Signs that I am still my usual weird and neurotic self in spite of my fabulous new job which I am not talking about except for the part where I can’t stop mentioning it:
1) I have serious TiVo envy. Part of this stems from the fact that I cannot stop myself from watching “ER” every Thursday even though it jumped the shark several seasons ago. It’s like passing a car accident; come home from choir, watch “ER.” If I had TiVo, at least I could fast-forward through the boring parts. Or maybe TiVo would figure out that I really don’t WANT to watch “ER” and would refuse to tape it for me.
2) Catching up on laundry is a major event. I am already having panic attacks to the tune of “How in the world will I keep up with the laundry when I’m working full time??” I plan to start wrapping the children in Saran every morning to cut down on the wear and tear to their clothing.
3) My idea of an thrilling happy-new-job-to-me splurge purchase is this. It was suggested to me that lingerie may have been more exciting, but I disagree. Nothing says “take me now” like a really clean floor.
4) Everything is going so well, I am coming up with a million ways that things can spiral downwards in the blink of an eye. Sure, some of my scenarios are unlikely. The roving pack of rabid coyotes thing, for example, probably won’t happen. But the part where I screw everything up because I’m, um, me… well, aren’t we all a little surprised that hasn’t happened already?
5) There is nothing good on TV at all, really. So the TiVo envy thing is pretty dumb. As is the fact that my television is still on. But leaving it on distracts me from the various disaster scenarios I keep manufacturing. Briefly. Does my roof look okay to you? Also, is there anything you need to tell me? I can stop watching these “Seinfeld” reruns if we need to talk.