Can’t fight this feeeeeeeeeling anymoooooore

By Mir
January 24, 2005

Thanks to my pal and comrade-in-insanity, Joshilyn, I finally have a concise explanation for that feeling I sometimes get. You know the one… where everything is just a tad off, you’re a little bit edgy, and–perhaps most importantly–you feel compelled to do stupid things.

Why yes, that is pretty much how I feel all the time, but I mean the feeling of those sorts of things being exacerbated, somehow. The feeling of wanting and needing something that is just out of reach.

That feeling, my friends, (and thanks to Joss for pointing it out) is the feeling of my Mental Illness Number soaring skyward. I’d advise you all to stand clear, but I’m afraid it won’t be headed back this way for quite some time.

A quick recap of my exemplary set of choices today:

1) Show friend outfit for interview tomorrow. Reaffirm ridiculous choice to wear fabulous boots even though we just got 23″ of snow and I am guaranteeing I shall fall down and break my ass.

2) Package up a rawhide bone to take to interview. (For the DOG. Although someday, for a job I don’t actually want, perhaps I will try gnawing on one of those during an interview just to gauge reactions.) Meanwhile, neglect the actual real preparation I should be doing in favor of freaking out.

3) Have lunch with friend and talk about how I must clean up my house.

4) Do not clean up house.

5) Order two pairs of shoes. On account of I have no job and no money and sitting around the house requires more footwear. (It was here, I think, that the mental illness number actually penetrated the stratosphere.)

6) Convince self that perfectly lovely and kind and wonderful person whom I adore is just wrong to even speak to me on a regular basis and/or has some horrible flaw I must pinpoint.

7) Annoy perfectly lovely and kind and wonderful person via bizarre conversation until said person makes excuse to go do something else, at which point I am convinced that not only was I right all along, but I am a supremely obnoxious person.

8) Eschew housecleaning in favor of napping. As long as I’m a horrible unlovable person, I may as well get some rest.

9) Wake up and realize that the impending job interview may, in fact, be stressing me out just a wee bit more than I’d previously supposed.

10) Decide to make peace with my mental illness. Also with the leftover brownies. Mmmmmm….


  1. Mamacita

    So. . . this is unusual how? You’ve just described my life! Am I mental? Well, yeah, there’s that. How were the brownies?

  2. RockStar Mommy

    Brownies make it alllllll better. For a short while, anyway.

  3. Amanda B.

    I love it. You’ll do fine on your interview. I hate “transitional phases”. Blech.

    I like “I am a golden goddess” phases much better. Now, if we can only integrate the two… :)

  4. rudolf

    (1) Definitely wear the boots. Shorter skirt this time, though, please.

    (2) I *so* want to comment, but your parents read this blog.

    (5) As a non-metrosexual male, I do *not* understand the shoe thing.

    (6) You may be right about this :-)

    (7) If you can’t annoy the ones you love, then whom can you annoy?

    (3/4/8/9/10) This seems like perfectly normal behavior to me!

  5. L.

    #26 on your “stuff about me” you said: “It’s possible that I am the whitest white woman on the planet.” i think my sis-in-law has you beat. :P someone snapped a pic of us together at xmas and when she saw she said, “damn, am i really that white?” so i was looked at it and i said, “damn, maybe i’m really that black!” oh never mind. we thought it was funny. :P

  6. L.

    btw, the mental illness part has me lost. i must’ve missed the bus somewhere. the meds…make the brain a bit murky.

  7. Jules

    OK..Rudy and the whole thing with #2 sort of scare me…

    And also, you want mental illness….I now have REO Speedwagon I Can’t Fight This Feeling stuck in my head…there’s no room in there for that :p

  8. Scott

    If you know you are mentally ill, then you have a little bit further to go until true madness. You can do it. I believe in you! =)

    Work those boots and good luck in the interview. Pet the dog, but not the interviewer.

  9. lissa

    Edgy, crabby and eating brownies? Sounds like stress and a dash of PMS. Pass the brownie crumbs, I’ll lick the plate. Oh and break a leg!

  10. jenny

    Just make sure your purse is semi cleaned out in case the doggie starts sniffing around and tears into your bag and spills old receipts and loose change and unwrapped gum everywhere.
    Best of Luck.

  11. Mindy

    I think that I am now scared. You and I are living the same lives in 2 different states. (thank God I am at least not having the snow) Either that or you are stalking me!!

  12. Rachel

    I think you can chalk just about all of it up to good preparation for your job interview. Not cleaning the house, lunch with friends, shoes/talking about shoes/buying shoes, brownies, and not killing yourself to come up with canned answers to interview questions? Sounds the like the perfect pre-interview day to me! Good luck.

  13. Ben

    I just wanted to say, good luck, and we’re all counting on you.

  14. A Touch of Style

    Well it seems that you cleared up a lot of worries for a lot of people. We are all in the same boat!


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