Right here, right now

There are a few things in this world that can bring me to my knees in reverence. The pure elation–or hard-won growth–of one of my children. Really good, labor-of-love cuisine. A perfect melding of personalities. Selfless attention to those in need. Desire born of spirit rather than excess hormones. Honesty. Correction: Difficult honesty.

It’s easy to be honest when there’s nothing at stake, and too few people willing to be truthful when it matters.

Sometimes, I make excuses for those who are dishonest with me. I’m trying to convince myself that I can’t expect more. That it’s my (unrealistic) expectations that lead to my inability to find peace, oftentimes, rather than the guile of others.

And sometimes, the kick-start of someone else’s honesty reminds me that the truth of any moment is perfect. Such a perfect moment is a moment I can actually BE in without commentary or judgement. For a change.

Today has been… oh, I can’t even explain. I’m still a bit in shock. Part of me completely expected Monkey to eat that first peanut and go into anaphylaxis. I’m just so grateful that my kid gets to be a normal kid and I no longer have to worry about him being harmed by a substance that can be found on or with the average American child about 85% of the time. It’s a huge relief. I’ve spent the entire afternoon having little flashes of HOORAYs.

HOORAY, we can fly any airline we want now!
HOORAY, we can have Thai food!
HOORAY, we can go to a baseball game or the circus!
HOORAY, I can buy generic (nut-contaminated) granola bars!
Etc.

So, today? Today is easy to celebrate.

But I have to say, yesterday was a pretty remarkable day, too. In a very different way.

Yesterday, someone dear to me spoke her heart even though most other people would’ve felt it “wrong” or “bad” to do so. Through her eyes, clarity was mine for a minute… because she honored her own feelings, and was brave enough to share them with me.

I saw that I am not alone in my weaknesses.
I saw that I am indeed on the cusp of a new adventure that will take me somewhere wonderful (even if I end up kicking and screaming the entire way, because I’m bratty like that).
I saw that although I may instinctively focus on what I lack and yearn for, it’s a simple perspective change to realize my blessings are plentiful.

Best of all: What she cannot see for herself, I can envision with ease and certainty. Funny; that made me realize that maybe she is similarly clear-eyed in her assessment of me, too. We can each see the gaps in the fabric of the other’s life filling in and mending, even as we fret over our own perceived shortcomings.

Yeah, I love my friends who make me laugh. I love good company, and sharp minds. When all of that comes with a candor that has no agenda beyond valuing the moment for all the things it IS as well as for all the things it is NOT? It’s a balm that soothes my future-fretting and roots me to the spot.

Present. And ready. Because the truth is constant; it’s how we navigate it, and those who fuel us, that define the journey.

10 Responses to “Right here, right now”

  1. 1
    Bob September 16, 2005 at 8:43 am #

    You have a rare and beautiful thing in your friend. Most friends are good at being cheerleaders, encouraging you when you need it. It is unusual to have a friend with the courage to tell you the things you don’t or won’t want to hear. Y

    You are unusual in that you were able to listen to what you were being told and recognize it for what it was – advice from someone who values you and has your best interests at heart. That makes you as special as your friend.

    I envy you this relationship, and hope continues throughout a long and fruitful life.

  2. 2
    Amy-GO September 16, 2005 at 9:06 am #

    Oooh, that friend is definitely a keeper. My mother used to say “Only your best friend will tell you what you don’t want to hear.” She’s SO right. I think we can all use an occasional kick in the britches when it comes to counting our blessings. Thank God for friends who don’t pull punches!

  3. 3
    ben September 16, 2005 at 11:10 am #

    Hey, another cricket here…

    I read this, and immediately thought of Shrek:

    SHREK: Why are you following me?DONKEY: Cause I’m all alone. There’s no one here beside me. My problems have all gone, there’s no one to deride me. But you gotta have friends -SHREK: Stop singing! Why that’s no wonder why you don’t have friends. DONKEY: Wow! Only a true friend would be that truly honest.

    And I thought that after such a beautiful post, I shouldn’t be posting shrek script in return.

    But, then, I thought maybe it might not be so bad.

  4. 4
    shannon September 16, 2005 at 11:12 am #

    Friends. I think it’s a word people throw around all to easily. I consider a friend someone you can be completely honest with. Someone you can be yourself with. Someone who has seen you at your worst and your best and been there to help you up and dust you off…as well as celebrate with champagne.

  5. 5
    Leanne September 16, 2005 at 11:19 am #

    1. If you had told me you were going to have a revelation (read: new entry) in the middle of the night, I would have waited up to be the first one to chirp, and you know it. I like to be first.

    2. Your friend is a good friend. Scratch that, a GREAT friend. Because only a great friend will tell you when it’s a good time to shut the hell up. ;)

    I prefer honesty, brutal honesty, over sugar and spice. So I can and do appreciate that in any friendship.

    It’s true too, that if you lower your expectations of people, they tend to exceed them. There are far fewer disappointments that way!

  6. 6
    Karen September 16, 2005 at 12:48 pm #

    Lovely, inspirational post. One which I think I’ll be returning to read as I go through my journey.

    Thanks so much. For this, I officially forgive you for eating my child.

  7. 7
    Lizzie September 16, 2005 at 1:12 pm #

    Your friend is very lucky to have you in her life, too.

    And, btw, this post is “the balm!”

  8. 8
    KimberlyDi September 16, 2005 at 4:33 pm #

    *Cricket chirp* *Chricket chirp*

    If there were a lack of comments on this post, it’s only because it was a bit profound. And I personally was too intimidated to attempt a comment that was worthy enough. *Cricket chirp* *Chricket chirp*

    If there were a lack of comments on this post, it’s only because it was a bit profound. And I personally was too intimidated to attempt a comment that was worthy enough.

  9. 9
    dad September 17, 2005 at 8:24 pm #

    Amen.

  10. 10
    Kira September 19, 2005 at 12:05 am #

    Love you, dear.

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