Redeeming three

By Mir
July 19, 2005

Wow, nothing gets the crickets chirping like a grown woman crying her eyes out. Half my readership, struck silent in an instant! And for my next trick, I shall hurl racial epithets while trying to convert you to the Church Of Pitypartiology!

Or not. Because, um, there may just not be enough crickets in the world for that.

Anyway, your indulgence is/was much appreciated. I’m not quite through wallowing, but I’ll do my best to keep it to a minimum. Over the last few days I was blind-sided not once, not twice, but THREE times (a laaaadyyyyyy…) (apparently, for me, a symptom of distress is the inability to shut off snippets of bad songs in my head). They say bad things come in threes, so at least I don’t have to wait for anything else to blow up on me. Still, the suckage factor? This one goes all the way up to eleven. (If you don’t know the reference, you are dead to me.)

I’d love to hit the REWIND button and undo it all, but given that that’s not an option anyone has offered me, I’ve decided to just stop eating, instead. Seems less messy and more economical.

Haha! See, I’m more jovial already! And totally sort of kidding! And if you’re thinking of lecturing me I’m actually all the way kidding!

Anyhoo. In the midst of the Three Very Bad Things, a trio of events with a much lower factor of suckology (it is too a word) occurred. At this particular junction in my life, I will gladly cling to what I can get, so if you’re unimpressed by the following, shaddup or I’ll cry. Again.

1) The closing prayer last night at VBS was (I think, I may not have it quite right):
Thank you God, for my underwear.
Thank you God, for those who care.
And thank you God, that they all share.
Without them, God, some would go bare.
So thank you, God, for my underwear.

Monkey laughed his fool head off, and I almost smiled.

2) Bob–a regular reader whom I would like to tuck into my pocket and carry around with me for entertainment–sent me a present a while back, because he is a dear heart with a sick sense of humor (just the way I like ’em). I am now the proud owner of a black knight with detachable limbs. It’s been sitting on my kitchen counter for a week or so.

Last night, after I got the kids into bed, I went back downstairs and picked up that knight and ripped off his arms and legs and threw them on the floor. Then I started to cry (again). Then I looked at the limbless knight stump sitting in my hand and told him “It’s only a flesh wound!”

Then I giggled like a crazy person while I cried and was oh so very glad to know Bob and to have such a wonderful object with which to manifest my insanity.

3) As I figured I hadn’t much lower to go, I decided to finally clear the air and let my ex know that I know he’s found my blog. *waving* We had what amounted to a very reasonable conversation about it and while I certainly have enough other stuff to worry about right now, I’m pleased to have that out of the way. He knows, I know that he knows, he knows that I know he knows, (and they told two friends, and so on, and so on…) and the world continued to spin. Rather than giving me a hard time (which I would not have blamed him if he had) he was quite kind. So, yeah, probably he is devising a plan to kill me in my sleep, but so far so good. Haha! Kidding, again! Seriously, he’ll probably be annoyed that I even addressed this here, but credit where it’s due. Now let’s all go back to pretending I don’t know.

So, you know, none of these things have dissuaded me from my new favorite hobby (producing tears at inopportune times for the embarrassment of everyone present), but it’s a start.


  1. ben

    But it’s so simple. All I have to do is divine it from what I know of you. Are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemies? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you…But you must have known I was not a great fool; you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

  2. Cindy

    Hey, I NEED a knight with detachable arms. Actually, I need a Prince with detachable arms…but I’d settle for a knight.

    Oh, and here’s some advice for ya:
    “Stop freakin’ out. He can’t eat you.”

    P.S. Let me know if that last bit of advice helps. That’s the kind of advice MY friends give ME.

  3. Peek

    Does the ex have detachable limbs? Just kiddin’……….

  4. kanensara

    Bad things happen to us all, many times in our lives. The key to getting through it is to remember the good times and that they will outweigh the bad. Each day there is something to be thankful for, even if it is a little as Monkey not picking his nose for one day.

  5. Kris

    Oh damn. I take a couple days’ hiatus and lookee what happens.

    Bob sounds like a good guy. And yes, we all could use a limbless night. (Man, that just sounds WRONG.)

    (((HUGS))) I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you could’ve used my smartassedness.

  6. justdawn

    My life suckage meter is at a 12.
    Feel lucky you have those friends you mentioned. I have one and she is busy. :(
    Three? bummer- then two more for me..
    dont think I will make it…

  7. Katie

    More chocolate and ice cream! I’ve heard it’s virtually impossible to cry while eating both.

  8. Amanda B.

    You have a “black knight” doll!? Woooooow.


  9. Bob

    picture me shrugging, scuffing my shoes and saying pshaw. Say it louder so my wife can hear!

    P.S. Iocane powder. Gets you out of many an unpleasant circumstance (and good for crazy Sicilians too).

  10. Kris

    I’m all for iocaine powder, too. But I’d rather have a chocolate covered nut. (or two – snerk!)

    How would one go about getting said black knight? I can’t find MP toys ANYWHERE around here.

  11. Mamacita

    I don’t have a black knight, but I do have a Dilbert’s Boss doll that I can stick long hatpins into.

    I like to get him where the sun don’t shine.

  12. Jo

    I think you’re doing well considering…
    You’d better not sob yourself silly and quit writing now that I’ve found your blog. I’m selfish that way. Here’s a hug. ;-)

  13. ben

    Also, at least the prayer was brief!

    *slinks back to the fire swamp*

  14. Lizzie



    That Ben…cracks me up!

    GAH! I said, crack **snort** get it? Underwear, brief, crack…

    Um…slinking behind Ben.

  15. Caroline

    A) Spinal Tap rox my sox.
    B) Just thought you might like to know that yet another random stranger is hoping you smile at least one extra time today. You deserve it.

  16. Heather

    That is the best present ever. Where can I get one?!

  17. Melanie Lynne Hauser

    We don’t have the knight with detachable arms and legs, but we do have the stuffed killer rabbit. He’s white, and cute, except for the nasty fangs and blood around his mouth!

    (I often wonder what the housecleaner thinks of us, since that rabbit’s usually somewhere in the middle of the floor, so the cats can play with it – and when she’s done cleaning, I always find it tucked neatly on a bookcase or something.)

    I hope your days only get better, Mir!

  18. ben

    Bravely, bold Sir Robin
    Rode forth from Camelot
    He was not afraid to die,
    No, Brave Sir Robin!

    He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,
    Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken;
    To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away;
    And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin!

    His head smashed in and his heart cut out
    And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged
    And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off
    And his pen–

    Oh, sorry bout that. Got carried away there.

    Hope you are well, Mir. I’m listening to my son play the harmonica. And the dogs sing. American Idol, here we come!

    (or, not.)

  19. trusty getto

    You mean there are people who don’t get the reference? No way!

    My soon-to-be-ex knows ’bout my blog, but I think she doesn’t go there on purpose ’cause she thinks I write about her. LOL! I don’t! Blogging is a way for me to *escape* that stuff, not go over it again and again in my mind.

    When I visit your truly happenin’ blog, and read about your friends, and read the comments of those who truly *like* you, I think to myself, you must have it together.

    So there you have it: not only are you copin’ well and lookin’ good, but you’re an inspiration, too!

  20. kestralyn

    For those who really want their MP products (and Cthuhlu and other oddities…) you can check out Pegasus Publishing:

    Isn’t it amazing how good it feels to tear something apart and throw it around… even if it’s built just for that?

    Welcome to Mir’s blog, ex! Play nice with the rest of us and we’ll let you live ;-)

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