Many of my loved ones are people I characterize as being islands. You know the sort–they can HANDLE it, all by themselves, thankyouverymuch. In times of adversity I am always one of the first to smack these people around and say “You don’t NEED to be an island. Let some people in… you may be pleasantly surprised at how much it HELPS.”
Of course, I know this island sort, because I am one of them.
I believe in asking for help when you need it. But I don’t need it, you see.
Okay, so sometimes I need it. Little by little, I have figured out the areas in my life where I require help, and even more slowly, I’ve learned to reach out in those cases.
Except that now, I am flailing amidst a whole new kind of crisis, and it managed to fall on the same weekend when I have company. Lucky me! Lucky them! Needless to say this is helping my anxiety level tremendously, as there’s nothing better than having anxiety attacks unless it’s having anxiety attacks in front of the one person I desperately don’t want to have see me like this.
An interesting thing is happening. I’m still a mess. I’m still hating where I’m at, still feeling like much of the logic center of my brain has been taken hostage by vorpal bunnies. But I am also seeing that I don’t have to hide it. I can even need acceptance and comfort and receive them. No one is running away.
I’m still scared out of my mind.
But it’s better, now. I’m not alone.