(Or, “How am I Stupid? Let Me Count the Ways.”)
1) Get up at 5:30 in the morning so as to be at work nice and early, and therefore able to leave a little early. Still forget a bunch of stuff.
2) Arrive at work and realize you’re about to leave town with $11 in your wallet.
3) Run out and get money before lunch (later, notice gigantic installation of your bank a block before the airport).
4) Leave work in plenty of time to get to airport. Pat self on back, mentally, as you drive past the turn for long-term parking. Ack.
5) Loop back to long-term parking, noting which lots are open. Head to an open lot. Discover they lied, and it’s closed.
6) Try another lot. Drive around in circles looking for a spot. Check watch. Start to panic.
7) Park! Write down car location because you know you’ll forget it, otherwise. Leave that piece of paper in the car.
8) Hop shuttle to terminal. Discover your airline offers little ATM-like machines for automatic check-in. Gleefully swipe card, only to be told you cannot check in yet. But… it’s less than an hour til flight time. Huh?
9) Get the attention of an attendant behind the counter. Explain your problem. Have her look up your flight info.
9a) Be told your reservations are for tomorrow.
9b) Indignantly whip out your Travelocity reservations.
9c) They also say tomorrow.
9e) Pay the Stupidity Tax and get your ticket changed to Right Now Please.
9f) Stand in the security line, still sniffling, shoeless, while they go through the toiletry kit of the man ahead of you (bombs in his toothpaste?) and hold your shoes captive in the x-ray machine.
9g) Arrive at gate.
10) Get on plane. Heave sigh of relief.
10a) Realize you have a migraine.
10b) Take medicine.
10c) Go to sleep.
10d) Wake up in different city.
10e) Wander off plane in a migraine haze.
10f) Try to put the day’s events behind you and have a great trip.