I am the world’s worst traveller.
I’m prone to motion sickness. I wear dorky wristbands with pressure points. I have to pee a lot. If I’m driving I’m a cranky driver and a lousy passenger. If I’m flying I’m nervous.
Worse than all of these, I like things to be JUST SO. Do you know how often things are JUST SO when you go outside of your tightly controlled home environment? Hint: NOT OFTEN ENOUGH.
Oddly enough, I love to travel. I look forward to it. I get excited about it. I have trouble sleeping the night before, and stare up at the ceiling in the dark, curling and uncurling my toes, willing myself to fall asleep so that I can wake up and get going.
So, today (gah, YESTERDAY; I have got to stop staying up past midnight), I did everything one does before taking a trip. Inbetween making my children miserable and getting my regular work done, I wrangled load after load of laundry. I paid my bills online and I scrubbed the kitchen sink. (Not at the same time. And don’t ask; if you don’t get it, you don’t understand. There is zen in cleaning the house before you leave it.) I peered suspiciously at my clothes and mixed and matched outfits and pondered shoes and painted my toenails. I cleaned out my car and pulled old receipts from my purse and took out the trash. I found my Sudoku book and sharpened pencils and cursed at my broken MP3 player and packed a few more books.
Now I’ve got about twelve hours before I leave, and I should be in bed, but I’m not ready yet. I need to go over my bag again, need to go over what all I’ve packed and whether I did everything I need to do.
I am going over this last week… this last year… the last two, three, ten, fifteen years.
Every moment in life moves us along to the next, and every experience prepares us for what is to follow. I want to know when I started on this particular path. I want to pinpoint each event which has prepared me, unwittingly or not, for what is about to come. I can’t, of course. So many times in recent memory I have struggled to understand WHY things were happening as they did, and what meaning I was supposed to glean from them. I may have a better sense, now, but I’ll still have to wait and see, I suppose.
There’s only so much you can figure out in the dark, even if you’re really good at curling and uncurling your toes. Sometimes you just have to wait and see.
In the meantime, I’m about to embark on an adventure. I’ve done all the preparation I can, and now there’s nothing left to do but… go.
Wish me luck.