Beware the machines

By Mir
March 7, 2005

The television is possessed

Is it me, or is American Idol on about five nights a week, now? I mean, heck, I understand that this is important stuff, what with the critical shortage of pop stars we are currently experiencing here in America…. And golly, isn’t it just edge-of-your-seat unpredictable? I mean, WOW.

*young beautiful person sings a song*
*audience hoots and hollers and claps*
What up, dawg? You brought it tonight, dawg. Mad props.
Paula: You’re adorable, I want to eat you with a spoon. Lovely. Fabulous. I want to have your babies.
Simon: Yeah, um, you suck. Maybe you could be a lounge singer.
*audience boos*

That’s entertainment!

My phone was popular while I was away

Everyone who matters to me knew I was out of town this weekend. Not only that, but on a regular day I’m lucky to receive a single phone call, anyway. But I came home to SEVEN messages on my answering machine. True, five of them were hang-ups. But seven messages! That’s like my whole year’s allotment, right there! And according to the Caller ID, I actually had fifteen calls. Wow. If I were a less trusting person, I’d think my answering machine was running around on me.

Sadly, it turns out that the most persistent caller caught me this evening, and she wanted money and my address. I tried to pretend I didn’t speak english, but she wasn’t fooled. College alumni associations hire succubi to man their phones, you know.

What camera?

Remember how my computer was broken for a while? And then it stopped being broken? (Actually, a good samaritan took pity on me and fixed it.) So, it’s fine now. Sort of. It’s fine except for the fact that it is apparently miffed with me for having downloaded photos to my other machine while it was out of commission. I can no longer coax my computer into so much as acknowledging when I’ve plugged the USB cable into my camera. Removable disk? What? No, I don’t see it. What do you mean it’s right there? Nope, sorry. I see nothing. Why don’t you try your laptop, I bet it would only be too happy to look at your stupid pictures with you. Bitch.


  1. Debbue

    First blog site I have been too. I applaud you. I am a former single parent of three….hold the course, keep your hunor and keep writing!

  2. Amy

    Hey, I love your blog! Glad you had a nice time on your weekend away.

    By the way, I am so with you on American Idol. I can’t stand to watch it.

  3. Bob

    Hah! computer infidelity isn’t easily forgiven. “I’ll teach you to fondle some other keyboard’s T & A. Saved video of Monkey & Chickadee? I don’t know what you’re talking about. Maybe you’ll find it on that OTHER hard drive. Now leave me alone, I have a defrag to do. Don’t even think of inserting a floppy anytime soon. Hmph”.

    Hell hath no wrath like a desktop scorned.

  4. Amanda B.

    We watched part of “The Contender” last night. It’s all about these seemingly really nice guys with adorable children and all they want to do is be professional boxers so that they can earn a decent living for their families.

    So they are making these guys run around and compete against each other as well as pounding the crap out of each other periodically to see who is “best”.

    How classy is that?

  5. Suzanne

    I thought I was the only American alive that didn’t watch American Idol or all the other reality television shows! I can’t stand any of them…and never watch them!
    What’s with that whole Nick and Jessica Simpson thing anyways? barf!

  6. CursingMama

    You’ve wronged your computer, you will pay…..
    You totally pegged American Idol, but I can’t stop watching!

  7. panajane

    Oh man, that was funny.

  8. pam

    I think I’ve watched 15 minutes of American Idol … yet I know all about it. Weird. (Same was true about Who Wants to be a Millionaire.) We were in the mall here during a big AI audition one day. Mobbed! Swamped! Just incredible.

  9. Amy B.

    You have me cracking up. Great blog! :)

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