Wow, nothing gets the crickets chirping like a grown woman crying her eyes out. Half my readership, struck silent in an instant! And for my next trick, I shall hurl racial epithets while trying to convert you to the Church Of Pitypartiology!
Or not. Because, um, there may just not be enough crickets in the world for that.
Anyway, your indulgence is/was much appreciated. I’m not quite through wallowing, but I’ll do my best to keep it to a minimum. Over the last few days I was blind-sided not once, not twice, but THREE times (a laaaadyyyyyy…) (apparently, for me, a symptom of distress is the inability to shut off snippets of bad songs in my head). They say bad things come in threes, so at least I don’t have to wait for anything else to blow up on me. Still, the suckage factor? This one goes all the way up to eleven. (If you don’t know the reference, you are dead to me.)
I’d love to hit the REWIND button and undo it all, but given that that’s not an option anyone has offered me, I’ve decided to just stop eating, instead. Seems less messy and more economical.
Haha! See, I’m more jovial already! And totally sort of kidding! And if you’re thinking of lecturing me I’m actually all the way kidding!
Anyhoo. In the midst of the Three Very Bad Things, a trio of events with a much lower factor of suckology (it is too a word) occurred. At this particular junction in my life, I will gladly cling to what I can get, so if you’re unimpressed by the following, shaddup or I’ll cry. Again.
1) The closing prayer last night at VBS was (I think, I may not have it quite right):
Thank you God, for my underwear.
Thank you God, for those who care.
And thank you God, that they all share.
Without them, God, some would go bare.
So thank you, God, for my underwear.
Monkey laughed his fool head off, and I almost smiled.
2) Bob–a regular reader whom I would like to tuck into my pocket and carry around with me for entertainment–sent me a present a while back, because he is a dear heart with a sick sense of humor (just the way I like ’em). I am now the proud owner of a black knight with detachable limbs. It’s been sitting on my kitchen counter for a week or so.
Last night, after I got the kids into bed, I went back downstairs and picked up that knight and ripped off his arms and legs and threw them on the floor. Then I started to cry (again). Then I looked at the limbless knight stump sitting in my hand and told him “It’s only a flesh wound!”
Then I giggled like a crazy person while I cried and was oh so very glad to know Bob and to have such a wonderful object with which to manifest my insanity.
3) As I figured I hadn’t much lower to go, I decided to finally clear the air and let my ex know that I know he’s found my blog. *waving* We had what amounted to a very reasonable conversation about it and while I certainly have enough other stuff to worry about right now, I’m pleased to have that out of the way. He knows, I know that he knows, he knows that I know he knows, (and they told two friends, and so on, and so on…) and the world continued to spin. Rather than giving me a hard time (which I would not have blamed him if he had) he was quite kind. So, yeah, probably he is devising a plan to kill me in my sleep, but so far so good. Haha! Kidding, again! Seriously, he’ll probably be annoyed that I even addressed this here, but credit where it’s due. Now let’s all go back to pretending I don’t know.
So, you know, none of these things have dissuaded me from my new favorite hobby (producing tears at inopportune times for the embarrassment of everyone present), but it’s a start.