In which I prosper (and profit!) through denial

By Mir
September 27, 2004

I could tell you about all of the things I should’ve done today, but since the denial thing is working out so well for me right now, I can’t. What responsibilities? What job hunt? What paralyzing panic?? Tra la la! Oh happy day, happy day, let me tell you all about my happy day. I’m sure I can return us all to my regularly scheduled angst tomorrow. But! Today!

Today I received an early morning invitation to go shopping. Oh, dear. My little cartoon devil hopped onto my left shoulder while the cartoon angel perched on the right. As I held the phone to my ear and considered my response, they battled it out.

Devil: Shopping! Yay!
Angel: Money is tight right now. Do we really need to go shopping?
Devil: Shopping! Love! Shopping! Fun!
Angel: Do you hear me? We can’t afford it right now.
Devil: Shopping! We’re going shopping! Yay!
Angel: Jesus loves you. But you have the IQ of a sea sponge.
Devil: Shopping!! Buy! Stuff! At… Target? On clearance!
Angel: Let’s go.

So I accepted, and my friend came over to pick me up. While I was waiting I did a quick inventory of what I needed. Well, it did appear that both kids could use some socks. And Monkey was low on undershirts. There. I could shop for things we truly needed–and not very expensive things, at that–and help my friend shop (she had a much longer list) and have a nice day. My friend arrived with a bagful of undershirts her son had outgrown.

Devil: Ack! One less thing to buy? Damnit!
Angel: Wasn’t that sweet of her to bring those? So thoughtful. Think of all the money we can save, now.
Devil: More money to spend on other stuff! Shopping! Yay!

We stopped for coffee, which she purchased. (The only thing better than really good coffee is really good free coffee.) At the first store, I bought a 6-pack of socks for Monkey and some underwear for me. My total: $7. I also acted as fashion critic and bargain hunter for my friend, who ended up with two stuffed bags to my petty purchases.

Second stop: Target. I don’t know how long we were there. We just kept going until the cart was overflowing. Heh. Time tends to stand still in Target, you know. I shared all of my standard how-to-find-the-deals wisdom and once again managed to make sure my friend was making multiple purchases while I bought… more socks (this time for Chickadee). I also found a 16″ oscillating fan for $3.74. So my total at Target was a mere $8 while my friend’s bill ran to three figures (but look at all you saved, I crowed).

After that was the children’s consignment store, where I didn’t find anything I needed. Then it was off to return some of my friend’s previous purchases at yet a third store (because she had foolishly shopped without me and I had since found her more, cooler stuff for less money). Declaring the day’s adventures successful, we headed back to my place.

While stashing some of her children’s Christmas presents in my basement, we negotiated the sale of some of my stash. Get your mind out of the gutter. I agreed to sell my friend a few of my previous finds. She ended up with more toys to check off her list and I ended up with a nice crisp $20 bill. Then she left, inviting me to bring the kids over to swim after school.

It was now nearly time for the bus, and I had accomplished… ummm… nothing. Did I want to take the kids on a playdate after school? Were there other things I should be doing?

Devil: It’s sunny! And hot! And Summer is over and this is probably our last chance to go swimming!
Angel: Don’t we have laundry to do? And cleaning? And maybe a job to look for?
Devil: Laundry? Look at all those new socks! No need to launder! And have you noticed how everything just gets dirty again when we clean?
Angel: Haven’t we spent enough time playing today already?
Devil: Isn’t today already a wash no matter what we do now? Goooooo swiiiiiiimmmmmmmmmmiiiiiing!

So we went swimming. And stayed for dinner, which I did not have to cook. Both children ate like there was no tomorrow. And Monkey ate broccoli! Which was proof positive that I made the right choice. Or that I have entered into some sort of pact with Satan himself. But I do not care. Because tra la la and whatnot.

Somehow I managed to extract the children from their play, get them home, administer showers, do the bedtime stuff, read a chapter in our book, and get them into bed clean and happy and exhausted, only five minutes past bedtime. Without a single meltdown.

Let’s recap: I spent the entire day shopping; got to spend time with a friend whom I haven’t seen in quite a while; purchased a few necessary items; helped out my friend and reduced my ridiculous toy inventory; had a lovely evening of exercise and fun; made it to bedtime with nary a tear or crisis. And ended the day $5 richer.

If this is being bad? I don’t wanna be good.

Devil: What’re we doing tomorrow?
Angel: Oh shut UP.


Things I Might Once Have Said


Quick Retail Therapy

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