I just told my alarm clock to bite me

By Mir
February 11, 2005

I did it. Made it through one! whole! week! at! my! new! job! Oops. I just blogged about having a job, so therefore I will now be fired. I should’ve been more careful. But you know, I heard about this sort of thing happening on the news, so it must be true.

[Sidebar: I have a friend who once explained to me that every crisis on the news can be boiled down to one of two basic plots. If the story isn’t “I want my baby back” then it’s “why water can kill you.” My friend is very wise.]

Anyway… it’s Friday night and I made it. I am still exhausted, but someday I’ll adjust to my new schedule. Right?? Say right. I am way too excited about the prospect of sleeping past 5:45 tomorrow morning. The children have been informed that they are more than welcome to get up at any time, but that I am not to be disturbed prior to 8:00. They may go downstairs, watch cartoons, help themselves to some breakfast, snort cocaine, set fire to the neighborhood pets, whatever, so long as I don’t have to open my eyes and/or pay attention until I actually feel like getting out of bed.

I think that’s fair.

Anyway, you’ve all been so supportive as I’ve rejoined the ranks of the working. It’s made so warm and fuzzy, I’ve decided to throw caution to the wind! That’s right! Well, truly, I am too tired to throw anything anywhere, so I’m just kind of lifting my caution wearily and hoping a gust of wind will pass by. But whatever. I simply must share some work highlights.

Just to make it more interesting, the following tidbits are all factual except for one. It will be for the reader to decide which is the bogus item.

1) I broke the company website. Then we fixed it, but my boss is now prefacing every request with “See if you can do this without breaking anything.”

2) My new best friend the dog/pony ate a cookie off my desk one day and then gave me the quintessential “Who, ME?” look.

3) I received training on something so geeky, that upon sharing this with the biggest geek I know I was told that if I found the training even remotely interesting that would be too scary.

4) After observing a series of negotiation emails fly back and forth (on which I was being cc:ed to help me “get up to speed”), I decided to enter the fray and prove my worth. I sent my boss an email suggesting that on the next round he offer the customer forty sticks of beef jerky.

Yeah, sleep would be good.


  1. susan

    I understand the whole ‘don’t blog about your job or you will be dooced” but can you just tell us what field you work in now and what you generic job duties are?

  2. susan

    Uh, that would be ‘your generic’. Doh!

  3. Sheryl

    I’m guessing #1 is false. 4 has to be true, because nothing says, “We want your business” like dried meat.

  4. Brownie

    I just started reading your blog, you are pretty dang funny!

  5. udge

    #2 is the fake. The doghorse said “Gimme more bigger cookies now!”

  6. rudolf

    I’ll have to go with #3 as the fake. I would expect you to say #4.

  7. RockStar Mommy

    Huge congrats on getting through the first week, that’s always the toughest. Now you can start finding your groove and all that, which makes the environment much more adaptable.

    Anyway, I pick #1. Because I just can’t see YOU, in all your brilliance, breaking anything. And I wish I was being sarcastic here, but I’m not. ;)

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