This Love Thursday, I’d like to acknowledge that I married the sort of man who will tell someone “we just ordered my new computer and I’m dancing!” and then—when they say “I’d like to see that”—makes a video and posts it to the internet.
Truthfully, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Laughter is good for the soul, and Otto will be nourishing my soul with his utter dorkitude for a long, long time.
Happy Feet from woulda on Vimeo.
And while Otto is obviously my one true love, yesterday’s dance led to remembering another favorite LOVAH of mine.
You see, I’m the sort of person who charges everything. Yes! It’s true! I put absolutely everything on my Discover card, because I get cash back from them, plus I generally only ever have a dollar in my wallet, and every month I pay it off in full, so it works just fine for me.
This does not work so well for Discover, though, because obviously they make their money when people carry a balance. And I’ve never, ever done that. So what does Discover do? Discover keeps increasing my monthly spending limit. Discover is desperately hoping that one of these days I’ll spend more than I can afford, and then they can make some money off of me.
(Dear Discover: I love you but it’s not gonna happen. Find someone else’s credit to deflower, please. Love, Mir.)
Discover has been increasing my spending limit over the years, to where I am now free to spend $10,000/month with them. I know you are all pining to attain my glamorous lifestyle and this may come as a HUGE SHOCK, but I don’t MAKE that sort of money, nor would I spend it all on my credit card even if I did. But whatever; it makes Discover happy to offer me more credit, and occasionally it comes in handy.
Like, say, yesterday. Yesterday I went to place the school’s order for digital cameras, and of course it was impossible to coordinate with a check, so I said, “Okay, let’s just put it on my Discover card and I’ll have the PTA write the check to me.” That was fine, and I proceeded to charge nearly $800 worth of electronics to my card. No problem.
Then our accountant called with the numbers from our tax return, and after falling to the floor to kiss his feet (metaphorically, of course, as that’s difficult through the phone), I informed Otto that we were getting a refund and he could finally replace his computer. He was thrilled, and said “Let’s order it tonight!”
So last night we sat down to figure out what he needed, and we put it on my Discover card (Old Faithful, or perhaps Old Gimme Some Money Back). After Otto hit the final submit, I joked, “How long do you think it’ll take for Discover to call and ask me if my card was stolen?”
After all, I’d just charged in a single day more than I generally charge in four months.
It was late, and of course the phone didn’t ring.
Instead, they sent me an email. It basically said: ZOMG FRAUD ALERT FRAUD ALERT PLEASE CALL US RIGHT NOOOOWWWWWWW!
So I called them up and verified my info and said, “I was just telling my husband that you guys were going to think my card was stolen. It was me, I promise.”
The rep chuckled and said, “Well we certainly are happy to hear that, but I just want to verify the individual charges with you to be certain.”
So she asked me first about the order we’d just placed with Apple, and I confirmed that it was ours, and then about the camera order from the morning, which I also confirmed was ours, and then she got a very SUSPICIOUS-SOUNDING TONE in her voice and asked me, “Ma’am, I also need to confirm this other suspect charge from today—” and at this point I tried to remember if I’d bought anything else that day, and just as I was starting to laugh she finished: “—did you spend $20 at Hanes.com?”
Yes. Yesterday I bought ten digital camera kits, a new laptop, and a monitor; and INBETWEEN someone stole my card and bought twenty bucks worth of cheap cotton panties. THAT BASTARD!
I let the nice lady know that yes, occasionally I take a break from buying expensive electronics to replace some of my underwear, and she chuckled, and after we hung up I told Otto that Discover loves me SO MUCH, they are even worried about my undergarments.
So I guess I’m saying I love Discover, too. But I love Otto more. In fact, I love him SO much, I am letting the obvious joke paralleling Discover’s concern about my panties and Otto’s concern about my panties go without a single mention.
(Happy Love Thursday!)