Our mom lost her mind and all we got were these tomatoes

Consider this my white flag of surrender for this week. I am done. DONE. I give up.

There’s a stomach bug being circulated around band camp, because of course there is. Both kids have had it. One of them had it twice. (Overachiever!) I may have also had it, but it’s hard to tell because this weekend I threw out my neck (making a bed, because I’m all gangster like that) and in a moment of extreme pain and poor judgment decided I could take some of these leftover painkillers here, I’m sure it’ll be FINE. Hey, not fine! Turns out that Tylenol and Advil do exactly fuck-all for a frozen neck, but no matter how hard to hope and pray that someday stronger painkillers will not make me barf, it’s not meant to be for me and the good drugs. (On the bright side, I’ll never be an addict, I guess.) So I might’ve had the stomach thing. Maybe. Or maybe I just had stupidity.

Otto has been working a million hours this week (whoever said that college professors have the summers off was a DIRTY LIAR) and I’m trying to keep up at work while I can barely move AND I haven’t been grocery shopping AND I GUESS kids marching around in the heat need decent nourishment, you know. As the only thing not pitiful right now is the garden, it’s sort of like “Have a good day at camp, here’s your lunch of some Gatorade and a heel of bread with the last slice of cheese and a big container of cherry tomatoes!” Chickadee reported this morning that during lunch break yesterday her brother was all, “Hey! Open your mouth and close your eyes! I’m going to throw this tomato into your mouth!” What could possibly go wrong with pelting your bandmates with fresh tomatoes, amirite?

But don’t worry, even at my most pathetic, I am still the absolute worst. I’m still having RULES and EXPECTATIONS and generally just making life miserable for those who possess half my DNA. It’s all part of my plan to… turn them into decent humans. (I AM A MONSTER.) I wrote about it over at Alpha Mom, because the only thing worse than having expectations for my children is telling the world about it. (Hey, at least it comes with some pretty good tomatoes.)

10 Responses to “Our mom lost her mind and all we got were these tomatoes”

  1. 1
    Korinthia Klein July 31, 2014 at 8:07 am #

    The college professors having summers off lie reminds me of the Army Reserves lie I live with. One weekend a month HA!. More like this weekend, then that weekend, then three days here, and how about a random Tuesday? Drives me crazy.

    Sorry about your neck. Hope everything’s on an even keel soon.

  2. 2
    Rocky Mountain Woman July 31, 2014 at 9:02 am #

    My tomatoes haven’t started ripening yet and I’m sad, so very sad…

    • 2.1
      Mir July 31, 2014 at 9:05 am #

      This is why it’s good to live on the surface of the sun. Tomatoes galore! On the other hand, you are probably not melting right now. :)

  3. 3
    navhelowife July 31, 2014 at 10:02 am #

    I think my tomatoes are now drowning. And it’s band camp here too.

  4. 4
    Karen July 31, 2014 at 11:59 am #

    Here in Connecitcut.. not one red tomato yet!.. BUT.. I kinda like not living directly on the surface of the sun. Atleast you’ve got that awesome pool, consolation, right?

  5. 5
    Aska July 31, 2014 at 2:23 pm #

    Mir, I can tell from your writing that you’re really stressed. I hope your neck will get better, and that you’ll find some time to destress and relax over the weekend. You really need it!

    Chickie, Monkey, be nice to your ailing mother. :)

  6. 6
    Aimee July 31, 2014 at 5:18 pm #

    DUDE. That’s what you get for making a bed like this:

    http://www.nedmartin.org/v3/amused/_img/t-rex-making-bed.jpg

    Hope your neck and all the other parts of you feel better.

    • 6.1
      Jessica August 1, 2014 at 12:49 pm #

      My husband and I are stressed. I just showed him that picture, and he laughed, saying, “It does help!” So there you go. I am now going to imagine how frustrated a T-Rex is while she’s trying to make a bed, and I’m sure it’s much worse than my own frustration at that moment. ;)

  7. 7
    addy July 31, 2014 at 7:03 pm #

    Aimee Wins!

  8. 8
    Daisy August 1, 2014 at 4:39 pm #

    I’m way up in the North country (Wisconsin), so my tomatoes are just starting. The deluge of tomatoes will arrive in a few weeks.

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