Exactly as I pictured it… sort of

By Mir
December 23, 2004
Category Friends

There are certain things every woman wants out of friendship with her girlfriends. She wants a ready shoulder when she needs to cry. She wants a comrade-in-chocolate when desperate times call for desperate measures. She wants a “OH NO THEY DIDN’T” when righteous indignation is needed. She wants a buddy who both agrees that her children are the cutest ever and that she deserves several medals for not beating them senseless.

Now, when I started blogging, and found myself actually meeting and befriending women whom I considered to be worthy writers, I looked forward to the riches of information I would be gleaning either through osmosis or actual conversation. These women would teach me how to improve my own writing, I knew. They would show me how to make a go of it in this business, and the secrets to producing publishable work. I would be a member of a coveted society where craft was KING and the members held the keys to the secret chambers of heavenly treasure!

Or, you know, we would just have entire conversations about our BUTTS. Either way.*

Joshilyn : I better go work out — i TOTALLY overslept
genericmir: us too
genericmir: Though I am not fettered by a desire to work out, thankfully.
Joshilyn : hehehe I prefer to think of it as obsessive-compulsive drive, thanks.
genericmir: Oh, right.
genericmir: I’ll seeya later
Joshilyn : OKAY dernit, off to be virtuous and THINNER
genericmir: bitch
Joshilyn : LOL
genericmir: I’m waving my FAT ASS in your direction!
Joshilyn : WAIT can I tell you something?
genericmir: Yes!
Joshilyn : ABOUT MY ASS
genericmir: LOL ohboy
genericmir: uh huh
genericmir: ok
Joshilyn : my ass has always been this sort of BANE OF MY EXISTENCE
Joshilyn : it is like kansas
Joshilyn : wide and flat and unending
genericmir: HA
Joshilyn : but ever since I added the SKATING — i seem to be GROWING AN ASS
genericmir: My ass used to be cute. Then came gravity.
Joshilyn : my ass has NEVER been cute
genericmir: Oh, well perhaps you are developing MUSCLE there.
genericmir: Which is AWESOME.
Joshilyn : YES!!!! I AM!
genericmir: So your ass is FIRM, which is very desirable.
genericmir: As opposed to MY ass, which is largely composed of jello someone left out on the counter.
Joshilyn : I have AN ASS NOW — which, okay, I am not saying sir mix a lot is going to compose an ODE TO IT or anything. I am just sort of singing like that TEAPOT in beauty and the beast
genericmir: LOL
Joshilyn : there’s something there that wasn’t there before
Joshilyn : la la la
genericmir: ROFL
Joshilyn : IN FACT — if you had NOT seen a BEFORE PICTURE of my ass….well you would probably never notice. but to ME it is SIGNIFICANT
Joshilyn : okay enough butt talk — as I say to my son 90 times a day
genericmir: Ode to an Ass.
Joshilyn : lol
genericmir: hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Joshilyn : oops I forgot the federal injection that forbids me to write poetry
genericmir: injunction?
genericmir: LOL
Joshilyn : I need coffee and therapy
genericmir: HA
Joshilyn : this is me PROCR-ASS-TINATING
genericmir: Okay, I am totally blogging you, now.
Joshilyn : rimshot!
genericmir: That was too good not to share.
Joshilyn : OH lord I will give you ten dollars to NOT blog my ass HAHAHAHHAHAHA
genericmir: Hmmm… tempting… but… NO.

*Author Joshilyn Jackson was not harmed in the making of this blog entry, although it’s possible that I pulled something from laughing too hard. And if you are not reading her blog “Faster Than Kudzu” you are a BIG ASSED LOSER.


  1. Coleen

    Sister, we used to talk about Pooper Sex ALL THE TIME in JLB and Redheads+1 chats. This is the state of the Internet, clearly: it’s all about the butt.

  2. dad

    OK. I followed your link and am no longer a big assed loser. However, my sides hurt from laughing too hard. I highly reccomend against attempting to read both these blogs in the same sitting.

    Have mercy.

  3. Lois Lane

    It’s so refreshing when someone doesn’t mind being the butt of a joke ;)
    Funny stuff! I was searching through the BoB nominees for some fun reading and “found” you. (incase you are wondering, who the hell is this Lois Lane person)
    Happy holidays to you and yours! Thanks for the laughs.
    Lois Lane

  4. Peek

    I find it amazing that you actually thought you could learn to write better from someone else. I say that just isn’t possible.

  5. The Zero Boss

    “I find it amazing that you actually thought you could learn to write better from someone else. I say that just isn’t possible.”

    Um…why not? You mean you can’t learn to be a better writer by reading the work of others, and analyzing what works and what doesn’t and why? Frankly, I find THAT amazing. What do you think people do in college composition classes – make paper airplanes and chat about their asses?

  6. The Zero Boss

    OOOHHHH, I get it! You were praising Mir’s writing, and I was…well, acting like an assmunch. Apologies. :0

  7. joshilyn

    hahahahahaha — my husband is out the backyard putting up an electric SCOREBOARD for me. Thus far it reads:

    Mir: 1
    Personal Dignity: 0

    It’s a LIAR, that scoreboard. My personal dignity was in negative numbers LONG before you BLOGGED MY ASS. But still.

    Okay my friend, all i can say to you at THIS point it…’WARE THE RETRIBUTION.

    It will not be swift, but it WILL come. It will be secretive and silent and patient like a spider, that retribution, but it WILL come. *evil cackles*

  8. Mike

    And after THAT comment by she-who-now-has-ASS, I’m CERTAINLY bookmarking Faster than Kudzu. This could prove entertaining. LOL

    All that was missing was the “revenge is a dish best served COLD” line. ;)

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