Answers to your burning questions

By Mir
October 7, 2005

1) The duvet set is this one. It’s so… girly. Very unlike me, really. It’s the sort of thing I would never foist upon any self-respecting male. Fortunately no self-respecting male will ever be found in my bedroom!

2) I haven’t made anything with the apples yet, but the votes were overwhelmingly in favor of crisp. That’s my favorite, anyway; when I work with pastry dough, I tend to swear excessively and then ruin my creation with all the tears I end up crying into the helpless, overworked crust.

3) Okay, technically no one asked this, but in case you were WONDERING (and admit it, you totally were) just how fabulous I am, Joshilyn declared the following to me this afternoon: “You are the FRESH new flavor at baskin robbins. YOU PROBABLY HAVE GUM IN YOU, and a MINTY RIBBON.”

4) I was granted permission to share that sentiment with you because it in no way contained any reference to genitalia. Although–if we’re being completely honest, here–I did edit the spelling, because Joss’ V key (probably from sheer terror of the word VAGINA) is not working, and I didn’t think it had nearly the same impact to say that I “HAE GUM” in me.

5) I washed that grey right outta my hair. Um, sort of. Actually, I feel a letter coming on….

Dear Clairol,

I am writing today about my recent purchase of your Nice’N Easy hair color. I believe that your company is producing a superior product, on account of it’s the cheapest of the non-scary brands of hair colors available. Also, the women on the front of your boxes look only mildly stoned and aren’t placed into windtunnels for their photos. On these merits, you have earned my respect.

However, I believe that in the interest of full disclosure, the product copy on your box requires some minor editing.

I will limit my comments to color 131, Dark Brown, as this is the shade with which I have experience. I would be happy to suggest appropriate modifications to your other shades based upon reasonable extrapolation, should you so desire; but in the interest of brevity I will address just the one shade in this particular communication.

Your current packaging for shade 131 contains the following:

On Salt/Pepper Grey:
You will get a dark brown result.
On White/Grey:
You will get a dark brown result.
On Natural Red:
You will get a dark brown result.

It was probably just an oversight that this erroneous text was never corrected. I believe that you intended for it to read:

On Salt/Pepper Grey:
You will get a black result.
On White/Grey:
You will get a reddish blonde result indicative of weak coloring that will probably wash out in two shampoos.
On Natural Red:
You will get a black result.
On Dark Brown:
You will get a black result.
On Any Color Of Hair Really Except White Or Grey:
On The Tips Of Your Fingernails In Spite Of Those Smelly Latex Gloves We Enclose:
You will get a dark brown result. (We like to name the hair color after the shade it turns your nails.)
On The Bottom Of The Tub Where Those Non-Stick Circles Are:
You will get a dingy grey result.

On the bright side, your product did make my hair just as smelly as I expected that it would. And it is quite shiny–although that’s probably more due to the fact that obsidian is naturally quite reflective than anything else.

I have a few more notes to share, but the dwarves are clamoring for a snack and Grumpy in particular gets cranky when his blood sugar drops too low. Feel free to contact me for further discussion on this matter.



  1. DebR

    1) Duvet cover – pretty!

    2) So, um…I guess we are to assume you now have hair of deepest midnight silk or…uh something like that, yes? Cool. Do we get to see a photo? (And do you have eyes like limpid pools to match??)

  2. buffi

    Oh, dear. Well, it’s not gray, right?

    Duvet? Lovely. at 80% off? Smashing!

  3. The Other Dawn

    My two-cents worth…

    As result of being descended from a bunch of colour-challenged follicled people, I too have had to brave the wilds of the hair colour aisle. I have had the best success with the semi-permanent colours. They do wash out in about 28 shampoos, but the beauty is if you get obsidian when you were hoping for a lovely, subtle, eye-catching dark brown… it will wash out in about 28 shampoos and you can try another colour. Also you don’t get the obvious grey roots you get with the permanent colours.

    Clairol markets a line called Natural Instincts in Canada. Not sure about the US. I had the same results with their Nice n’ Easy line. They should rename it Nice n’ Ha-Ha Not the Colour You Thought it would Be!!!

    Another possibility – choose a colour lighter than your real colour and voila! instant highlights.

    That is all. (That’s more than enough.)

  4. Cyndi


    And oh my…you tell ’em!!

    You dredged up my nightmare from this past May and I had to post about it. I think we should have a National “Blog About Your Haircoloring Nightmare Day”…they owe us that…

  5. Kestralyn

    I’ve never used it (I was a L’oreal Feria girl until I decided it was worth the money to pay my hairdresser to do it), but I have a couple of friends who SWEAR by Clairol’s Natural Instincts and have used it for several years each. It’s the same name in the US as in Canada.

  6. Kestralyn

    Oh, I was going to add one other thing: any time I went to the wall o’haircolor, I would grab the color I thought I wanted, put it back down, and grab the next color LIGHTER. The one time I didn’t was a disaster ;-(

  7. Hula Doula

    What the heck do I know about hair color. I just took my hair from a medium brown, bought the medium brown hair dye and turned my hair kind of reddish blondish brown! Enjoy the silky brown/black color!

  8. Theresa

    Did you see the small print on the box? you have to squint, but it says, “If your name is Theresa, put the box down and run to your colorist, because this product as a whole will turn your hair carrot orange.”

  9. Bob

    Somewhere I got the impression you were an old hand at this. But, since you didn’t mention anything about a black ring around your hairline & on your ears, I’m prepared to acknowledge some level of expertise in the matter but I have to also admit to a measure of disappointment. Tempered by amusement though.

    I expect that BBBLLLLLLAAAAAAACCCCKKKK suits you. Matches your FMB’s. Maybe that’ll aid you in solving the problem of being able to use (shudder) flowerdy duvet sets.

  10. diane

    Oh dear, Mir. As someone who lost her haircolor virginity at the tender age of 18 (I don’t even KNOW if I have grey hair because my hair has not been its natural color in a very long time) I always recommend against buying the cheapest brand. I agree with the posters who have suggested Natural Instincts–it is how I started coloring my hair, too. Since I’ve gotten enough practice to go permanent, I will buy nothing but Feria. Even hairstylists have thought it was my natural color! One time I decided to do Garnier because it was cheaper, and hey, Sarah Jessica Parker uses it, so it must be good. Looked like I dunked my hair in mud. Blech.
    I’m sure you look fine with black hair but for future reference–look for Feria on sale. I was able to get it for $7.99 at I think Walgreens this week!

  11. Lisa (in California)

    I spent decades coloring my hair myself–I started coloring my hair at 16, and did not start getting it professionally colored until I hit 34, so that is like 104 years in dog hair years.

    One thing I learned is that the majority of people need a “neutral” color when doing it at home. Go for golden, and you get bozo the clowned, go for “ash” and you get Green Acres. Always go for the lighter shade, because that will be you crying in the mirror at 2:00 am after using the dark shades. Look for the words “light or medium in the box” and stay away from golden or ash for the time being.

    I think your hair would work well with Loreal Feria shade “Crystal Brown”, which is a light brown. You may think light sounds too light, but it’s still brown, and will deposit a more flattering shade on you than a the harsh reality of a dark brown, and will still cover grays. If you want to go medium brown, then go for Feria Havana Brown. But try the Crystal Brown first. Feria is used in many salons–it is a more professional grade product an will give a better result than the cheaper variety.
    That is all.

  12. kym


    Uh… no using words I have to go look up in the dictionary.

  13. Lisa V

    As a former hairdresser, I will tell you it will lighten 25% within 10 days to 2 weeks. It wll go to a better brown I bet.

  14. Angel

    OMG I had the same problem, same brand, same color. And that was about a week before I was suppossed to be a bridesmaid. Their solution was to use a heavy conditioner and to wash my hair as much as possible. I think I washed it 3 times a day but it was still rather dark. But less Goth-like.

  15. David

    LMAO. Obsidian? Girl, your tongue in cheek is the sharpest I’ve ever seen. Good Lord! *still laughing* As a guy, I’m taking the “all natural” approach to haircoloring: The grey is beginning to show up quite well in my blond, but by the time it turns fully grey, a goodly portion of it will have this nice fleshtone background to compliment it, a.k.a. bald spot meets receding hairline. No implants, thankyouverymuch.

Things I Might Once Have Said


Quick Retail Therapy

Pin It on Pinterest