I’ve had quite a week. And it’s only Tuesday!
Now, usually when I say that, I’m slamming my forehead down repeatedly on the desk. This time, it’s more like I’m pinching myself and waiting to wake up.
Or just, you know, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Anyway. I got an interesting phone call this evening. Just one more piece of the unfolding mystery of my 2005.
As I may have mentioned before, I’m pretty active in my church. However, I was not raised as a Christian, so sometimes I still feel like I’m not a proper member of the club. I know the password, but I haven’t quite mastered the secret handshake, if you know what I mean.
So I was quite floored tonight when my pastor called to ask if I would consider mentoring one of our upcoming confirmands. I was actually requested by the young lady in question, and her parents approved of her choice. We talked about it for a while, and I agreed to think it over and get back to him. Then, being the dedicated navel-gazer that I am, I hung up the phone and set about trying to figure out why I was so surprised.
So I figured out a lot of things, and mostly distilled it down to:
1) Don’t these people know I’m just playing a Christian on television?
2) Don’t these people know that I was never confirmed, so I can’t possibly guide someone else through it? (see 1)
3) Don’t these people know that I’m divorced, and therefore a lousy role model?
4) Don’t these… wait, back up.
5) Number 3…? Did I say that?
6) Shit. Apparently.
Leave it to me to eclipse a very flattering and kind endorsement with an unexpected attack of self-flagellation. Have I mentioned how much fun I am at parties? Woo!
I’m working so hard. Things are starting to come together. They truly are. So when do I get to feel like it’s real, and I deserve it? When does it stop being such a surprise? When do I own the good in my life and stop agonizing over the rest?
It’s starting to look like they taught me the secret handshake but I just keep forgetting it. How embarrassing.