How not to go away (in 10 easy steps)

By Mir
March 4, 2005

(Or, “How am I Stupid? Let Me Count the Ways.”)

1) Get up at 5:30 in the morning so as to be at work nice and early, and therefore able to leave a little early. Still forget a bunch of stuff.

2) Arrive at work and realize you’re about to leave town with $11 in your wallet.

3) Run out and get money before lunch (later, notice gigantic installation of your bank a block before the airport).

4) Leave work in plenty of time to get to airport. Pat self on back, mentally, as you drive past the turn for long-term parking. Ack.

5) Loop back to long-term parking, noting which lots are open. Head to an open lot. Discover they lied, and it’s closed.

6) Try another lot. Drive around in circles looking for a spot. Check watch. Start to panic.

7) Park! Write down car location because you know you’ll forget it, otherwise. Leave that piece of paper in the car.

8) Hop shuttle to terminal. Discover your airline offers little ATM-like machines for automatic check-in. Gleefully swipe card, only to be told you cannot check in yet. But… it’s less than an hour til flight time. Huh?

9) Get the attention of an attendant behind the counter. Explain your problem. Have her look up your flight info.

9a) Be told your reservations are for tomorrow.
9b) Indignantly whip out your Travelocity reservations.
9c) They also say tomorrow.
9d) Cry.
9e) Pay the Stupidity Tax and get your ticket changed to Right Now Please.
9f) Stand in the security line, still sniffling, shoeless, while they go through the toiletry kit of the man ahead of you (bombs in his toothpaste?) and hold your shoes captive in the x-ray machine.
9g) Arrive at gate.

10) Get on plane. Heave sigh of relief.
10a) Realize you have a migraine.
10b) Take medicine.
10c) Go to sleep.
10d) Wake up in different city.
10e) Wander off plane in a migraine haze.
10f) Try to put the day’s events behind you and have a great trip.


  1. Amanda B.

    Hmm hmm hmm. Laaa lalala. EEEEEEK!

  2. alektra

    Poor Mir. I’m just glad you decided to go ahead and pay to change your ticket! :) Hope you have a good time.

  3. ben

    Oh, man. I hope you’re writing this stuff down, it might come in handy sometime.

  4. Jenny

    Start drinking, sister.

    And have a wonderful trip. I’m jealous.

  5. dad

    You are not alone. Just because you’re smart and organized doesn’t mean you always get it all right.
    I once arived at LaGuardia airport on a business trip and discoveded I had $1.44 with me. And that was before the days when there were ATM machines everywhere but well after the days when you could get a cab into Manhattan for less then two bucks.
    The world is still turning.

  6. Fraulein N

    Poor Mir. Have fun on your trip; you deserve it!

  7. Cindy

    I have those days a lot…hope you have a good trip!

  8. Zuska

    …Sounds to me like you were just a tad excited about this trip to pay attention to those pesky little details, lol!!!

    And may I take this opportunity to say you have one helluva’ cool dad – I love him!!!

  9. Joe Cool(Cowboy)

    Aaahhhh, that is so Murphy’s Law at total eclipse time. You have a good trip though, and glad you COULD change your ticket instead of them making ya come back the next day.

  10. Beverly

    Wow, what an adventure, huh?

    Now that you got the hard part out of the way, you’re sure to have a great time for the rest of the weekend!

  11. Nikki-ann

    SOunds like quite a day, before the trip even started!

  12. Amy

    I recommend a liberal application of alcohol. Immediately.

    Have a great time anyway!

  13. Cristin

    wow. ouch.
    but that part is over now….have a blast!

  14. udge

    I thought I was the only person who ever arrived 24 hours early for a flight. I am relieved to find myself in such fine company! Have a great time, and don’t you dare blog again until you get back home.

  15. Hula Doula

    Just think…the crazy part is over. Now it’s time to enjoy!

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