September 6, 2008 | Haven't been hit by lightning yet!, Offspring: ecstasy and agony
I was just going to come tell you that if you’re in Atlanta, you can stop by the Beehive Co-op between 4:00 and 7:00 today to see me, Rita, and Kristen. I don’t know what we’re doing, really. Signing copies of Sleep Is for the Weak. Making out with each other. Dancing on the tables. Whatever.
(Of course, this all assumes that I don’t get lost driving into Atlanta. Hahahaha! I am funny!)
Anyway, first we sat down for our regular Saturday morning pancakes, and Monkey finished up first and asked if he could “go out on the porch and get some fresh air.” We said sure, have a good time.
He went out and checked on the caterpillar we’d found on the parsley yesterday (still there) and sat in one of our deck chairs for a minute and then came to the bay window facing the kitchen table and waved to his sister.
Chickadee was eating a banana. When she saw her brother, she turned to him and opened WIDE to show him her mouthful of half-masticated banana.
Except, Otto and I didn’t see that part. We only saw Monkey dart across the porch and lean over the railing to pretend to vomit over the side.
Because we are a KLASSY family (with a K, y’all) we all found this hilarious, and as Monkey turned back to behold us through the glass, laughing at his antics, a special barf-themed comedy routine was born. He proceeded to “throw up” over the rail a couple more times. As the laughter waned he switched to pretending to vomit into his hands… and rubbing the results in his hair… and then puking into his stretched-out waistband… and on his feet… and through some creative gymnastics, into his armpits and later directly onto his butt.
Butts are hysterical. Vomit is hysterical. Put ‘em together and you have COMEDY GOLD!
When he started pantomiming spewing all over the window, I made him come inside. Because I am mean.
“Maybe a dog wouldn’t be so bad,” Otto mused, much to the children’s round-eyed delight. “I mean, instead of the kids,” he added. You have never seen two sadder little faces. (And they say that I’m the mean one….)
I settled for telling him that it was rather too late to turn exchange the children, because it seemed inappropriate to point out that dogs hardly ever PRETEND to vomit, plus they are prone to eating it. And that’s not nearly as funny.
See, now if you come to the Beehive, all you will be able to think of when you look at me is my son pretending to puke. You’re welcome!
September 6th, 2008 at 10:48 am
Aww what a lovely & humorous family! I am a firm believer of laughter in the family. We oughta be able to make each others happy and laugh because sometimes, life can throw you a punch and family is all you’ve got! Your family seems to know the beauty of comic - so many people don’t even know how or when to laugh. Sorry to say I can’t make it to Atlanta, but I hope all of you’re having a gorgeous weekend!!!
September 6th, 2008 at 11:24 am
Seeing as my daughter was *actually* puking last night, I’ll take pretend vomit any day. Hope you have a good time.
September 6th, 2008 at 11:47 am
I love what Otto says here — that is how I feel! Right now, sitting here pregnant, I look over at my chihuahuas sleeping peacefully on the couch and wonder if it’ll ever be this quiet again when baby gets here…
September 6th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
You’re my kind of people. I am descended from loons on both sides; word play fanatics on my mom’s and outlandish Monty Pythonish nutballs on my dad’s. I honestly don’t know how to deal with people who are deadly serious all the time.
What a dreary way to go through life that must be.
Have fun in Atlanta!
September 6th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
dancing on tables. doe that come close to dancing on top of a bar?
September 6th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
I’m sure if you and Kristen start making out, all talk of vomit will be forgotten. Have fun! Don’t eat the tuna!
September 6th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Kids. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em. They are quite entertaining at times.
September 6th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Hee! How cute!
September 6th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
Oh my bosh (yes, I know this is a typo. But I thought it was cute). Can Otto even BELIEVE what he’s gotten into?
September 6th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
It’s actually quite nice that dogs eat their own vomit. Children don’t. Cleaning up after a tiny spot on the carpet vs. a huge puddle? Hmm. Give me the dog, please. Boy vomiting from the top bunk and resultant spatter? Oh HEAVENS no. Been there. Done that. Not that I’d trade my children or anything. Never even crossed my mind. Ever. Really.
September 7th, 2008 at 8:01 am
Monkey’s probably just sad that HE didn’t think of pretending to eat his pretend vomit.
September 7th, 2008 at 8:51 am
Farts have always been the funny in my family. Pretending or otherwise.
September 8th, 2008 at 9:36 am
I am surprised you were able to muster up any laughter given the events of last weekend. You must have an iron stomach after all, Mir.
September 8th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Otto is my newest hero for that line. Now THAT is comedy gold, my friend.