The Shoes

By Mir
July 27, 2004

(Or, It’s Really Hard To Take A Flattering Picture Of Your Own Leg.)

You asked, and you shall receive. Because I am all about the giving, and the love, and most importantly, publishing multiple pictures of my feet on the internet.

Well, here it is. I do believe even Martha would be proud of me. These are shoes that no sane person would buy. These shoes were originally $46–which is probably a deal for Nine West–and they are constructed of approximately $.65 worth of raw materials. $.35 of that? Is just for the sequins along the straps. Which I was unable to capture well in the picture. Because I was far too busy wondering why my leg ended up looking like it belonged to a large woman named Helga. But taking a picture of your own leg, when you are, you know, attached to it, and trying to turn it at such an angle that the beauty of your frivolous shoes can be properly beheld, it’s hard. I considered letting Chickadee snap my picture, and then I had one of those flash-forward moments to her sitting down to dinner with her dad and saying, “This morning Mama let me use the camera! She had me take a picture of her in her pajamas with some really spiky heels on! And then she put it on the computer and sent it to everyone!” And really, that just seemed like a can of worms not worth opening.

So you are just going to have to trust me when I say that not only do I not have Helga legs, in these shoes, my legs go from average to yowza in the time it takes me to buckle them. (When I’m not contorting my ankles to photograph my shoe on my foot, of course.) It’s really a pity that these shoes are going to live on the closet shelf. On the other hand, I’ve never had a broken leg and am not really eager to have one, so maybe it’s a good thing….


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