To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing to you today in reference to the deposits placed with your organization to hold summer camp slots for my children, Chickadee and Monkey IdiotboysLastNameWhichWeAreAllStuckWithNow. On March 6th, 2004, the children were registered as follows:
Chickadee: Weeks 3-6 for Camp By The Lake, and Weeks 7 and 8 at Tap/Ballet Camp Which Isn’t Nearly Expensive Enough Already So You Will Require Me To Purchase a $75 Recital Outfit. Pre- and post-care for all weeks.
Monkey: Weeks 7 and 8 for Camp For Kids Not Actually Old Enough For Camp But Conveniently Located Down The Hall From Tap/Ballet. Pre- and post-care for both weeks.
Total deposits placed with you for these registrations total $360 ($270 for Chickadee and $90 for Monkey).
At the time of registration, (which is by the way insanely early for most people to actually know what life is going to look like over the summer, but if you don’t register then there are no slots left and people laugh at you when you attempt to find a space for your kids later on) I anticipated being employed full-time this summer, hence the need for such extended childcare coverage. Since then I have realized there is no full-time employment which I can easily procure that will offset the cost of two children in full-time care (and don’t even get me started on the guilt of having considered this when I long ago committed to being a full- or at least mostly-stay-at-home-mom).
I have read your policy on refunds and although the double-speak and fine print did make my head swim just a bit, it does state that deposits can be refunded “at the discretion” of your organization in special circumstances. Barring that, it states that deposit money can be transferred amongst participants.
Well here’s my special circumstance: I don’t have a job, and child support might be just enough to scrape by on with no daycare, and so I have elected to stay home with my children this summer. However, as my ex is the one who placed the deposit money with you (on his credit card, and then was at my door less than an hour later demanding a check, but I couldn’t do the registration because that’s only for members of your elite organization and when said ex got a “family” membership which he could’ve easily added me to with no one the wiser and then I would’ve been able to take the kids swimming, he expressly pointed out that he was divorced from that horrible woman (me) and so no, he did not have a wife to add), I don’t even want a refund. Should you refund the money, it will go to the ex’s credit card and then I won’t see it for eons. Not because the ex would try to keep it for his own (he is anal to a frightening degree about what he perceives as monetary fairness) but because he is so absent-minded I wouldn’t be able to recoup it without nagging and arguing and I’m trying really hard not to do that stuff anymore because it’s more aggravating than being poor.
So, I am perfectly happy to settle this situation with a transfer of funds to my friend Heather, who is in fact gainfully employed and has also registered her kids in your camp program. Right now you have $360 of my money. Please withdraw my children’s registration from all programs except the Chickadee’s week 7-8 slot at dance camp (I have promised this to her for so long that I cannot take it away now without sealing my status as The Meanest Mama Ever). Please use $200 of my deposit money as the full payment for dance camp. Please transfer the remaining $160 to my friend Heather’s account, and I will work it out with her.
Failure to comply with my request will result in my going Hulk on you, so please don’t jerk me around for what is a tiny amount of money for you but an entire month’s groceries for me, mkay?
Thank you in advance for your cooperation in this matter.