate hike of having collected after a collision, and any company that doesn’t employ a spokeslizard isn’t going to be able to give me cheaper car insurance for a while. Hmph.
Having determined my options and vowing to think it over, I then called my current agent to make some modifications to my current coverage. He was clearly relieved that I wasn’t calling to bitch at him about being denied coverage for the flood damage. It went sort of like this:
Me: Ha! I bet you thought I was calling to complain!
Him: Well, you certainly wouldn’t be the first, this week.
Me: Heh. Sorry to hear that. Bad week to be an insurance agent, eh?
Him: Yeah, well, some people don’t understand that there really isn’t anything I can do, you know?
Me: Well, no worries with me. I know it’s not under your control. Of course, I still don’t really understand WHY the adjustor bothered coming out–
Him: They have to, if you file a claim.
Me: –but I get it, you know? I don’t have flood insurance. The adjustor said something about it being permissible if I’d had a failed sump pump, but of course, I didn’t have one.
Him: Right, and you know, for people with flood insurance it hasn’t been much better. Belongings aren’t covered, really, plus there’s a deductible that’s 2% of the house’s value, so I’ve got irate people with a $8,000 deductible!
Me: Oh noooooooo.
Him: Yeah. Let’s just say nobody likes me much this week.
Him: And the rules, you know, they’re just really specific.
Me: I can imagine.
Him: Like, flooding. It’s very specific. If you had a sump pump that couldn’t keep up, like the adjustor said, that’s equipment failure and that’s covered. Easy. Or if you have a drain, say, that backs up. If you had a drainage pipe in the basement floor, and that’s where the water came from… that’s backup, not flooding, according to the policy… totally different than seepage, see… and backup is actually covered. Or if you–
Me: Wait. WAIT. STOP.
Me: Back up. You, back up to what you just said about backup. It’s covered if the water came from a drainage pipe?
Him: Yep, that’s covered.
Me: MY BASEMENT WATER CAME FROM THE DRAINAGE PIPE.
Him: … are you… sure?
Me: YES I’m SURE! There’s a drainage pipe in the middle of the floor, all of the water came up from there because the water table was so high. There’s STILL WATER there!
Him: No seepage from the walls, or leaking from the bulkhead?
Me: No. NO. It ALL came from the drainage pipe. I TOLD THE ADJUSTOR IT WAS THE DRAINAGE PIPE.
Him: Wow. Um. You did?
Me: Yes I did, I even SHOWED him, not that he could SEE it very well, because he stayed on the STAIRS, because he didn’t want to get WET. Fucker and his fucking nice shoes. Oh, God. Can we pretend I didn’t say that last bit?
Him: Heh, well, I can see why you’re upset. I’m… pretty sure that would be covered, actually. Let me look into it.
Me: WHY would the adjustor DO that?
Me: Nevermind. Obviously I know why an adjustor would do that. It’s just that, well, now I’m angry.
Him: Let me call you back tomorrow, after I look into this, okay?
Me: Okay. But, wait. Now we’re 10 days out, and it’s my word against his. What’s to stop them from saying the water came from a different source?
Him: Don’t worry about that. His report doesn’t name a source, and they can still send someone out to make a determination if they need to, but I think they’ll just accept it if I put it in.
Me: If they send someone else out HE’D SURE AS HELL BETTER BE WEARING BOOTS.
Me: I’m just sayin’.
I totally understand how Monkey feels.