All ye rejoice and be exceedingly glad… for there is much to be thankful for this holiday weekend!
The laundry may struggle valiantly, but in truth I am caught up. For once.
Yesterday’s molasses cookies are today’s pumpkin cheesecake crust.
Therefore, verily, I shall be revered tomorrow at the great feast. Such reverence shall resonate throughout the land and strike the calories from the dessert.
Yea, though the small ones descended upon the Dunkin Donuts Munchkins like locusts, this morning’s playdate was perfection and joy.
Rather than lamenting the absence of children on the holiday, thusly shall I celebrate the freedom to imbibe with relish as the sins of the small people shall not be upon my soul.
Behold how the misguided plot and plan to venture forth into the chaotic land known as Black Friday; but the wise shall be at home wrapping presents previously gathered.
Remember this and keep it dear to your hearts: the gorging of the stomach and celebration of the tastebuds shall be followed by the sporting of muscular men in tight pants, and it shall be very good.