Even anti-christs are sometimes boring

By Mir
August 24, 2005

Gah. I started this whole thing about people feeling the need to be pointedly hateful and blah blah blah and you know what? No. I’m saddened when I’m misinterpreted, especially by people who lack information and, it would seem, enough happiness to keep themselves occupied. But as someone was kind enough to point out to me, they have to live with themselves forever. And I don’t.

So! I may in fact be the anti-christ according to something like .1% of my readership, but I will continue to do what I damn well please (maybe twice as much! so there!) because there’s just no pleasing some people. Those of you with a sense of humor and a little empathy and–here’s the important one–the ability to keep your head out of your or anyone else’s ass? Are pretty. The end.

But I still don’t think I have anything very interesting to talk about today. Oh well!

Yes, today has been a day of deep reflection and consideration. And pajamas. I offered to take the kids on An Outing and gave them several possibilities, and they unanimously decided that what they really wanted to do was… stay in their jammies all day. And play with all the sofa cushions. Wooooo! Good times.

While my children dismantled the family room, I was free to do other things. Like the dishes. And going through the pile of mail on the kitchen counter. And considering whether or not to cut off all my hair.

I’m kinda going with this transformation motif, you know. I figure I may as well remake myself in as many ways as possible. Also, I’ve been wearing my hair in a ponytail for the entire summer. Because I’m incredibly lazy. But I haven’t had short hair since I was maybe twelve. And what if I hate it? And look terrible? And how much energy can one person waste on their HAIR, for cryin’ out loud?

Stymied on the hair issue, I decided I needed to turn to more important matters. Like designing a t-shirt for the blog, because I am jealous of some cool people who have nifty t-shirts for sale. And I might sell… ummm… a couple of them, and then I’d have money for… uhhhh… gum.

… did I mention I’m thinking of cutting my hair…?

And then, I got a phone call about my bone density scan. All is well! My bones are lovely! All that ice cream is giving me the calcium I need. And for just a moment, I was disappointed. Yes. Because earlier I’d been having a conversation with someone about funny-sounding words. And did you know that BEFORE you develop osteoporosis–the full-blown “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” type of bone weakness–there’s actually this other thing which is halfway between that and normal, and IT’s called osteopenia. I don’t WANT to have osteopenia, but it’s so bizarre and vaguely pornographic-sounding, you know? I could’ve made an entire entry out of that, I’m sure of it. But my bones are normal. Damn them.

In conclusion, I’m afraid I haven’t been using my powers for evil today at all. Maybe tomorrow. (Feel free to hate me just on general principle until then.)

P.S. Monkey managed the first organic milk spill, today. I beat him soundly with a two-by-four and locked him in the basement for the rest of the day. Oh, wait. I just cleaned it up and asked him to be more careful. I’m really going to have to work harder on the malevolence thing.


  1. DebR

    t-shirt idea: Take a photo of yourself. Use Photoshop to make your photoself bald. Put the BaldMir photo on a tshirt and sell along with an assortment of hairstyles that can be velcroed on.

    Um..yeah, ok, you’re right. Never mind.

    I have no idea who made mean comments or why, but that person is obviously Not Pretty.

  2. Chickie

    You can not be the anti-christ. You’re too pretty.

    As far as hair cutting goes – I went under the knife a little over a year ago and it didn’t make me cry as much as I thought it would. It’s kind of neat to have some sort of style now. When I feel like fixing it anyway. Make sure you keep enough to yank back in a ponytail.

  3. Leanne

    Cutting the hair? I say if you keep it pulled back all the time, you pretty much already have short hair, so just whack it off. No loss there. :P

  4. Jules

    Oh hell just shave it all off and start over like I’m doing, except for the part where you get poisoned every 3 weeks and it falls out…but you know…otherwise, just like that…

    And what did I say about not giving power to the cranio-rectal ass sniffers…I’m sure I mentioned that..you know, just in passing :)

  5. Kira

    Now darling, is that any way to be evil? Seriously, you’re going to have to try harder than that. Can’t you at least push some old people down some stairs or something?
    Try harder, or admit you’re very nice and pretty.

  6. buffi

    You need to sell a shirt that says, “Osteopenia sucks. Eat more ice cream.” I’ll buy five!

  7. sara

    hmmm.. anti-christ eh?

    Well, in my books you sound ok for an anti-christ. And I’m not just saying that so that you don’t hurt me. Really I’m not.

  8. hiai

    Dear Anti-Christ,

    I was wondering if perhaps you could drag those that get on my nerves down to hell with you. Y’know, just as a favor. Also, please put some boils on the forehead of certain nameless Men With No Actual Balls Because They Are Weasels. And, while you are at it, put a curse upon the Prettiest Woman on the Web so that her life will be so wildly outrageous that I may amuse myself at her expense by reading the bestest blog ever every day. And, yes, I know you anticipated that last part already, but that just goes to show that you truly have the great and awesome powers that every good Anti-Christ should have.

    Oh, and fyi, I saw some guy with a scary Rottweiler muttering about the number of the beast heading your way. So heads up, I think he may have a wooden stake or blessed daggers or some such. :D

  9. Jules

    Wow – the anti-christ, that’s pretty powerful and a bit extreme don’t ya think?

    Pajama days rock!

  10. Bob

    Sorry to hear about the hate mail, but it sounds like you’ve worked through it and have a good attitude regarding the asshats that abound in the interweb.

    A new “do” often helps initiate changes in life – an external change to match the internal changes. But whatever you do, remember you are a beautiful person no matter what you look like on the outside.

    (but I really like long hair!)

  11. Kathy

    You know what? It’s just hair…it’ll grow back. I continuously grow my hair long (cuz I always think THIS time I’ll be able to do it) and then cut it all off. Just cut it recently in fact. I think the stylists are always more nervous than I am. I say GO FOR IT. Short hair feels amazing.

  12. Amy

    Who called you the anti-christ? Send them a t-shirt! I’ll let you imagine what it should say. :) Clearly they’re just jealous of your overwhelming beauty, anyway.

    Cut your hair! Short rocks!

  13. ben

    Hey, you might be an anti-christ, but you’re our anti-christ, so they can just back off.

    And, put me down for a t-shirt or two. I want mine to say *WWMB?

    *”What Would Mir Blog?”

  14. Rae

    I cut off about two feet of hair, above the ears, loved it. For a little while. Now I’m growing it back out to the point where I can have style when it’s down, but long enough to pull it up. I’m finicky like that! ;)

  15. Leanne

    Short, long, I’ve had it both ways and in between. Either you save money on haircuts or you save it on shampoo. It ain’t the do, it’s the CHANGE that’s so exciting! And you’ll still be pretty!
    Whatever the t-shirt design, make sure there’s a 666 in there somewhere…

  16. Jenny

    Yes. You need a tee-shirt so that I may be a groupie.

  17. Lulu

    How about this: A pledge drive to get Mir to shave her head as a socio-politico-fashionista statement? Name your price honey. We’ll chip in.

    I made $50 for shaving my head. It was a bet made with a co-worker who was tired of me whining about boring hair. 10 people at work chipped in $5 each. (Only 24 people work here!)

    And the shaved head was cool. Very cool. I just wonder how much more I could have gotten….

    And like someone else said: it’s hair. It grows back. It really does.

  18. Brenda

    Anti-Christ? PUH-LEEZ. How could that possibly be? Who said such a horrible thing to someone who is such a dear and I wished lived near me so we could be buddies, and our kids could be buddies, and now I’m dreaming the impossible dream. Never mind.

    Definitely a t-shirt. Maybe you should ask for ideas. Very carefully ask. Maybe include the number 667, since you’re maybe just the neighbor of the Beast.

    Maybe, maybe, maybe I better go.

  19. Brenda

    Sorry, I forgot the hair. Mine has been anywhere from one inch to three feet long.

    Currently it’s just below my shoulders. It has some long layers, and I’m really loving it. I can curl it, wear it straight out of the shower, put it up or put it in a ponytail.

    So, maybe a little shorter and some long layers. It makes a huge change in the weight and styling possibilities.

  20. The Other Dawn

    The Anti-Christ? Oh, honey, if you’re the Anti-Christ, we are all so safe.

    Whoever said that is just jealous because you’re so PRETTY!

    I’d buy a T-shirt.

  21. Carrie

    I didn’t know the anti-christ would be so concerned with organic milk. It seems like the anti-christ should go for the horomone laden kind.

    I’m sorry someone’s giving you a hard time. It’s so funny how we (or maybe just me) can get a boatload of great comments and love, but the one comment with criticism is the one that sticks in the brain.

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