… but I keep hoping.
Here’s the thing. I was unemployed for so freaking long, I can hardly believe that there is actual money being regularly deposited into my checking account, now. I mean, more money than what I need to pay the mortgage and daycare. (Digression: I walk into our daycare–a lovely and wonderful place which I adore and have patronized for nigh unto five years, now–at the beginning of each month and pull out my wallet and toss it on the counter and say “Here, take it all.” The kind lady behind the desk laughs every time.) It blows my mind that I don’t have to find the cheapest and very best deal on every purchase or pass things up if they’re not on sale.
But old habits are hard to break. And I’m not exactly the CEO at my new gig, either; so yes, there’s money (lovely, pretty money!), but I can’t just start living la vida loca or anything. I pay the mortgage and daycare; I pay the utility and phone bills; I pay the other bills; and then there’s about enough left over for the therapy fund.
Then again, if I’m gonna screw the kids up, maybe I should do it right and skip the therapy altogether. Four out of five voices in my head agree!
Anyway, it amuses me to observe the ways in which I justify expenditures and the steps I take to regulate my spending. I have to laugh, because otherwise I just have to admit that I’m touched in the head. And the voices don’t like that.
I try to break free of my inherent strangeness as regards money. To wit:
I bought an actual airline ticket! Just because! I cannot reveal how many hours I spent online searching for the lowest fare, however, because that would just highlight what a complete and utter jackass I was…
… for having somehow ended up booking the wrong day and having to pay a penalty that was about 31% of my ticket cost (not that I was counting, or anything).
But! I spent that money and lightning didn’t strike me dead and the weekend was fabulous and so, I think I may want to try that again! Except, without the part where I pay the extra money for being a moron! And also, possibly, with fewer exclamation points! (Note to self: less coffee, tomorrow.) So what did I do tonight? I spent hours on eBay, searching for discount ticket vouchers. Because in my confused little mind, I can only buy another plane ticket if I manage to “save” the penalty from the last ticket.
… I will book an appointment to have my hair done (cut and straightening treatment; not cheap) without batting an eyelash. Because the war against frizz is right up there with the war on hunger, people.
… yet I bitch constantly about how much grey I have, and still haven’t taken the plunge to have my hair colored, because, geez, that’s expensive.
… I have no problem dropping $3 on a coffee while I’m out running around.
… but I became irrationally excited when I saw in this week’s Target flier than Coke 12-packs are only $2.50 this week, because I only buy my cherished Diet Coke With Lime when it’s on sale. That’s right, $3.50 for 12 cans of soda is way too much. I need that extra dollar. For my coffee.
My head hurts. I think I may need to buy some shoes (on sale) to ease my pain….