“… all my life i’ve been searching for something, something never comes never leads to nothing…”

By Mir
July 9, 2004
Category Detritus

Really, I am only doing this post to cheer up Zoot and show her she’s not the only freak magnet out there. As we all know by now, there are plenty of freaks to go around! Also, between Friday Facts and Fiction and hitting the grocery store today, my energy is pretty well tapped out. (Yes, ladies and gentlemen–nearly 3 weeks post-op, and I still possess the energy level of your average door stop.)

So, behold! A smattering of searches that have led folks to my blog this month:

“diet drinks sodas unhealthy for kids June 2004”
Oooookay. Which is more puzzling? The fact that someone is searching the internet about something so obvious, or that there’s a date inserted as if perhaps it’s new news? Hmmmmm. What’s next? “guns kill people July 2004”?

“grow your teeth July 2004”
This had to be the same person, right? Please? If there’s more than one person like this out there, I’m afraid.

“magnesium citrate pleasing lemony flavor”
My theory is that this was this person’s second search. The first one was “magnesium citrate nauseatingly sweet yet bitter lemony barf flavor,” but it didn’t turn up any hits.

“groper site:blogspot.com”
I’m a little terrified that there were 176 matches for this search. I’m even more terrified that my site is on the second page of results. Eep.

“dental deep cleaning scam”
Oh yeah, a few days after relating my joyful dentist tale, seeing that on the list made me feel all warm and fuzzy.

“burnt bagels”
I’m number four! I’m number four! I’m number–huh? What’s that? Yeah, that is a weird thing to search on I guess. Do you suppose the searcher was mad when they discovered my entry had very little, if anything, to do with bagels (burnt or otherwise)?

“side effects of a sonohystogram”
Okay, it’s becoming obvious that there’s not a lot of information available on the internet about sonohystograms, because I average about 3 searches a week that include that infernal word. But this poor sap? May now believe that the side effects might include: total abdominal hysterectomy (with bilateral salping-oophorectomy; say it five times fast!), broken TVs, coconut bras, and gum disease. But if they think that, they deserve it.

… and my personal favorite…

It may be my favorite because I’m the first Google hit. Or it may be my favorite because pondering what this person was hoping to find makes me giggle. A lot.

I have to go now, cuz I just did a search on Google for “the” and it’s probably gonna take me all night to get through the results….


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