Thanks to my pal and comrade-in-insanity, Joshilyn, I finally have a concise explanation for that feeling I sometimes get. You know the one… where everything is just a tad off, you’re a little bit edgy, and–perhaps most importantly–you feel compelled to do stupid things.
Why yes, that is pretty much how I feel all the time, but I mean the feeling of those sorts of things being exacerbated, somehow. The feeling of wanting and needing something that is just out of reach.
That feeling, my friends, (and thanks to Joss for pointing it out) is the feeling of my Mental Illness Number soaring skyward. I’d advise you all to stand clear, but I’m afraid it won’t be headed back this way for quite some time.
A quick recap of my exemplary set of choices today:
1) Show friend outfit for interview tomorrow. Reaffirm ridiculous choice to wear fabulous boots even though we just got 23″ of snow and I am guaranteeing I shall fall down and break my ass.
2) Package up a rawhide bone to take to interview. (For the DOG. Although someday, for a job I don’t actually want, perhaps I will try gnawing on one of those during an interview just to gauge reactions.) Meanwhile, neglect the actual real preparation I should be doing in favor of freaking out.
3) Have lunch with friend and talk about how I must clean up my house.
4) Do not clean up house.
5) Order two pairs of shoes. On account of I have no job and no money and sitting around the house requires more footwear. (It was here, I think, that the mental illness number actually penetrated the stratosphere.)
6) Convince self that perfectly lovely and kind and wonderful person whom I adore is just wrong to even speak to me on a regular basis and/or has some horrible flaw I must pinpoint.
7) Annoy perfectly lovely and kind and wonderful person via bizarre conversation until said person makes excuse to go do something else, at which point I am convinced that not only was I right all along, but I am a supremely obnoxious person.
8) Eschew housecleaning in favor of napping. As long as I’m a horrible unlovable person, I may as well get some rest.
9) Wake up and realize that the impending job interview may, in fact, be stressing me out just a wee bit more than I’d previously supposed.
10) Decide to make peace with my mental illness. Also with the leftover brownies. Mmmmmm….