There’s a reason it contains “ambulance”

Otto warned me quite a while ago that he occasionally walks in his sleep. I can’t even remember when he first mentioned it. I do know that it only happened once during our first stint dating (only once that I witnessed, anyway): I woke up one night to discover him pacing around the room, and when I asked him what he was doing, he stopped in his tracks. After careful consideration, he answered, “I have no idea.”

We went back to sleep.

I thought that was really weird, but that was only because I had no idea what was to come.

Fast forward several years. One night my beloved Otto and I are together, not too long after we’ve reunited, and it is late at night and I am asleep. Because I LIKE to sleep late at night. It’s sort of a hobby of mine. Do you know what I do NOT like, late at night?

I do not like being jolted awake by my very large boyfriend holding his arm across my body while staring at the bedroom door and hissing “DON’T! MOVE!” in my direction and generally acting terrified.

That one took a while to sort out. First I thought he thought someone was in the house (although how not moving was going to thwart an intruder was never clear; we could escape him with our… stillness?) and then I worried that there was some sort of CREATURE afoot, but as I whispered questions to Otto and listened to my heart pound in my ears, it became clear that he was, in fact, asleep.

And he was snoring again long before my blood pressure dropped into a normal range.

It was months after that before I woke up to find Otto banging around the bedroom insisting that it was time to go. Go where? Why, to the HELIPAD! Because they were coming soon! Who? What? Ten minutes of him becoming increasingly agitated with my refusal to grasp the gravity of the situation finally gave way to him declaring, “Um. I think I was asleep.”

Right.

So, I’m am old pro with this, now. I don’t know why it happens, but I know that it does. I am not so easily startled anymore.

Last night I went to bed with a bad headache. Otto offered to get me some Excedrin, and I told him I’d try to just sleep it off. I’d be fine if I could just fall asleep, I told him.

I fell asleep. Hooray!

I woke up a few hours later to discover my husband sitting up, flailing around on top of the covers, yammering about SNAKES.

“Go back to sleep,” I told him, half awake myself. “You’re imagining.”

“No, there’s something in the bed, I felt it.” He was still patting down the bedding, though slower.

“Otto. You are DREAMING. Shut up and go back to sleep. There is nothing in the bed.”

“It’s still here. THERE IS A SNAKE IN THE BED AND I AM NOT ASLEEP.”

I froze. How would a snake get into the house, and then into the BED? It seemed really unlikely. But what would make me feel dumber—falling for a fake snake or staying in bed with an actual snake because I had refused to listen?

“Otto?”

“Yes?”

“Are you serious? Are you awake and is there something in the bed?”

“Mir, I am awake. There’s a snake in the bed.”

There was a split second for decision.

Together, like the united souls we are, we both scrambled out of our respective sides of the bed without a word. I was now dancing around on my tiptoes, because refusing to put my entire foot on the floor would surely protect me from an actual snake. In the bed.

“Turn on the light!” barked Otto. I ran over and flipped the switch. Otto was still running his hands over the covers.

I started to have that sinking feeling.

“Otto? Honey? I think you’re asleep.”

“I am NOT ASLEEP! There’s a SNAKE!”

“There is NOT a—”

“HERE!” Otto had located a long ridge under the covers. He threw back the bedspread to reveal… a ridge in the mattress cover where it had bunched up a bit under the sheet.

I let my feet rest on the floor.

“Sorry,” Otto said, looking sheepish.

I turned off the light and got back into bed. Otto slid in beside me (after smoothing out the ridge under the sheet). “I’m sorry,” he repeated.

“I’m going to go get some Excedrin,” I grumped, and got up again.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, when I came back to bed.

“It’s okay,” I muttered, wishing there had been a snake. So that I could BEAT HIM OVER THE HEAD with it.

I don’t know if there’s anything we can do to stop these episodes, but I don’t think I can take too many more of them. Even though he’s really cute and everything. There’s only so much stress a person can take. Not to mention that someday something awful maybe really WILL happen in the middle of the night, and I’ll be all “Whatever, dude, you had best pony up a severed limb here in a minute or I am going to have to kill you myself.”

64 Responses to “There’s a reason it contains “ambulance””

  1. 1
    Barb Cooper September 8, 2007 at 10:28 pm #

    Um.

    I don’t even know what to say. I USED to sleep walk but the worst thing I ever did was wash my face. With water. It didn’t wake me up.

    What finally seemed to cure me, for whatever reason, is that I woke up in a pitch black hallway and I had no idea where I was. I couldn’t see anything, I had no idea what was happening. I was terrified.

    Until the sun came up.

    It flipped a switch or something. Maybe if Otto had honestly found a snake, it would have flipped his switch.

    Barb

  2. 2
    Anna September 8, 2007 at 10:31 pm #

    He’s lucky he’s too cute to kick out of bed! (Or so we’ve heard!) ;-)

  3. 3
    cheeky September 8, 2007 at 10:36 pm #

    I, too, talk in my sleep. I’ve never imagined there was a snake, but I have firmly insisted that I was NOT asleep. Husband loves to talk to me and get me riled up.

    Steph

  4. 4
    Cassandra September 8, 2007 at 10:40 pm #

    There is nothing but medication. My husband does the same thing and worse and we have looked into it extensively. He will be talking in his sleep and so frustrated that I don’t understand him, he will turn the light on and off in an effort to turn the alarm off. It drives me nuts! He is no help with the babies in the night because he cannot wake up enough to function. There are cases of people becoming violent in their sleep so be prepared for that. We have been living together for 7 years and this issue has slowly gotten worse over that time. If you come up with a solution please blog about it for my sake.
    Good luck!

  5. 5
    lizneust September 8, 2007 at 10:42 pm #

    Oh boy. Welcome to my husband’s world. And my sister-in-law’s. And my Mom’s. And possibly my other brother’s new girlfriend has dealt with this too…

    My family? We do this a LOT. Given that I am an offender, not the one having to convince the idiot at 4:00 am that the ceiling isn’t falling, the tv isn’t going to explode and no, the house isn’t on fire, I’m probably not going to be the source of the best advice, but here goes anyway.

    Shushing and “it’s only a dream/nightmare,” muttered over and over again DO work – be calm and just keep saying it until he begins to wake up a bit. Don’t turn the light on unless you absolutely have to, as you both will have a harder time getting back to sleep. Remember Occam’s razor – no matter how convinced he is, he’s still in the throes of nightmare time – so don’t let yourself get sucked in (my SIL could write a book about this, as my bro is a lawyer). You’re not going to stop him from having the dreams – it’s genetic wiring – but by talking to others in his family, you may learn some coping strategies. Hopefully you’ll learn some triggers too (drinking, high stress, over tired). Lastly, it’s good you guys sleep on the first floor – my Dad has thrown himself out of windows on at least 2 occasions.

    Good luck!

  6. 6
    Melisa September 8, 2007 at 10:53 pm #

    My husband has done this for years. He’s even gone outside on a few occasions. Funniest one was when he ripped open the closed end of a pillow case. He thought he was opening a bag of chips.

  7. 7
    Cele September 8, 2007 at 11:15 pm #

    Oh mi gosh. My brother use to walk in his sleep, out the door, down to the corner to mail a letter. But he grew out of it. Ducky talks in his sleep, usually around hunting time. He’s never been hunting in the 15 years we’ve been together, but he’s funny to talk to.

    Good luck.

  8. 8
    ChristieNY September 8, 2007 at 11:20 pm #

    “Funniest one was when he ripped open the closed end of a pillow case. He thought he was opening a bag of chips.”

    OMGosh I just snorted, Melisa!

    Oh Mir, I hope you got lots of sleep after that! Poor Otto, he must have felt awful. :(

  9. 9
    Chris September 8, 2007 at 11:28 pm #

    OK, sorry, still laughing. Don’t mean to, but can’t help it. All of you are funny. The pillowcase one was the best. A bag of chips, still laughing. ;)

  10. 10
    D September 8, 2007 at 11:50 pm #

    pillowcase*snort..bag of chi-haaahhhahaaaha! hoo, sorry, that one got me. My 11 yr old sleepwalks. It started with night terrors when he was a year old and got to sleepwalking when he was 4 – found him in the driveway at 11pm in his little tidy-whities. Now we have sensors on exterior doors, and chimes wrapped round his doorknob, and the dog sleeps in his room with him. We still wake up to him banging around his room sometimes – “buddy? you ok?” “get the chicken mom! wait, no, go to that thing first!” “um, buddy? time to go back to sleep ok?” “what? oh. ok mom. night!” but at least we don’t lose him. He did sleepaway camp for 2 weeks this summer and said he woke up 3 times in his cabin and had to wake a camper-friend to help him figure out where he was. It scares me. a lot. but the bag of chips thing just made me laugh so much!

  11. 11
    Patricia September 8, 2007 at 11:53 pm #

    Have we missed the possibilities of flashbacks? These episodes didn’t begin after college, did they? Or has he done this his whole life?

    I vote for a rubber snake in his Christmas stocking this year — but I’m sick that way.

  12. 12
    Eileen September 8, 2007 at 11:55 pm #

    I know it is funny after, like days after, but when it happens it can be really awful. Has he or would he talk to his doctor about it? I wonder if there is a medication he can take or something? I had a friend who actually left the house, totally asleep. Very unsettling for his girlfriend, left the door wide open and everything. She would hide the care keys. Anyway, hope this gets better for you (and your headache is better too!).

  13. 13
    McSwain September 8, 2007 at 11:59 pm #

    Count your blessings. I used to wake up with my very much asleep (and usually quite docile and gentle) ex-husband trying to strangle me, or with his fist raised about to punch me in the face. Scared me to death. Repressed rage, maybe?

  14. 14
    Henrietta September 9, 2007 at 12:07 am #

    Sleepwalking is one of the symptoms of sleep apnea.

  15. 15
    becky September 9, 2007 at 12:24 am #

    my husband doesn’t sleep walk, but he does talk in his sleep. in another language. we still haven’t figured out what language it is. it’s quite strange.

  16. 16
    Angela September 9, 2007 at 12:39 am #

    Oh I’m still ROFL and yeah…I sleep walk/talk. That fourth paragraph incident happened to us. I basically pounced on top of my husband forcing him not to move because we were under attack or there was a bomb or something. Yeah it was nuts. Thanks for sharing though – you made my night.

  17. 17
    Tree September 9, 2007 at 12:49 am #

    Bless.his.heart. Maybe get him a relaxation CD for him to listen to at bedtime. I think a lot of it is stress-induced. My son has had trouble staying asleep all night since birth. Now that he is almost 20, he listens to one of those CDs that we picked up during vacation a couple of years ago, and he has had a fair amount of success with it. It’s worth a try. Good luck, it is hereditary and you can’t cure it.

  18. 18
    Chana September 9, 2007 at 3:50 am #

    It’s a wild thing, but something you can adjust to. It takes me a moment or two when I’m waking up to another of my husband’s sleep/wake dreams, but now that it’s part of my repertoire, I can handle it. The worst episode was when he leapt out of bed, assumed a commando crouch on the floor, and prepared to meet the invading army. After I finally got my heart out of my throat, I was able to talk him back into bed. (He never remembers in the morning, so it’s a great way to harass him!) Sweet dreams Mir and Otto! You’re going through so many changes, never forget to be gentle with each other.

  19. 19
    Sheryl September 9, 2007 at 7:49 am #

    Sheesh, who knew so many of your readers were freaks ;)

    Also please go get a rubber snake and put it in the bed tonight, for payback. Okay, for entertaining me.

  20. 20
    Sara September 9, 2007 at 9:01 am #

    I have a good friend who actually *sleep drove*. This involved her finding her keys, walking down an outside staircase from a second story apartment, and negotiating a narrow driveway-in reverse-only to wake up two blocks later in the Kmart parking lot.
    I really have no advice, but you might want to hide the keys before you go to bed…

  21. 21
    Fran September 9, 2007 at 9:07 am #

    I drove my parents crazy for a couple of years when I was in high school walking and talking (singing)almost nightly. We chalked it up to hormones since I stopped before going to college. Ok I stopped walking – I still talk sometimes a mere 40 years later. Arguing with me about whether I was asleep or not was fruitless, in fact, it made me more determined. Usually my mother talked to me enough to get me awake and I’d realize on my own I was sleeping – I never liked to admit it though. Good Luck and I hope it passes soon. PS – snakes? I would have been out the door without touching the floor.

  22. 22
    Barb September 9, 2007 at 9:24 am #

    My 5 yr old son sleep talks, sleep walks, and when walking, often sleep pees in inappropriate places! Like – on a bookshelf, in a trash can, or beside my bed. Luckily this only happens a few times a year!

    My 3 yr old son contents himself with sleep talking, as do I.

  23. 23
    Mallory September 9, 2007 at 9:48 am #

    Once my grandma got out of bed, took her pajamas off, turned them inside out, put them back on and went back to bed. I was a little kid and thought it was odd, but hilarious. It seems to run in the family. My sister was a teen at a slumber party, and went into the hostess’ dresser, took out all the clothes, and put them back in different drawers. The girl was pretty pissed the next day, but Mary didn’t remember it at all, lol.

  24. 24
    Katrina Stonoff September 9, 2007 at 9:56 am #

    HOLEY MOLEY! What an experience!

    How come everything happens to you?

  25. 25
    LyndaL September 9, 2007 at 9:58 am #

    My husband doesn’t walk but he does talk. And he is very insistent, just like Otto. One of my favourite times he got really quite cross with me because I just wasn’t worried enough about what he was trying to warn me about. Which was – and I quote – “The hole in the floorboards isn’t big enough for the sweet and sour sauce!” There isn’t enough therapy in the world to work that one out.

  26. 26
    Randi September 9, 2007 at 10:00 am #

    My 6 year old tried to pee in the fridge once. My husband says that he used to sleepwalk when he was little, but doesn’t now.

    I guess my only worry would be that he’d get past you and into one of the kids rooms – trying to protect them, of course, in the middle of the night – it might be a bit scary…

  27. 27
    Kerry September 9, 2007 at 10:44 am #

    Thank you both so much! I haven’t laughed in a few days and I SO needed that! My husband is a sleep walker and I can so relate to these late night episodes; mowing the rug, finding batteries for his ear… My kids do it too.

    Thank you Otto for being so entertaining, and thank you Mir for sharing. Your stress is not in vain!

  28. 28
    Dani September 9, 2007 at 10:53 am #

    Night-terrors/talking in your sleep/sleep-walking are all related and all hereditary. My son is at least the fifth generation in my family that I know of.

    When the night terrors started with him at about 2.5-3 years old I spent a lot of time trying to get him to tell me what he was screaming about. One horrible, horrible sleepless night I gave up and said, “Okay. We’ll talk about it in the morning.” and dammit… he rolled over and went back to sleep! From then on all I had to say was that or simply, “Time to go back to sleep.” and it was over. Any other conversation was not only useless, but it dragged it out longer and made it worse.

    I started keeping track of how far into his sleep this would happen and I pinpointed it to about 5 hours after he went to sleep. I’d go into his room shortly before then and do a little something to disturb him, but not wake him up, like rub his back or fix his blankets. He never had another night terror after that. I think it has something to do with disturbing the sleep pattern of REM, deep sleep, or whatever. Whatever it was, it worked. Maybe Otto can set a small alarm (like his cell phone) to go off at a certain time before it happens? It’s worth a shot. I’d rather be disturbed for few seconds with that than to wake up to a “SNAKE!!!” alarm.

    We also deal with a bit of sleep walking with our son. The first time I saw him do it he was making trip after trip from his bedroom to the living room carrying everything from his room to the living room! I sat there wondering “WTF is this kid doing??”. After the third trip and me repeatedly asking him what he was doing I realized he was sleep-walking and used the same “Time to go back to sleep” method that I used with the terrors… it worked. Oh, and he also came into my bedroom one night and was getting ready to pee behind my bedroom door. Thank GOD I was in there and caught him before he did it.

    Oh, and me? At 35 I no longer sleep-walk like the rest of us freaks. I sleep-eat. Yup. I wake up one or two times most nights and eat cookies, Twinkies, or whatever else I can get my sleepy hands on. Talk about waking up with some reeeeally bad breath in the morning. Eew. And it makes calorie counting kind of tough!

    Good luck!

  29. 29
    The Other Leanne September 9, 2007 at 11:47 am #

    Hide the car keys, Mir.

  30. 30
    Ani September 9, 2007 at 11:57 am #

    I chuckled (shudderingly) at the snake.

    I chuckled at the pillowcase/chips.

    But the sweet and sour sauce down the floorboards??? THAT made me LOL. Now my husband thinks I’m weird.

    Is there any pattern to when he sleepswalks? Maybe it’s his psyche working out stressful periods of his life. Good luck. Beyond some warm milk with chamonile and honey (and serious amounts of Benadryl?) I have no ass-vice.

  31. 31
    Beth September 9, 2007 at 12:17 pm #

    My ex and I both have had issues with this in the past. I talk. Anyone who knows me in real life doesn’t have any problem believing that ;-) And apparently, while working at a retail costume shop one Halloween, I sat up and proceeded to try to bag my husband. He asked me what I was doing, and I started complaining that he wasn’t fitting into the bag!

    And one time he woke me up, staring fixedly at my ear. Apparently, there was something about a gold fish and my pillow not holding the water… I think my ear was the goldfish, but I’m still not certain.

    All you can do with these things is laugh… and hide the car keys ;-)

  32. 32
    Em September 9, 2007 at 12:21 pm #

    Judging by the comments, it seems to be a pretty common occurence. I do this as well, usually surrounding a stressful time – new jobs, new babies, etc. My 5 year old started kindergarten this week and for the past 2 weeks my husband has been telling me of the adventures we’ve been having at night, searching for spilled water, waking him to have full conversations.

    He also does it rarely (and a little more scarily). He is a police officer and tends to relive things (chases, etc.) and wake up wild eyed. He usually snaps out of it pretty quickly but I’m always so afraid he won’t know its me in front of him.

    So for us both, it seems to be stress related (even good stresses). Maybe he’s still getting used to the year of living changerously? I wonder if the fact that guys aren’t as verbal about their anxieties probably helps to divert them to their sleeping hours when they don’t get to censor themselves.

  33. 33
    Leandra September 9, 2007 at 12:27 pm #

    Oh my gosh! I’m so glad he didn’t hurt you. A friend of my dad’s once had a dream that someone threw a snake into a car he was riding in and he nearly beat his wife senseless trying to get away from the snake.

    I talk in my sleep (and have been known to bag someone’s to go order — looong story) in my sleep — usually when I’m really exhausted and have been doing some kind of repititive task all day.

  34. 34
    Heidi September 9, 2007 at 12:39 pm #

    I was a waitress many years ago, and for years after that, I was plauged by “waitress nightmares.” Once my sweetie asked me what I was doing when I was putting on my pantyhose in the dark in the middle of the night; I told him no one had taken the order at that table yet. He gently explained that we were in our bedroom. Be kind to Otto–it’s horribly embarrassing to wake up and realize you’ve been dreaming.

  35. 35
    Burgh Baby's Mom September 9, 2007 at 12:59 pm #

    Yeah, um, when my husband says there is a “snake in the bed,” he’s talking about something else. Totally skewed where I thought the story was going . . .

    You must head to the store and buy lots and lots and lots of toy snakes. If only because I think it would be funny.

  36. 36
    Mom on Coffee September 9, 2007 at 1:06 pm #

    Holy crap, thats funny.

    My little man just started his sleepwalking adventures. We knew it was coming, he had terrible night terrors around 17mos. It was Friday night in fact, when he started out the door around 1am to get his sister. Where she was we don’t know, but he HAD TO GO GET HER.

  37. 37
    Lulu September 9, 2007 at 1:37 pm #

    Oh, I must admit that I just laughed out loud. It obviously makes for some wonderful, er disturbing, enterainment. However, I do understand your stress with this situation! My husband often talks in his sleep, but it’s usually just a random word or sentence, thank goodness.

  38. 38
    Gina September 9, 2007 at 2:15 pm #

    Yow! That would be unnerving after a while. My mother tells me that both my brother and I would sleepwalk alot as kids. I used to always warn people before sleepovers, etc that I talk in my sleep, don’t worry if I mumble alot.

    BUT! I found that if I ate less sugar, especially before bed (ie no late-night ice cream, etc) I sleep better, have less freaky dreams and NO MORE talking in my sleep! It’s great. I do remember eating lots of sugar as a kid, too, so maybe that was our cause.

    Good luck! I always say look at diet before anything else; it’s the root of many things that “mainstream” doctors just want to fix with sleeping pills, etc.

  39. 39
    Susan September 9, 2007 at 3:57 pm #

    OMG, my husband can SO EMPATHIZE with you. (I laughed hysterically while reading this outloud to him.) Ours usually consist of my screaming and waking him from a deep sleep, and then flipping out saying, “THERE IS SOMETHING IN THE BED! THERE’S A SPIDER THAT JUST CRAWLED OVER ME!” — and then insisting I AM AWAKE and I’M NOT DREAMING.

    Sound familiar? ;-)

    Those are actually called night terrors, and from what I’ve researched, there’s not much that can be done about them.

    They pretty much suck. For our spouses, that is…

  40. 40
    All Adither September 9, 2007 at 4:55 pm #

    I’m sorry you have to go through that. But it makes a great story!

    My 2-year-old talks in her sleep quite a bit. She always says the same thing: “No, I don’t want to.” Which, coincidentally, is what she says when she’s awake too.

  41. 41
    jean September 9, 2007 at 6:19 pm #

    This is the funniest story! I needed a belly laugh and you came thru for me.

  42. 42
    chris September 9, 2007 at 8:26 pm #

    I still think you need to get a stun gun.

  43. 43
    Daisy September 9, 2007 at 8:51 pm #

    Snakes? Peeing in the refrigerator? Pulling open a pillow, thinking it was chips? I have to know: did the guy with the pillow wake up a little down in the mouth? Never mind…just go to sleep.

  44. 44
    maman September 9, 2007 at 10:13 pm #

    Ummmm… I do that. I don’t see snakes… I see spiders. Big giant ones.

    Nevermind… go back to sleep

  45. 45
    Lisa September 9, 2007 at 10:43 pm #

    I’m sorry…I don’t have any advice whatsoever to give, but I do have to say that the way you told this story was so hilarious that I had tears running down my face as I read it out loud to my husband…who also had tears running down his face.
    Good luck with figuring out what to do!

  46. 46
    ScottsdaleGirl September 10, 2007 at 3:39 am #

    The Prince will start yelling at people, who must be the Viet Cong – even though he is um, 40. Because it always sounds very military and well like he is fighting the Viet Cong. A man bellowing kill orders in the middle of the night in your bedroom is always disconcerting…but a snake? that would fuhreak me out.

  47. 47
    Lady M September 10, 2007 at 6:59 am #

    Good thing he’s cute. Must be saving his life. (What I tell myself when facing the toddler some days.)

  48. 48
    Stef September 10, 2007 at 7:38 am #

    you just described me…i dream, i know i am dreaming but i see all the action as if it’s reality…with my eyes open…it’s related to stress, in my case anyway…have mercy on poor otto…it’s very embarrassing, ask me…but there’s not much you can do!

  49. 49
    mbbored September 10, 2007 at 9:07 am #

    My boyfriend likes to talk about crackers in his sleep.

    “There are no corners! The Ritz! Can’t compute!”

    “Mmm. Salty on top. Where are the Saltines?”

    Except he doesn’t like crackers. Sure, if we’re at a frou-frou party, he’ll use some of those water crackers to convey fancy cheeses to his mouth, but other than that, no crackers pass his lips.

  50. 50
    Summer September 10, 2007 at 9:19 am #

    I don’t know much about sleepwalking, but clearly you do have some expertise in this matter. So people can talk and answer questions while asleep? That would go a long way toward explaining an odd night disturbance my son had a few days ago. I thought he must have been awake, since he was answering questions and saying sensible things like “I can’t stop making this noise” (which was SCREAMING and also CRYING and was VERY LOUD). But perhaps he was asleep after all. I can tell you with great certainty, though, that I was NOT asleep during it.

    However, compared to some of the stories in the comments, I can see that I got off lucky with a mere 15 minutes of screaming. My fridge is still rather new and I am inordinately fond of it.

  51. 51
    Jamie September 10, 2007 at 9:34 am #

    My 7 year old wakes in the night and says strange stuff. For him it started as night terrors when he was about 2. Most of the time he cries and cries. I try not to get upset with him, but when he wakes me up and I am afraid he is going to wake everyone else it is hard to stay nice and calm. But I do the ‘ssshhh, it’s ok, lie down’ and it works most of the time. He never remembers in the morning either.

    So, I guess from reading about Otto this might not be something that he outgrows. Greeeeeat.

  52. 52
    Aimee September 10, 2007 at 10:54 am #

    Well, I’m glad there *wasn’t* a snake! Poor you… poor Otto. Maybe something to de-stress before bed? I wish I had a better suggestion.

    The pillow/bag of chips is pretty funny, though.

  53. 53
    Bri September 10, 2007 at 1:43 pm #

    This is me, and it’s so embarrassing. One night, I had a headache when staying over at my ex-boyfriend’s house, so I went to bed early. I slept right through an hour of him weightlifting on the other side of the room only to wake up yelling about the spiders in the bed. I can clearly remember seeing the tiny spiders crawling across the sheets and trying to brush them off with my hands. My boyfriend came running to kill the giant spider I insisted had run behind a piece of furniture. He searched for a bit until he realized that I had said a giant RED spider. He still makes fun of me for this.

  54. 54
    Flea September 10, 2007 at 1:50 pm #

    What fun! My husband walked and peed in his sleep as a kid – his mom says she had to replace the dresser drawers because of it. Now he talks occasionally, and several people have have commented with what works for us. After having a fun conversation and drawing as much nonsense information out of him as I can (I like the sleep conversations), I gently tell him to go back to sleep and he does. Kinda like poking him when he snores and telling him to lie on his side. He just does it.

  55. 55
    mama speak September 10, 2007 at 2:15 pm #

    My BFF growning up used to sleep walk (I haven’t asked if she still does it). When she was about 5 she got up one night, opened the hall closet door, closed herself in the hall closet and puked all over the vacuum. Her folks heard a door opening & closing and knew she was sleep walking, but it took them a while to find her. (Apparently she was dreaming that she’d gone in the bathroom to hurl in the toilet.) They found her in the closet “washing her hands”. The vacuum was never the same after that.

  56. 56
    Angel September 11, 2007 at 9:02 am #

    My sisters and I used to sleepwalk (usually during/after illness). Then I outgrew it…my one sister didn’t. She called her boyfriend in the middle of the night when she was in college. We figured it was stress.

    There are natural remedies for sleep/restless leg–maybe give it a try? My husband kicks in his sleep. Ayiyiyi.

  57. 57
    Shalee September 11, 2007 at 10:52 am #

    Hey, I think I might have the answer to this one because my husband used to do this night activity too. (Note the “used to” bit.) We discovered, after much trial and error, that his allergies were causing him to have all sorts of weird walking dreams/sleep talking activities. So now he takes a decongestant and he’s on the WalMart version of Claritin and life is good again. Otto’s forrays may be solved with the same simple OTC meds and you can have a great night sleep again.

    *I’d post about some of the highly comical situations that I’ve found my husband or the sitcom scenarios, but Mr. Right said he would kill me if I did. Although I don’t think he really means it, I’m erring on the side of caution in this case… Too bad because they really would make great blog fodder.

  58. 58
    Shari September 11, 2007 at 1:02 pm #

    Oh dear. SNAKES!!!

    ROFLOL.

    I have to say that I know that story all too well, except I have spider dreams. I have only walked in my sleep or had other night terrors a few times, but for YEARS it was huge 2′ across spiders looming over the bed and dropping down. Somewhere in the air between the bed and the light switch I would wake up. Then I would stand there for a few minutes trying to convince myself it wasn’t real, or rifling delicately through the covers trying to unearth the demonic creature. At some point I learned to use the vision test to help me determine if they were real. If I was standing at the light switch without my glasses on, and could remember every hairy leg, then I knew it was a dream. Then, all I had to do was wait for the adrenaline to work its way out of my system. My Mom and sister had different night terrors.

    Best wishes to you for getting a good night’s sleep. It may be startling to you, but it is conforting to know that I am not alone!

  59. 59
    Jenifer September 11, 2007 at 1:31 pm #

    I really shouldn’t laugh….

    but, come on, it’s too damn funny not to!

  60. 60
    Taylor September 11, 2007 at 1:59 pm #

    Holy crap. I would have just up and died right there the moment that he said, “Mir, I am awake. There is a snake in the bed.” I mean DIED. That would be the scariest thing I can imagine.

    Though, I once woke up convinced I was being electrocuted because my fan was making an odd buzzing sound. I literally THRE myself on the floor, convinced that I had to get out of the electrical current that was somehow gluing me to my bed.

    Crazy things happen in the sleep/awake state.

  61. 61
    carrien September 11, 2007 at 10:08 pm #

    My mom’s husband fights people in his sleep. She often slips out of bed and goes to the spare room on nights when she’s been smacked in the face to many times by a thrashing sleeping man.

    My BIL when he was very young dreamed that the house was on fire and that he needed to rescue everyone, The kid was a sleep walker and so his brothers watched horrified as he PUT HIS FOOT THROUGH THE BEDROOM WINDOW in order to create an escape route. They worried all the time that he would find his father’s guns in his sleep and shoot them to defend against whatever he was dreaming was attacking his family.

    Maybe you could tie him to the bed?

  62. 62
    Shalee September 13, 2007 at 11:02 am #

    Mir, when I discussed this with Mr. Right he said I forgot to include the bit about avoiding milk products at night. For some reason, milk seems to acerbate this condition too. There. I’ve done my wifely duty and won’t bother you about it again.

  63. 63
    Emily September 15, 2007 at 1:57 pm #

    How has nobody mentioned Snakes on a Mother F***ing Plane yet? That made me laugh SO hard, thank you!
    My boyfriend has ‘jumpy legs’ and kicks in the night. Often he turns around 180 degrees in his sleep and on a few occasions when he’s really wiggly I have crawled to the foot of the bed and stroked his calf saying ‘Ryan? Ryan can you turn around and lie normally please? I can’t sleep.’ and he wakes up thinking I’m the crazy one…

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