The television is possessed
Is it me, or is American Idol on about five nights a week, now? I mean, heck, I understand that this is important stuff, what with the critical shortage of pop stars we are currently experiencing here in America…. And golly, isn’t it just edge-of-your-seat unpredictable? I mean, WOW.
*young beautiful person sings a song*
*audience hoots and hollers and claps*
Randy: What up, dawg? You brought it tonight, dawg. Mad props.
Paula: You’re adorable, I want to eat you with a spoon. Lovely. Fabulous. I want to have your babies.
Simon: Yeah, um, you suck. Maybe you could be a lounge singer.
My phone was popular while I was away
Everyone who matters to me knew I was out of town this weekend. Not only that, but on a regular day I’m lucky to receive a single phone call, anyway. But I came home to SEVEN messages on my answering machine. True, five of them were hang-ups. But seven messages! That’s like my whole year’s allotment, right there! And according to the Caller ID, I actually had fifteen calls. Wow. If I were a less trusting person, I’d think my answering machine was running around on me.
Sadly, it turns out that the most persistent caller caught me this evening, and she wanted money and my address. I tried to pretend I didn’t speak english, but she wasn’t fooled. College alumni associations hire succubi to man their phones, you know.
Remember how my computer was broken for a while? And then it stopped being broken? (Actually, a good samaritan took pity on me and fixed it.) So, it’s fine now. Sort of. It’s fine except for the fact that it is apparently miffed with me for having downloaded photos to my other machine while it was out of commission. I can no longer coax my computer into so much as acknowledging when I’ve plugged the USB cable into my camera. Removable disk? What? No, I don’t see it. What do you mean it’s right there? Nope, sorry. I see nothing. Why don’t you try your laptop, I bet it would only be too happy to look at your stupid pictures with you. Bitch.