Still me

By Mir
January 27, 2005

Signs that I am still my usual weird and neurotic self in spite of my fabulous new job which I am not talking about except for the part where I can’t stop mentioning it:

1) I have serious TiVo envy. Part of this stems from the fact that I cannot stop myself from watching “ER” every Thursday even though it jumped the shark several seasons ago. It’s like passing a car accident; come home from choir, watch “ER.” If I had TiVo, at least I could fast-forward through the boring parts. Or maybe TiVo would figure out that I really don’t WANT to watch “ER” and would refuse to tape it for me.

2) Catching up on laundry is a major event. I am already having panic attacks to the tune of “How in the world will I keep up with the laundry when I’m working full time??” I plan to start wrapping the children in Saran every morning to cut down on the wear and tear to their clothing.

3) My idea of an thrilling happy-new-job-to-me splurge purchase is this. It was suggested to me that lingerie may have been more exciting, but I disagree. Nothing says “take me now” like a really clean floor.

4) Everything is going so well, I am coming up with a million ways that things can spiral downwards in the blink of an eye. Sure, some of my scenarios are unlikely. The roving pack of rabid coyotes thing, for example, probably won’t happen. But the part where I screw everything up because I’m, um, me… well, aren’t we all a little surprised that hasn’t happened already?

5) There is nothing good on TV at all, really. So the TiVo envy thing is pretty dumb. As is the fact that my television is still on. But leaving it on distracts me from the various disaster scenarios I keep manufacturing. Briefly. Does my roof look okay to you? Also, is there anything you need to tell me? I can stop watching these “Seinfeld” reruns if we need to talk.


  1. Cori

    I don’t have Tivo yet, either. Since there isn’t anything on tv tonight, this would be the perfect opportunity to watch something we had previously recorded, would it not? *sigh* Instead, I am listening to…something…on tv and catching up on my blogging.

  2. Katrina

    The Floormate is a totally wonderful machine! It’s quick and easy and lightweight and relatively small. And it does a great job.

    Except on corners. If you’re anal (not that I’m saying I’m am), you’ll still have to clean the corners. But…hello! Without it, you had to clean the whole floor!

    Congrats on your new job, btw. Sounds very exciting and wonderful.

  3. Sheryl

    If you haven’t owned hard wood floors, you don’t realize how hard they are to keep clean. You can feel every bit of dust and fuzz on your bare feet, and 98% of the time I’m bare-footed. This used to drive me crazy when we had wood floors throughout our house. Guess you’ll have to join getupgrrl on her nbhhy campaign, eh?

  4. Amy

    Your splurge purchase should DEFINITELY have been TiVo. I have it, and let me tell you, I don’t give a flying flip if my floors are clean!

  5. Zuska

    Oh. My. God! I NEED that machine! I’d opt for it instead of TiVo too.

    But enough about floor cleaners. I’m like you; I can paint a thousand disaster scenarios in the blink of an eye. In a sick way, I think it’s healthy…and it amuses my therapist to no end. Just keep the rabid coyotes away from the boss’ dog, and you’ll do fine.

  6. Ben

    I keep seeing the commercial with the kangaroo:

    “I’ll clean that floor, mate!”

    God rest him. He was my favorite on Jag.

    (Hey ben, ramble much?)

  7. Janet

    Did you already buy the hoover? Cause I have one I can’t use, because the floors of my old house aren’t completely flat! Let me know…

  8. Julie

    Clean floors are overrated. Get yourself a TiVo!! I record ER out of habit as well, and let me tell you, it’s fantastic to be able to zip through those boring traumas. I never ever watch live TV any more. And it has a funny side effect: I catch myself trying to pause live people.

    Only $79.95 after rebate at Amazon…come on, you know you really want one…

  9. Betsy

    Get the TiVo (you knew I’d say that, right?)
    And then get a Swiffer and convince the children that it’s way fun and they should use it Often.

    How do you do that? Forbid them from using it, of course…

  10. Miriam

    Delurking… Wow, I come home from choir and watch ER too. I’m just bummed Will & Grace isn’t on at 9 anymore — I used to be so excited when choir got out early enough to catch it too. Wait, does that make my life sound, um, not too exciting? But on the ER subject again, exactly how many people can either be shot or threatened with a gun in one season? Shouldn’t there be a limit?

  11. dave

    Clean floors are overrated.

  12. dave

    Floors that say “take me now” need to get glued, screwed, or nailed.

    Lingerie that says “take me now” gets two out of three.

  13. Shiz

    Please tell us how the SPLURGE works out. I likes a clean floor. Though I think another splurge for you should be a weekly laundry lady.

  14. Bob

    maybe your splurge should be a new pair of FMB’s (save the odiferous pair for emergencies requiring luck), a new lbd and a night out on the town in celebration. Who knows – a turn around in the financial area could be the harbinger of a turn around in another “area” that has been lacking.

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