I am exhausted.
I am physically exhausted, because I’m not sleeping enough. Funny how a job can cut into your nap time, and how having become accustomed to staying up til the wee hours makes it hard to get to bed early even when you have to get up at o’dark thirty.
I am mentally exhausted, because my brain is on overdrive. I am still reeling from the shock of my recent good fortunes. I want to say that I am merrily traipsing along, enjoying all my blessings. But the reality is that even “good” stress is still stress, and my neurons are shaking with fatigue.
There are things I will need to learn and decisions I will need to make and responsibilities I’ve taken on. So many people are depending on me for various things and I still need to puzzle out what I need, and how I make it happen.
So I headed off to a meeting at church tonight, yawning and fretting, and half-wishing I had not agreed to yet another time commitment. I tried to tune my mind to the task at hand. And as we settled in for the business of the gathering I learned that a young woman in our congregation has fallen life-threateningly ill and is now in the hospital for aggressive treatment.
She is my age. She has three small children. She is a friend of mine, and the last time I saw her chances are that the demon inside her was already laying in wait, but no one knew. No one even suspected.
I’ll be praying for her, and for her family. And clinging to those I love. How dare I worry over mundane what-ifs when life is uncertain for each and every one of us? When even those who do everything “right” may not get to see their children grow to adulthood?
I don’t know what the future holds. I know I want to treasure what I have right now.