After my earlier post, I realized that I was in dire need of some rest and rejuvenation. Okay, if you want the truth; I sat down on the couch and while “helping” Monkey with a jigsaw puzzle (a complicated task, considering he shrieked at me any time I dared to touch one of the pieces, yet any time I pulled back he would again exhort me to help), I fell asleep. For about a millisecond. And it is not fun to wake up to “You have to stop resting because we need to find Spiderman’s eye!!”
So I hatched a brilliant plan. First, I fed the children a snack. Next, I allowed them to pick a movie to watch. Then, I explained that I needed to either lie down for a while or sell them into slavery, therefore it would behoove them to watch their movie and let me rest. My bedroom is directly above the family room and sports a one foot square vent in the floor (designed to allow heat from the family room woodstove to rise to the bedroom; not that I’ve ever used the woodstove because I figure it would just be simpler to take the small ones directly to the burn unit and skip the rigamarole). I pointed out that I could hear them through the vent, they should call me if they needed anything, but they should not need anything, please. Chickadee was kind enough to chime in, “We know, we know, not unless we’re on fire or bleeding.” I guess she does listen, sometimes.
Thus it was that I retreated to my bed and was able to relax for about an hour. Fine; I fell immediately into the deep slumber of the dead and the children ate the contents of my medicine cabinet just before burning the house down and wandering the neighborhood in their underwear. I jest! That would never happen! And if it did I certainly wouldn’t tell anyone! Okay, kidding aside, they came upstairs when the movie ended, and we had a lovely and not at all dysfunctional time hanging out on my bed. It all started when Chickadee picked up Snuffles.
Chickadee: Mama, where did you get this?
Me: Snuffles? I already told you, Wendy got him for me when I was in the hospital.
(This is true. My friend Wendy not only babysat me my entire surgery day, she bought me Snuffles to keep me company!)
Chickadee: Yeah, but what does he do?
Chickadee: Yeah, do! Like does he play music or something?
Me: No, he doesn’t play music, Silly.
Me: He talks, though.
Chickadee: Oh. WHAT?
Monkey: He TALKS?
Me: Of course he talks. Wendy got him so he could take care of me. He has to talk.
Monkey looked skeptical. Chickadee had that waiting-for-the-punchline look. So of course I did what any of you would’ve done in that situation; I invented a little voice and started bobbing Snuffles back and forth the way that one does when illustrating that a stuffed animal is talking.
Snuffles: Of course I can talk! I had a lot of stuff to tell Mama at the hospital!
Monkey: *laughs so hard he falls over*
Chickadee: *small giggle* Like what?
Snuffles: Oh, I had to remind her to hold something over her tummy when she sneezed or coughed–
Chickadee: How come?
Snuffles: Cuz if you don’t, after they cut your tummy, your insides fall out!
Snuffles: Sure! And also, I would remind her to take her medicine and stuff. When the nurses were busy.
Me: Yeah, Snuffles took care of me after I came home, too. He’s a very smart bear. Do you know what bears like to do?
Monkey and Chickadee: What?
Snuffles: Yeah! I loves me some sleeping. Sleep, sleep, sleep! Let’s all go to sleep! *Snuffles flops over on his back and starts to snore*
Monkey and Chickadee: *much giggling*
Me: Oh, yeah. Snuffles loves to sleep. Know what used to happen after I came home from the hospital, before you came back from Grammie’s?
Monkey and Chickadee: What??
Me: Oh, I would wake up and say “Gee, I think I’m hungry. I think I should go downstairs and get something to eat.” And then Snuffles would say…
Snuffles: No! No downstairs! No need to eat! Just sleep! Sleep sleep sleep! *Snuffles flops over on his back and starts to snore*
Chickadee: Mama! He must do something besides sleep. Sometimes. Doesn’t he?
Me: Well… not really. Although he did wake up when you two came back from your trip. Know what he said?
Monkey and Chickadee: No! What??
Snuffles: Who are those little creatures???
Me: Now Snuffles, you know I explained this, those are my kids, my son and daughter, and we love them very much–
Snuffles: No! No we don’t! They are LOUD and they don’t SLEEP and also? They smell funny! Really!
Monkey and Chickadee: *laugh and laugh, and smell each other and laugh some more*
Snuffles: Let’s run them over with the car!
Me: Um, wait, what??
Snuffles: I don’t like them, let’s run them over! SQUISH! Flat! Flat is good for sleeping. Get your keys!
Monkey: *laughs so hard he falls off the bed*
Snuffles: Oh look! One down! Excellent! Now, how can we silence the little girl?
Chickadee: *grabbing Snuffles and stuffing him under a pillow* Mama, I think Snuffles is a little crazy.
Me: Yeah, I think you may be right. Uhhhh, let’s let him sleep and go start some laundry.
Snuffles: Hey! Let me out of here! I’m not done!