I spent the day at home, trying to entertain an exhausted and still-coughing boychild. I thought the evening would be an improvement.
That was before I found myself in the bathroom scrubbing vomit from the grout, having this tender exchange with my other child:
Me: DO NOT remove your HEAD from that BUCKET. Honey.
Her: *pitiful response from inside the bucket* Mama, are you puking, too?
Me: No, honey, just gagging.
Her: *HEAVE* How come?
Me: Because… ummm… *gag* I’m an unfit mother.
Hey Dad… I’m SO SORRY about all those times you had to clean up my puke. This was a genius way to achieve payback. Let me just figure out the proper contagion incubation math… carry the one… oh yeah, that should be my head in the bucket on Christmas. Thanks!