Up close and way too impersonal

By Mir
October 21, 2005

As most of you have figured out, I don’t respond to all of the comments and email I receive. I try to be pretty good about it, but oftentimes things get lost in the shuffle as I’m working or beating the children or just generally living life. And lately I’ve gotten all sorts of questions and emails and I’m just thinking it may be time to address some of these things.

So then I thought, I could go through and answer all of those emails! And comments! And I could call my parents more often like a good daughter! And be more patient when my kids ask me the same questions over and over!

But those inclinations–thankfully–passed quickly. Instead I think it would make a lot more sense to post for the general edification of those around me. Which sounds so much more altruistic than saying that I am just lazy.

I’ve been doing some investigative journalism, and have grown quite fond of the hard-hitting Q&A format. What a great way to get to the heart of the matter, you know? Hence I decided that the best way to handle recent inquiries would be delve into an interview… with myself. Please try to contain your excitement.

Q. So, Mir, do you interview yourself often?
A. Actually, no. I’m something of a recluse, and it can be difficult to catch myself sometimes.

Q. Okay, don’t do that. That’s creepy. Please stick to other people’s questions.
A. Okay, okay. Sheesh.

Q. How did you get started freelancing?
A. Well, once I got over that whole black depression after losing my job thing, I just became completely shameless. I tell EVERYONE that I’m looking for work. You never know who might hire you. Or who might know someone who might hire you. I opened up my gigantic yap and started handed out business cards and voila, that’s how it started.

Q. What sort of things are you writing?
A. Right now I’m basically taking as wide a variety of assignments as I can get, just to garner experience and figure out what area appeals to me the most. I’m still in the “try it all” phase. Also, I’m doing some copyediting work, as well.

Q. Can I hire you?
A. I don’t know, can you?

Q. Um, smartass, MAY I hire you?
A. Probably. My email address is over on the right, there. I do have an actual resume and portfolio available for review by pretty people who wave cash in my direction.

Q. Are you writing a book?
A. Not right at this very moment, no. But I am eating a rice krispie treat and watching TV.

Q. Can you tell me how to be a writer?
A. Only if you are very gullible and your standards are very low.

Q. Do we have to talk about the writing thing all the time?
A. Nope. We can talk about whatever you want.

Q. Oh, good! Are you dating anyone?
A. No.

Q. Are you looking?
A. Nope. I am on a self-imposed hiatus for a variety of reasons, including but not limited to: Starting a new career is incredibly time-consuming; I believe I have a lot of work ahead of me in terms of evaluating and rethinking what attracts me to potential mates; and right now I’m actually feeling pretty well-balanced and don’t want to screw it up.

Q. Would you date me? I’m funny / smart / handsome / awesome!
A. I’m sure you are. And I’m very flattered. But no.

Q. I really think you should be dating. Just make the effort, you know? You’ll be happier!
A. Um, hi Mom. Hey, I have an idea! Let’s talk about something else!

Q. Fine. What color is your hair now?
A. Mostly brown… ish….

Q. Are you going to keep it short?
A. Yeah, I think I am. Except for the whole thing where it now grows OUT instead of down, I’m digging it. If anything I think I’ll probably go a little shorter as time goes on.

Q. Can we have dessert?
A. Not until your eat your vegetables and take a bite of everything else on your plate.

Q. Hey, how come you never reviewed that book I sent you?
A. Because I am a horrible human being with a stack of books taller than myself sitting on my nightstand. If I haven’t reviewed it, it’s because I haven’t read it yet. I’m sorry.

Q. But you seem to watch a lot of TV. What’s up with that?
A. I watch a lot of television as background noise while I’m doing something else. Reading requires attention and brain cells, two things I’m fairly short on at the moment.

Q. Is it true that people tell you all the time that you have a fabulous rack?
A. No, sadly, it is not. Alice’s assertions to the contrary aside, I assure you that it is a nice bra coupled with the magical powers of the Fussy T-shirt that confused you. Needless to say, I plan to wear that shirt every day from now on.

Q. Well AT LEAST tell me it’s true that your glasses are fabulous.
A. I cannot tell a lie. My glasses ARE fabulous. I do think it might be slightly more fabulous to actually be able to see with just my eyes, but given what I’ve got to work with here, I’m not complaining.

Q. How are the kids feeling?
A. They both stayed home from school today, although by lunchtime Chickadee was feeling well enough to mouth off and annoy her brother, so I think she’ll be fine in the morning. Monkey was a pitiful little primate today. But his sister’s quick recovery gives me hope. I think it’s just a virus. I’m starting to feel rather punky, though….

Q. Do you have any more questions?
A. Nah, the Nyquil is kicking in. I think that’s it. Oh, wait. Just one more.

Q. When she was all hyped up on caffeine yesterday, what did Joshilyn offer to blurb for you on your first book?
A. I’m a bit fuzzy on the first part, which was something about how my paragraphs all tend to proceed in a logical order, but the second part was definitely, “… and that’s a gift, bitch!” I’m confident her astute analysis of my writing will help me onto the bestseller list.


  1. Bob

    Mike Wallace’s job is safe.

  2. Mom

    Hmmm. You have TWO mothers? That ‘s the only solution _I_ can think of. (Yes, I’m ending that sentence with a preposition, Ms. Copyeditor. And see how fast I learn?) Dating? Do you see _me_ dating? How can I suggest to you in good faith that that _you_ date? I seem to remember that I told you that a year was an oft-suggested period of time to take a break from dating. And then I said I thought that a minimum of six months would do it. And then I said go have some dessert.. Was it good?

    And by the way, are you dating anyone?



  3. Chookooloonks

    Hey Mir…

    …nice rack.

  4. Cyndi

    LOL Your Mom is hilarious…so you come by it honestly.

    I can’t believe no one asked how to make scrambled eggs and cream cheese…I was looking forward to the recipe. It sounds yummy.

    So, Mir’s Mom…how do you make ’em??

  5. Mom

    Scramble some eggs in a bowl. Lop off smallish pieces of cream cheese, about 2 tsp. each… lots of them – the more, the deliciouser (sic) and drop them into the bowl of strangled eggs (yes, another kid-ism), coating them – either the kids or the cream cheese pieces. Your choice. Slop contents into a hot frying pan and stir constantly. It’s ready when nothing is runny, but it will look wet, due to all that yummy cream cheese (yes, lots of it). It’s good for you. I know this cuz it makes everyone smile and purr. Even Mir. Hehe. (Salt after cooking if you like salt. I do, especially sea salt.)

    Enjoy (to Mir’s fans)!

    Love (to my darling Mir),
    Mir’s Mom (one of them.)

  6. wisecrow

    Very funny post. I think you answered all my questions…

  7. Chookooloonks

    Mir’s Mom, you rock. That’s dinner tonight, baby.


  8. Momof2kids2birds

    I was wondering what happened to “Starved”, I really liked that show and I’m sure many other people did too. I guess I’ll have more room on Tivo to record the many other shows I watch, too many shows, too little time!

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