I need a vacation. And some sleep. But I. NEED. a vacation.
It just so happens I have a plane ticket! Yes! Isn’t that fortuitous?
Except that it isn’t, exactly, because this ticket I have is the Wrong Ticket. Not a Golden Ticket (we saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory today) or a ticket that will take me to somewhere exciting or even just to people who are willing to tolerate me. Nope. And of course, it’s a non-refundable ticket, because refundable ones cost eleventy trillion dollars, and this one only cost one of Monkey’s kidneys.
But! Non-refundable means I can pay a change fee (perhaps only equivalent to the sale of some plasma) and apply it towards a different ticket. A vacation ticket.
Did I mention, I need a vacation?
Here’s the thing. Amongst people who are NOT living where the current ticket was supposed to take me, I’m actually quite popular. Go figure. I currently have various invitations to New York, Pennsylvania, Georgia, West Virginia, Colorado, and California.
Each of these locations would offer a free place to stay and excellent company. Beyond that, there are the obvious differences to consider. Do I want a trip in the nostalgia machine? Or the chance to catch up with a friend removed? Or maybe just a lot of chocolate and wine? Or the destination most likely to involve loving but sturdy kicks to my ass?
How important is the locale itself? Do I go for weather? Or is that shallow? Or is what I REALLY need just a stack of books on a beach somewhere, on my own? (That appeals to me on a very basic level, but it does remove the free lodging factor, as well as being potentially dangerous for someone like me who is so prone to wallow without proper supervision.) Where can I get a comparison list of the wireless access and the prevalence of disturbing insects for each locale? Hmmm?
I dislike assvice as much as the next blogger, but I’ll confess to having enough trouble selecting my clothing each morning right now. My decision-making skills have a pretty lousy track record of late. I’m not asking you WHERE I should go, but HOW I should figure it out. Hit me with your suggestions.
One way or another, I have to get away.