Not quite what I would’ve predicted

By Mir
July 27, 2005

There was a huge and impressive thunderstorm tonight, which began as I loitered by my side door, waiting for a friend to come pick me up. I was being dragged to a BBQ. As I watched the rain pummel the earth and blinked against the lightning, I noticed that my recently-cleaned gutters were simply not up for the deluge. Were the gutters blocked, or just overwhelmed? I was mesmerized, trying to puzzle it out. It doesn’t matter, of course; either way, the end result is the same. They couldn’t handle it. The reason is immaterial.

But I’m a fan of reason(s), and lack of it leaves me feeling lost.

The reason to go to the aforementioned gathering was clear: my friend demanded that I attend. I think she was certain this would Be Good For Me. Me, I don’t argue anymore. She said she’d come get me, and I said okay. And I stood there transfixed by my new personal waterfall until it was time to go.

The party was moved indoors, of course. A few intrepid souls tended the charring of animal products underneath a flimsy canopy. The rest of us clumped up in various formations inside the house.

I moved from room to room and managed light conversation with various folks, slipping away after a few minutes to a new location. I talked; smiled; sat and ate as much food as I could manage.

Our hosts have two dogs; one of whom had left with one of the owners for a car ride shortly after we arrived. The remaining dog is sweet and calm and wandered around amiably during dinner without being that noticeable. The dog who’d been removed is a 9-month-old yellow lab puppy who loves everyone OH SO VERY MUCH because it is so exciting! With the people! And the love! And the jumping! And the licking! Upon his reentry, he tore around the house at warp speed and accelerated the rotation of the earth.

Everyone in the vicinity clutched their plates and dug their heels in for dear life, and on the second lap around the living room, The Joy enveloped me. Right down to my toes.

I do not mean that I joined this puppy in his glee (although I was fairly tickled by his boundless enthusiasm). I mean that I was sitting on a couch with a coffee table in front of me, and upon that coffee table sat several drinks. One of these was a full can of soda. This puppy came charging around the corner, and the force of his wagging tail sent that soda into the air. It was the sort of thing where you end up just wishing someone had managed to videotape it so that you could do a frame-by-frame playback and find out what REALLY happened.

All I know is that The Boundless Joy launched that soda in such a way that one minute, I was just sitting there with a plate balanced on my knees, and the next minute, my legs were wet and my shoes were filled with Diet Pepsi.

It was cold and refreshing!

There was mayhem all around me, people scattering to stay clear and to help clean up and multiple folks trying to contain the dog. I reached down and righted the can between my feet. And stuck my napkin in my left sandal. And giggled a little.

My friend came to check on me while I was trying to clean myself up in the kitchen. “Can’t take me anywhere,” I told her. “I’m the sort of person who comes to your nice party and sticks her shoes in your sink!” I went barefoot for the rest of the night.

I’d known from the start of the storm that I would end up all wet at some point. Still, leave it to me to find the most ridiculous path to a given result.


  1. Nic

    I love diet pepsi! And yet, maybe no so much in my shoes (sticky!). You handled it well, I think I would have been more upset.

  2. ben

    Wow! You could have had a V-8!

    (I have a lab like that. Only she’s older and slower now. But she still gets the zoomies now and again, though, but with 100 pounds of puppy behind them)

    And as an aside, the girls who put their shoes in the sink are usually the most fun at my parties. Just sayin’

  3. justdawn

    and here I thought that kind of stuff ONLY happend to ME!!!

  4. Melanie Lynne Hauser

    Dahling – it’s all material! Just think of the great book you will write some day!

  5. Carter

    Glad to hear you giggle. The more of that the better.

    We had to childproof our house when Mollie arrived. She’s half boxer, half something-else-big and is the proud owner/operator of The Tail That Destroys All. Everything breakable or spillable is now at least 3 feet off the floor.

  6. Kestralyn

    You’ve got to love puppy (especially lab or retriever puppy) excitement; it’s just infectious! And besides, it’s not a real party until someone is wearing a drink, right?

Things I Might Once Have Said


Quick Retail Therapy

Pin It on Pinterest