There are certain things every woman wants out of friendship with her girlfriends. She wants a ready shoulder when she needs to cry. She wants a comrade-in-chocolate when desperate times call for desperate measures. She wants a “OH NO THEY DIDN’T” when righteous indignation is needed. She wants a buddy who both agrees that her children are the cutest ever and that she deserves several medals for not beating them senseless.
Now, when I started blogging, and found myself actually meeting and befriending women whom I considered to be worthy writers, I looked forward to the riches of information I would be gleaning either through osmosis or actual conversation. These women would teach me how to improve my own writing, I knew. They would show me how to make a go of it in this business, and the secrets to producing publishable work. I would be a member of a coveted society where craft was KING and the members held the keys to the secret chambers of heavenly treasure!
Or, you know, we would just have entire conversations about our BUTTS. Either way.*
Joshilyn : I better go work out — i TOTALLY overslept
genericmir: us too
genericmir: Though I am not fettered by a desire to work out, thankfully.
Joshilyn : hehehe I prefer to think of it as obsessive-compulsive drive, thanks.
genericmir: Oh, right.
genericmir: I’ll seeya later
Joshilyn : OKAY dernit, off to be virtuous and THINNER
Joshilyn : LOL
genericmir: I’m waving my FAT ASS in your direction!
Joshilyn : WAIT can I tell you something?
Joshilyn : ABOUT MY ASS
genericmir: LOL ohboy
Joshilyn : I AM GROWING ONE
genericmir: uh huh
Joshilyn : my ass has always been this sort of BANE OF MY EXISTENCE
Joshilyn : it is like kansas
Joshilyn : wide and flat and unending
Joshilyn : but ever since I added the SKATING — i seem to be GROWING AN ASS
genericmir: My ass used to be cute. Then came gravity.
Joshilyn : my ass has NEVER been cute
genericmir: Oh, well perhaps you are developing MUSCLE there.
genericmir: Which is AWESOME.
Joshilyn : YES!!!! I AM!
genericmir: So your ass is FIRM, which is very desirable.
genericmir: As opposed to MY ass, which is largely composed of jello someone left out on the counter.
Joshilyn : I have AN ASS NOW — which, okay, I am not saying sir mix a lot is going to compose an ODE TO IT or anything. I am just sort of singing like that TEAPOT in beauty and the beast
Joshilyn : there’s something there that wasn’t there before
Joshilyn : la la la
Joshilyn : IN FACT — if you had NOT seen a BEFORE PICTURE of my ass….well you would probably never notice. but to ME it is SIGNIFICANT
Joshilyn : okay enough butt talk — as I say to my son 90 times a day
genericmir: Ode to an Ass.
Joshilyn : lol
Joshilyn : OH FEVENT ASS THAT RECENTLY SO FLATLY LIKE THE GREAT PLAINS
Joshilyn : OH ASS! HOME TO MANY BUFFALO
Joshilyn : oops I forgot the federal injection that forbids me to write poetry
Joshilyn : INJUNCTION
Joshilyn : I need coffee and therapy
Joshilyn : this is me PROCR-ASS-TINATING
genericmir: Okay, I am totally blogging you, now.
Joshilyn : rimshot!
genericmir: That was too good not to share.
Joshilyn : OH lord I will give you ten dollars to NOT blog my ass HAHAHAHHAHAHA
genericmir: Hmmm… tempting… but… NO.
*Author Joshilyn Jackson was not harmed in the making of this blog entry, although it’s possible that I pulled something from laughing too hard. And if you are not reading her blog “Faster Than Kudzu” you are a BIG ASSED LOSER.