I know you’re all relieved to know that I recovered from my Mechanical Difficulty of yesterday. Who knew the Swiffer CarpetFlick was so high-tech?? Not me. Of course, I am rather gifted when it comes to producing a STUPID_USER_ON_DEVICE error on almost any machine….
(Oh, my. It’s been a long time since I made a nerdy engineering joke. I feel dirty.)
Anyway, I was VERY EXCITED to use my new CarpetFlick once I figured out that it wasn’t broken. Except that I had a bunch of other stuff to do today, like, I dunno, work, and try to get my daughter to confess to her latest misdeeds after I’ve already told her I know about them, and do laundry, because Monkey didn’t have any clean pants, and just, you know, stuff.
But finally I said, NO MORE. It is TIME TO FLICK, other responsibilities be damned!
I selected a small area of carpet where Monkey often parks himself to watch Teen Titans. As you can see, I have a pretty standard berber carpet (Swiffer approves of my carpet choice, according to the box). For the purposes of this little experiment, I was delighted to see that there were a few pumpkin seeds on the carpet just waiting to be flicked. Do not ask me how long those seeds had been there. Let’s pretend I put them down just to sweep them up. Okay!
The seeds were picked up on the first back-n-forth but I gave it a few more sweeps just for kicks.
Before I show you the results, I would like it noted for the record that
1) I vacuumed a week ago
2) My vacuum is a Kirby, which means that it is capable of sucking the hair right off of your head
3) given the previous 2 items, I can only now conclude that my family is a hairy, dirty crew
4) I would like to throw away this house and buy a new one. Thanks.
Now, bearing ALL OF THAT in mind, have a look at all the things I found trapped inside the CarpetFlick after I used it on an area that was maybe 2′ square.
Well, hey. That’s alright. The kids are always eating right there, so there are crumbs. Fine.
I think the nausea started when I turned it over to look at what had collected on the underside….
So, I heartily recommend the Swiffer CarpetFlick if you don’t mind coming face to face with exactly how disgusting your carpet really is. Personally, I prefer vacuuming, where I don’t have to actually examine the particles of filth. But for quick clean-ups I think this will be very handy to have around. I also suspect it’s just about the right size to smack the kids on the rear when they mouth off to me.*
In other news, I went to a doctor’s appointment today. There’s a little covered area out front that has what I’ve just discovered is the “Smoker’s Outpost Combo” at the far corner. I’ve often had to walk past people smoking there to get in the door, which I find annoying, because I think smoking is disgusting and I certainly don’t want to breathe your smoke while I’m on my way to TEND TO MY HEALTH. But whatever.
Anyway, the cigarette receptacles are right there, where they’ve always been. But now there’s something new! Guess what it is! Go on, GUESS!
You will never guess. So I’ll tell you.
Right next to the post thingie where you’re supposed to drop your butts, there’s a new sign. It says, “NO SMOKING ALLOWED IN THIS AREA.”
I’m thinking–call me crazy–that it might be more effective if they removed the ashtrays from the area. But maybe that’s just me.
No, that didn’t have anything to do with the CarpetFlick. It’s just been bugging me all day. Admittedly it’s been sort of a long day.
*The Swiffer Corporation does not endorse the use of its products to beat your children.