There are a few things in this world that can bring me to my knees in reverence. The pure elation–or hard-won growth–of one of my children. Really good, labor-of-love cuisine. A perfect melding of personalities. Selfless attention to those in need. Desire born of spirit rather than excess hormones. Honesty. Correction: Difficult honesty.
It’s easy to be honest when there’s nothing at stake, and too few people willing to be truthful when it matters.
Sometimes, I make excuses for those who are dishonest with me. I’m trying to convince myself that I can’t expect more. That it’s my (unrealistic) expectations that lead to my inability to find peace, oftentimes, rather than the guile of others.
And sometimes, the kick-start of someone else’s honesty reminds me that the truth of any moment is perfect. Such a perfect moment is a moment I can actually BE in without commentary or judgement. For a change.
Today has been… oh, I can’t even explain. I’m still a bit in shock. Part of me completely expected Monkey to eat that first peanut and go into anaphylaxis. I’m just so grateful that my kid gets to be a normal kid and I no longer have to worry about him being harmed by a substance that can be found on or with the average American child about 85% of the time. It’s a huge relief. I’ve spent the entire afternoon having little flashes of HOORAYs.
HOORAY, we can fly any airline we want now!
HOORAY, we can have Thai food!
HOORAY, we can go to a baseball game or the circus!
HOORAY, I can buy generic (nut-contaminated) granola bars!
So, today? Today is easy to celebrate.
But I have to say, yesterday was a pretty remarkable day, too. In a very different way.
Yesterday, someone dear to me spoke her heart even though most other people would’ve felt it “wrong” or “bad” to do so. Through her eyes, clarity was mine for a minute… because she honored her own feelings, and was brave enough to share them with me.
I saw that I am not alone in my weaknesses.
I saw that I am indeed on the cusp of a new adventure that will take me somewhere wonderful (even if I end up kicking and screaming the entire way, because I’m bratty like that).
I saw that although I may instinctively focus on what I lack and yearn for, it’s a simple perspective change to realize my blessings are plentiful.
Best of all: What she cannot see for herself, I can envision with ease and certainty. Funny; that made me realize that maybe she is similarly clear-eyed in her assessment of me, too. We can each see the gaps in the fabric of the other’s life filling in and mending, even as we fret over our own perceived shortcomings.
Yeah, I love my friends who make me laugh. I love good company, and sharp minds. When all of that comes with a candor that has no agenda beyond valuing the moment for all the things it IS as well as for all the things it is NOT? It’s a balm that soothes my future-fretting and roots me to the spot.
Present. And ready. Because the truth is constant; it’s how we navigate it, and those who fuel us, that define the journey.