Oh how I suffer

[A guess of what my 11-year-old daughter's journal would surely look like, if she had one.]

Friday, December 18th 2009
Dear Journal,

I let Mom come to school with me this morning to carry my stuff. There was a lot of stuff AND it was raining and I got wet and I hate that. She was pretty much okay except when Ms. Science told her I was missing part of my project. Then I’m pretty sure she would’ve gone into full lecture mode if we hadn’t run into the next teacher who needed cookies. Ugh!!

We didn’t do anything at school really. And tonight we’re eating dinner in front of the TV and watching Mythbusters, which is cool except I wish my brother wasn’t going to be there.

Chickie

* * * * *

Saturday, December 19th 2009
Dear Journal,

I slept soooooooo late today! IT WAS AWESOME! I hate getting up early.

Monkey and I played a bunch of Wii today and it was actually kind of fun until Monkey started freaking out and then Mom made us turn it off. He ruins everything. And whatever he doesn’t ruin, Mom ruins. So maybe I went upstairs and hassled him a little and then she sent me to my room because she’s TOTALLY UNFAIR. So now I’m in here thinking about how much I hate everyone.

It’s later now. We got take-out for dinner and rented a Shorts (which was HILARIOUS) so I guess I forgive Mom for being so mean. Also we got to stay up late so YAY! I love vacation!

Chickie

* * * * *

Sunday, December 20th 2009
Dear Journal,

I am going to kill Monkey. I am going to put my hands around his little neck and squeeze. He totally got me in trouble by making up some story about how I wouldn’t lend him my book. (I mean, yeah, I wouldn’t lend it to him BECAUSE IT’S MINE and maybe I was kind of obnoxious about it but did I mention that IT’S MINE?) He got so upset that maybe I called him a couple of names and then Otto came in and yelled really loud.

Otto never yells. I mean Otto NEVER yells. So then I yelled. And then Mom came up to see what was going on and then I got sent to my room.

So now I am going to have to kill Monkey, because this is ALL HIS FAULT.

Vacation sucks. I’m not allowed to say “sucks” until I’m 14 but this is my journal so SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS. I want to go back to school and hang out with my friends. But I’m stuck in my room.

Okay it’s bedtime now, and I got to come out of my room and talk to Mom, and she asked me why I’ve been being so rotten. And I told her it seems like Monkey is getting a lot of attention and it makes me feel kind of neglected. So we talked a while about how to fix that and she was kind of nice about it. But she did point out that being rotten is only going to get me sent to my room (and less attention) and I felt kind of stupid that I hadn’t thought of that, so I complained about Otto yelling at me. He and I talked, too. It’s okay now.

We watched Akeelah and the Bee tonight and Monkey and I clapped when she won. It was a super good movie. Plus we got to have giant bowls of popcorn!!!

I love vacation! And I guess my family isn’t so bad.

Chickie

* * * * *

Monday, December 21th 2009
Dear Journal,

What. The. Hell. Okay, I’m not allowed to say “hell” at all, probably not even when I’m 14, but HELL HELL HELL HELL. Also: DAMMIT. Yes, DAMMIT.

Mom was so nice yesterday night and then she took me to the orthodontist this morning and they held my mouth open for like SIX YEARS and put braces all over my teeth. My teeth were FINE. They were! And now I have these stupid braces and I hate them and they hurt.

And Mom said I’ll get used to them but she clearly hates me and did this to punish me.

When is vacation gonna be over??? I want to go back to school so I can tell my friends how awful my life is.

Chickie

P.S. Mom said she’ll make me some pudding. Butterscotch, even. I guess it could be worse.

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33 Responses to “Oh how I suffer”

  1. 1
    Jean December 21, 2009 at 1:16 pm #

    funniest thing ever…tween years are hard!

  2. 2
    Sharkey December 21, 2009 at 1:18 pm #

    Love this! I wonder what Chickie would think if she read it?

  3. 3
    frank December 21, 2009 at 1:33 pm #

    LOL!!! Can’t wait for the sequel and subsequent additional volumes. the Tween to Teen saga should be extra juicy.

    I swear you could publish in paperback and make a truckload.

  4. 4
    Brenda December 21, 2009 at 1:34 pm #

    Wait, this is an eleven year old? Cuz I am pretty sure that’s how my days go too and I am 38!

  5. 5
    Olive Cooper December 21, 2009 at 1:37 pm #

    My daughter who is now eighteen sometimes has moments of great maturity. So hang on it does work out.

  6. 6
    Rita December 21, 2009 at 1:40 pm #

    I swear your Chickie and my first born are twins (minus the braces thing). The same angsty, life is horrible, my sibling is out to get me 11 year old twins. I really think I’m going to have mine read this.

  7. 7
    Jess December 21, 2009 at 1:43 pm #

    Oh, man. If my daughter is the way she is at seven, I will be hiding under my couch in another four years. ;)

  8. 8
    Megan December 21, 2009 at 1:44 pm #

    Mir – tunnel:light? It happens. My angsty, emotional, tense, difficult DARLING of a daughter suddenly popped through the other end, and she’s only 18 (don’t do the mental math, don’t do the mental math, don’t do the mental math…). The nice bit is that she’s bright enough to recognize and appreciate how much better things are now – and nice enough to admit as much to her Mum.

    Also – my daughter’s journal would have included a) a lot more depressing poetry and b) long discussions on How No One Understands Me.

  9. 9
    Cristin December 21, 2009 at 1:44 pm #

    Oooooooohhhh! Hang in there, dearest Mir. My 15 yr old daughter is now occasionally FUN to hang out with again! And she has apparently decided that it is good to tell me EVERYTHING about school, her friends, her crushes, etc. That can be a little tiring, but better than the alternative. The feral wolverine stage appears to be over for her (knock wood) but I am just starting the whole thing again with my now ten-year-old drama queen.
    Whistling past the graveyard? Who, me?

  10. 10
    Randi December 21, 2009 at 1:47 pm #

    Aww! Poor baby!! But at least you can see her point of view, which is something lots of parents can’t do. BTW, I saw the picture of her teeth that you put up on Twitter – they didn’t look bad at all! (sorry, am I on her team on this one?)

  11. 11
    annette December 21, 2009 at 1:55 pm #

    Fess up. You really did just look in her journal and copied it, right?

  12. 12
    Jamie December 21, 2009 at 2:50 pm #

    Love it!

  13. 13
    Lynette December 21, 2009 at 2:59 pm #

    Hilarious!

  14. 14
    RuthWells December 21, 2009 at 3:24 pm #

    Poor baby girl!

  15. 15
    Tracy December 21, 2009 at 3:46 pm #

    Boy, when it rains it pours for poor Chickie. I hope she appreciates this when she’s older and even laughs at her own behavior. Let’s face it, we’ve all been there and acted just like her. As adults, we laugh because we all know it’s true. Still, it’s pretty hilarious!!!

  16. 16
    Heather December 21, 2009 at 4:21 pm #

    Heh ohhh Mir. You peeked, I just know it! Too funny.

  17. 17
    JennyM December 21, 2009 at 4:40 pm #

    Oh, poor Chickie with the braces and the emotions and the totally unfair family. That sucks all the way to hell.

    Here’s to a brief and relatively uneventful rest of a holiday that’s filled with ice cream and snuggly death-breathed puppies for all…

  18. 18
    Michelle December 21, 2009 at 4:53 pm #

    I JUST last night found my actual journal from when I was 13. It’s pretty much what you wrote, minus the little brother, but plus lots of moaning about how much prettier my friends are than I am, and how no boy will ever ever ever like me ever because I’m hideous. I kept it, just to remind myself what those years are like in case I ever have a tween girl.

    And, uh, I think I turned out okay. So don’t worry. :)

  19. 19
    Janet December 21, 2009 at 4:53 pm #

    My daughter turned 14 last week and cried when I gave her a beautiful initial ring we had made (way more than I should have spent since I was recently laid off) because it was a tiny bit tight…I quickly took the ring and put it in my purse only to hear I over reacted and caused her to have a terrible birthday! Oh well, five minutes later she was happy again…

  20. 20
    Tammy December 21, 2009 at 5:10 pm #

    O.M.G. You so need to start a new blog Mir. Chickie: Why having a Mommy-Blogger for a mother is NOT cool.

  21. 21
    Karen Bannan December 21, 2009 at 5:12 pm #

    Wait until she doesn’t want you to come to school. Because you are too embarrassing. (I remember how I hated having my mom at school.) Or when she refuses to play with Monkey at all. My little girls are 18-months and six. I am dreading their teenage years…

  22. 22
    Heather @ critterchronicles December 21, 2009 at 7:06 pm #

    Aww… I remember being that age. Please tell Chickadee that I had my braces put on my teeth three days before Christmas, too, and then the day after I had six teeth pulled. That was NOT my favorite holiday season. But pudding and soft soups will help it a bit. (I’ve got a great recipe for vegetarian sweet potato and pear soup that she’d probably love.)

  23. 23
    mamabird December 21, 2009 at 7:13 pm #

    When I had braces, I hated going in for wire changes because they hurt. Then I got smart and would take 2 X-Strength Tylenol on my way into the office and they didn’t hurt anymore!

  24. 24
    Donna December 21, 2009 at 7:47 pm #

    Ok, now I have to reply! Tell her what I (apparently) told my kids when they got their braces- “We are spending a lot of money for these so if you’re not with me on this and I hear any complaining I will personally drive you back to the office to have them removed and you can pay for them yourself when you are older!” (I don’t remember saying this but my son used this line on me when I sent him a pic of me with MY new braces on!) I’m 50 and yes, just got braces for the first time. I wish I had had the opportunity when I was younger to have had all these years to enjoy straight teeth and no jaw problems!

  25. 25
    My Kids Mom December 21, 2009 at 8:01 pm #

    oh no– she’d never admit, even to herself, that she did something that was “kind of obnoxious”. It doesn’t look or feel that way from her side.

  26. 26
    Debra December 21, 2009 at 8:08 pm #

    The hormone swings leading to full puberty are simply HELL HELL HELL. May God bless you in this journey.

  27. 27
    Julie December 21, 2009 at 9:10 pm #

    And the mirrored lives continue…we got the braces last Thursday, and I have been making smoothies ever since. These 2 kids have GOT to meet!

  28. 28
    Nolle December 21, 2009 at 9:52 pm #

    Haha … wait, how many days til school starts again?

  29. 29
    Karen December 22, 2009 at 7:33 am #

    You’ve only just begun, Mir. My chick is now 20… and I can say it gets better. But it also gets worse before it gets better… umm .. yeah, stack up on shiney things to help you through :-)

  30. 30
    Pepper December 22, 2009 at 9:12 am #

    Tell Chickie that the braces do get better, and only hurt for the first couple days after they are adjusted monthly, or when you bite yourself and the canker sore never really heals, but other than that Braces do get better (I had mine until 2 weeks before I graduated and was 11 when i got them); oh yeah and tell her to stay away from any flying fists because a cheek stuck in braces is not pleasent at all.

  31. 31
    Denise December 22, 2009 at 9:36 am #

    sucks sucks sucks sucks dammit dammit dammit dammit. Awesome. I love Chickadee. She should totally fake journal more often.

  32. 32
    Nicki December 22, 2009 at 9:58 am #

    Way to channel your outer child. Beautiful. I can’t channel Rachel. She sounds just like me, which means that I guess she’s mastered being me. Poor kid. She has enough problems being saddled with me for a mom, I hesitate to do any more damage.

  33. 33
    Molly December 29, 2009 at 10:54 am #

    Ok, that totally cracked me up.

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