Things about which I am freakish

By Mir
December 29, 2004

Everyone has their little foibles, right? It sounds so quaint to say “foibles” instead of just saying damn, some people are unbelievably anal. Same meaning, different nuance. Foible: cute, adorable, fuzzy, and quirky. Anal: ewwwwwwww.

I am not anal. I have foibles. Tralala!

Several of my foibles converged today. I’m about all foibled out.

Foible Number 1: I pay ON TIME and NOT A PENNY MORE

The quickest way to make my head blow up is to screw with my sense of responsibility regarding money. Let’s say I agree to a direct debit of a monthly amount to cover a bill, and you decide to charge me more than the agreed amount for some reason. Not good. Even if the overage is only a few dollars, I will not rest until I find out WHY and then get you to give that money BACK and tell me that I’m pretty. Dammit. Likewise, if I sit down to pay bills and find that my bank sent my online bill payment a day late and therefore I’ve accrued an actual FINANCE CHARGE on my credit card, the world as I know it will END until I get the credit card company on the phone and get them to agree that this was not my fault and I should not have to pay extra because my bank people are big weenies. It is not so much about being cheap (although I am also cheap) (but I am not easy!) (how many parenthetical comments should I insert here to defend my honor, do you suppose?), but about knowing the WHYs and WHEREFOREs of where my money is going.

Foible Number 2: Skin care is not rocket science

I have learned to bite my tongue in most matters where my ex and I differ on child-rearing. He is, in most ways, a very good father. He loves the kids, and he’s not a stupid person, although he is a very different person (and parent) than I am. Let it go, let it go… that’s my mantra. When it’s not a big deal.

Well, call me crazy, but I am getting really sick of my daughter coming home with bleeding eczema every time she goes to stay with her father. I have given him detailed instructions as well as ointments to use on her and I just fail to understand why he is incapable of tending to her condition in some way other than “Oh, by the way, Chickadee’s skin is looking pretty bad” when he drops them off. I am running out of ways of presenting this to him in a way that he will hear. Because if I say this is unacceptable or negligent, he becomes enraged and insists I look for any reason to put him down, blah blah blah blah.

Knowing that he could look at her skin looking like that and not do everything possible to FIX IT makes me want to hurt him.

Foible Number 3: I want to be a real girl

I recently went to a Party Lite candle party, because it was hosted by a friend of mine who threatened to cry if I didn’t come, and she promised me lots of coffee and treats. So I went. I did not buy anything, but I did drink a lot of coffee. I’m sure you want to invite me to your upcoming sales parties, now. However, I learned more at this party about candles than I ever wanted to know, including the fact that large candles need to be “hugged.” Apparently, candles need love, too.

No, actually, “hugging” the candles after they’ve been burning for a few hours evens out the tops and prevents the “tunnelling” effect that larger candles tend to have. Now, I do have a few jar candles around the house, and I never thought much about them. But since this party I have realized that GOOD HEAVENS I have never hugged my candles! And they are all lopsided and tunnelled! So I have been madly hugging my candles every since, and they refuse to look pretty again despite my efforts, and this only serves to confirm for me that I am not really a girl.

Sure, I have a closetful of shoes, but my candle-hugging skills are lacking. It’s keeping me up at night. And now you know the awful truth.

Foibles Number 4 thru seventy billion:

It’s a little late for the rest of them. Sorry. Another day, maybe.


  1. Shari

    I am just chewing my nails over your ex’s lack of response to your daughter’s eczema needs. My heart aches for you… it must be nothing short of torture to let your kids go to him on a regular basis. My suggestion? (Because I’m evil). Take pictures with the date in the corner and maybe even take her to the doctor to get a statement… in case your ex ever has the nerve to try to sue for full custody… then you’ll have a nice file full of Very Good Reasons the judge should kick his ass and deny his petition.

    Just a nice idea inspired by this gracious holiday. *sigh*

  2. RockStar Mommy

    I’m the same way with money and bills. My whole world feels as if it’s collapsing if something goes other than it should. This one time, the phone company “never received” payment for TWO MONTHS even though I KNOW I sent both payement, I even had the carbon copies of my checks – and they shut my long distance off and my husband couldn’t call his kids and was FREAKING out … I really thought I was going to implode that day. I called the phone company and only after acting very un-lady like did they “find” the checks and turn it back on. Bastards!

  3. alektra

    I think anyone responsible with money feels the same way about the bills.

    As for Chickadee? That IS something a social worker would FREAK about. I don’t know exactly what direction to go with, because it sounds like you’re trying to be a good parent and make sure the kids have a good relationship with their dad.

    However, BLEEDING eczema? Can you have the doctor write him a letter or a note regarding the matter and the importance of it? No, he’ll probably figure it’s you being mean.

    However, it IS child abuse. It is. And maybe a lawyer could give you some advice on how to make him realize this.

  4. Fraulein N

    I am anal like that about my bills. (I’m not even going to pretend it’s a foible.) But um … how do you “hug” a candle? Or do I not want to know?

  5. Jenn

    Most men that I’ve known don’t seem to know what to do with skin (Metrosexual men excluded). My husband gets this rashy thing (there’s a real name for it, but I can’t remember what his doctor called it, but it’s common in people with asthma and allergies), it’s kind of scaly and bumpy, it’s not eczema, and he has a steroid cream to put on it. Clears it right up in a few days. Does he remember to use it on flare-ups? Nope. It’s a flaming red rash, and I point it out, and he says “I don’t know where the cream is.” I point out that it’s the same place that it always is, and we have several tubes of it. “I’ll use it later.” Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

    It’s his problem if he wants nasty skin, but I’m sorry that your ex does the same thing to poor Chickadee.

    Ok, I’ll bite. How do you hug a candle? Because all my candles have big holes in them too.

  6. alice

    So, I know this is a semi-old post, but I couldn’t find an “email Mir and tell her things” link, so I’ll post it and take my chances. In addition to making me sigh in recognition of a fellow bill-detail junkie, your post made me say to myself “hey! here are other people dealing with the crap that is eczema – I should tell them about my recent discovery!” (warning: if you don’t want to read suggestions from strange internet people about skincare, disregard the following ass-vice.)

    Elidel was helping me some, but a friend turned me onto Omega 6 and Omega 3 oils. I take them as supplements (borage and flax oil are my sources of choice), and it’s made a world of difference. I’ve had scaly hands for about 8 years at this point, and they are now SOFT. And NON-RED. I know that Chickadee takes other meds, and so would encourage this in an “ask the doc” way, rather than a “it’ll be great to start today” way. But, since pills may be easier to remember than creme, if this works it could help the situation at the Ex’s as well as little Ms. Dee’s skin.

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