I’ll send you a postcard fom hell

By Mir
September 24, 2004

So, um, where was everybody last night? I cannot believe that my jovial party invitation didn’t yield more takers. Go figure.

As always, my true love Kira was on hand. This is why she is my true love. And while I was happy to wallow, I find that hard to do when Kira is around. She brings out the best in me. If by the best, you mean the penchant for heartlessly having fun at someone else’s expense, of course.

[We have some conversation about my daughter, and my frustration therein.]
genericmir: And I wish the ex would DIE.
genericmir: I’m going to hell.
kiwords: LOL
genericmir: LOL
genericmir: You should SEE his profile on Match.
genericmir: He sounds like Prince Charming.
kiwords: I was telling someone today, I don’t want to HURT my ex, I just wish he’d DIE. See?
genericmir: I totally get that.
[Then, a bit of discussion about the recent excitement in Kira’s world.]
genericmir: I was seriously tempted to post the ex’s entire personal ad.
genericmir: But I stopped myself.
kiwords: OH, you know we’re DYING to see it!
genericmir: He sounds like a FINE catch, lemme tell ya.
genericmir: I have never heard so much bragging and embellishment in my entire life.
kiwords: I BET! If only you could insert in his bio “PS I am a big huge LIAR.”
[multiple snarky comments from me unsuitable for a family blog deleted]
kiwords: Oh dear. His bio interspersed with your clarification…ROFL
genericmir: LOL
genericmir: Wouldn’t THAT be a treat.
genericmir: heehee
kiwords: Except posting his ad would up the chances of him finding your site.
genericmir: exactly
genericmir: So you wanna see what he wrote? Cuz I am DYING to share it with someone.
genericmir: heehee
kiwords: OH I DO I DO!
[Text of ad deleted, but Kira’s comments while I share it with her are priceless. Imagine these interspersed into the cutting and pasting of a looooong text.]
kiwords: Ok, I would hate him.
genericmir: heh
kiwords: It seems like he might HURT himself, what with the way he READS and IS INCREDIBLY ACTIVE, all at the same time.
kiwords: Wow.
kiwords: Oh the RESTRAINT!
kiwords: ROFL
kiwords: I cannot BELIEVE you were able to NOT POST THIS!
kiwords: Ick! Ick Ick Ick!
genericmir: Get this: Appearance best feature: Calves
genericmir: CALVES!
genericmir: I love a man with some juicy CALVES!
kiwords: Ok, I just spit on my monitor. ARE YOU HAPPY?
genericmir: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!
genericmir: VERY!
genericmir: THis is cheering me up IMMENSELY.
kiwords: I saw this GUY the other day? And WOW, he had HOT CALVES! I was ALL WET over his CALVES!
genericmir: LOLOL
kiwords: I got the BEST CALVES OF 2004 CALENDAR the other day! WHOOOEEE!
genericmir: Oh… baby… yeah… that’s it… oh my gooooooood… your CALVES… are soooo… CALVISH!
kiwords: I just loooooove the way they…um…curve…right there from the BACK of your knee to…um your ANKLE! FLEX, BABY!
genericmir: I can’t believe I’m touching your CALVES… I can hardly breathe… is it good for yooooouuuuuu???
kiwords: And there’s this PATCH here? Where the HAIR IS RUBBED OFF! WOW, How….BRISTLY!
kiwords: ps we are going to hell.
genericmir: I notice your calves lead down to your freakishly tiny feet… oh wait, NO I DON’T… because I AM MESMERIZED BY YOUR CALVES!
kiwords: Where we shall laugh and still have better company than we did when married.
genericmir: Sounds good.
[Still later, after we compose ourselves, and make fun of his picture.]
kiwords: That entry would turn me right off. I mean, he probably doesn’t realize this, but it screams “CONTROLLING, COLD, EGO MANIAC”

Have I mentioned that I heart Kira so very, very much?


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