I came, I saw, I flicked

By Mir
November 3, 2005

I know you’re all relieved to know that I recovered from my Mechanical Difficulty of yesterday. Who knew the Swiffer CarpetFlick was so high-tech?? Not me. Of course, I am rather gifted when it comes to producing a STUPID_USER_ON_DEVICE error on almost any machine….

(Oh, my. It’s been a long time since I made a nerdy engineering joke. I feel dirty.)

Anyway, I was VERY EXCITED to use my new CarpetFlick once I figured out that it wasn’t broken. Except that I had a bunch of other stuff to do today, like, I dunno, work, and try to get my daughter to confess to her latest misdeeds after I’ve already told her I know about them, and do laundry, because Monkey didn’t have any clean pants, and just, you know, stuff.

But finally I said, NO MORE. It is TIME TO FLICK, other responsibilities be damned!

I selected a small area of carpet where Monkey often parks himself to watch Teen Titans. As you can see, I have a pretty standard berber carpet (Swiffer approves of my carpet choice, according to the box). For the purposes of this little experiment, I was delighted to see that there were a few pumpkin seeds on the carpet just waiting to be flicked. Do not ask me how long those seeds had been there. Let’s pretend I put them down just to sweep them up. Okay!

The seeds were picked up on the first back-n-forth but I gave it a few more sweeps just for kicks.

Before I show you the results, I would like it noted for the record that
1) I vacuumed a week ago
2) My vacuum is a Kirby, which means that it is capable of sucking the hair right off of your head
3) given the previous 2 items, I can only now conclude that my family is a hairy, dirty crew
4) I would like to throw away this house and buy a new one. Thanks.

Now, bearing ALL OF THAT in mind, have a look at all the things I found trapped inside the CarpetFlick after I used it on an area that was maybe 2′ square.

Well, hey. That’s alright. The kids are always eating right there, so there are crumbs. Fine.

I think the nausea started when I turned it over to look at what had collected on the underside….

So, I heartily recommend the Swiffer CarpetFlick if you don’t mind coming face to face with exactly how disgusting your carpet really is. Personally, I prefer vacuuming, where I don’t have to actually examine the particles of filth. But for quick clean-ups I think this will be very handy to have around. I also suspect it’s just about the right size to smack the kids on the rear when they mouth off to me.*

In other news, I went to a doctor’s appointment today. There’s a little covered area out front that has what I’ve just discovered is the “Smoker’s Outpost Combo” at the far corner. I’ve often had to walk past people smoking there to get in the door, which I find annoying, because I think smoking is disgusting and I certainly don’t want to breathe your smoke while I’m on my way to TEND TO MY HEALTH. But whatever.

Anyway, the cigarette receptacles are right there, where they’ve always been. But now there’s something new! Guess what it is! Go on, GUESS!

You will never guess. So I’ll tell you.

Right next to the post thingie where you’re supposed to drop your butts, there’s a new sign. It says, “NO SMOKING ALLOWED IN THIS AREA.”

I’m thinking–call me crazy–that it might be more effective if they removed the ashtrays from the area. But maybe that’s just me.

No, that didn’t have anything to do with the CarpetFlick. It’s just been bugging me all day. Admittedly it’s been sort of a long day.

*The Swiffer Corporation does not endorse the use of its products to beat your children.


  1. alektra

    So I had to research those things at one of my jobs to get one that matched the aesthetics of the building. If my boss hadn’t been a smoker, and his boss, too, I think I would have actually said “The aesthetics of this building require the banning of smoking all together”.

    Cos, yeah. YUCK.

  2. Cindy

    Is pimping the Swiffer on your blog/journal required to get the thing free? It can’t be a coincidence that I’ve read about it several times today.

  3. Cindy

    My comment is expressed in a curious tone, not a snippy one, just for clarification.

  4. Mir

    Uh, define pimping. I accepted a free product which I was asked to try and then write about (good or bad). I never hid the fact that this was the arrangement.

    Although I’d love it if people randomly offered to send me free things just because I’m pretty, I assume that most folks make these offers because of the blog and the hope of a bit of word-of-mouth.

    I have also turned down similar freebie offers–actually one recently from the same place that sent me the CarpetFlick–if I felt the product wasn’t something that interested me.

  5. buffi

    How do I get on this list to receive the free stuff? I will gladly sing the praises of the new Swiffer (or anything else, for that matter) if I get one.

    Oh, OH! I get it! One must be a GOOD writer to be asked to participate in these promotions. See, that is one of the many things that helps people know the difference between Mir & Buffi. The writing. That and the hair. Yours is much better. Trust me.

  6. kestralyn

    See now, there’s a difference between you and me: I would look at the Swiffer pad that you show there and say “Hey! Looking good!” Then again, I have long hair, my husband’s a tad on the hairy side (legs & chest, not back!), and we have two cats. So, that looked pretty durn clean to me ;-)

  7. Karen

    I have a Kirby too. I’m still recovering from the day the woman came and did the demo, two things in particular: 1) when she had me use my vacuum first and then went right over the same spot with the Kirby and showed me the white filter COVERED with shmutz, and 2) when she did my nearly-new mattress and then showed me the black filter COVERED with what she claimed were — ugh! — dust mite droppings! gotomyhappyplacegotomyhappyplace…

  8. Zuska

    I practically spewed coffee over this – particularly when I got to the Swiffer pics. If it makes you feel better I’m sure that after a week without vacuuming, I’d be able to see your flotsam and jetsam and raise you about a gazillion pieces of hair and cereal pieces…in a 1′ square area, not a 2′.

    I’m trying to decide which would gross me out more: the mucky filthy icky water I find in my FloorMate every week, or the stuff I might find in a CarpetFlick. I need more coffee to solve this …

  9. Nothing But Bonfires

    I just think the name is so zingy! The CarpetFlick! It just begs to be accompanied by jazz hands.

  10. Amy-GO

    There aren’t enough sticky refills in the WORLD to handle the schmutz I could flick off my carpet…sigh…

  11. laura

    I use Swiffer products to beat scorpions into little pieces. The Swiffer dust mop thing (you can put the little wet or dry pads on it, you know) does a really good job of killing scorpions, and I suspect it would work well on any large stinging or biting bug. The Wetjet did not do as well; although it did kill it, it took very many more blows, accompanied by screaming, to kill the scorpion. If you want to use this information in your report back to the Swiffer people, please feel free. It is my gift to you, and perhaps your gift to me, that my bug-killing data now may have a use.

  12. Theresa

    Gross! I am gonna run right out and get me one now! I’ve been waiting for someone to tell me if it worked! *smooch*

  13. Cheryl

    I’ve just come back from vomiting my lunch up, thanks for sharing that photo. Next time, preface it with a warning label. Just kidding, I think mine would be worse. You know, you are a far better mother than I am. You actually do laundry when your daughter has no clothes to wear? You don’t just grab the least soiled pants from the laundry basket and tell her to throw them on?

  14. Dawn

    I am thinking that, as a cat owner, I should stay far far away from the Carpet Flick. I’m just not ready for that yet.

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