Woulda Coulda Shoulda

Love’s ahoy, wherever we are

by Mir on July 22, 2010 in Haven't been hit by lightning yet!

We’re packing up and heading home; as always, this trip has had its ups and downs, but it’s still bittersweet to close up the camper and hitch up and drive back to everyday life.

As I walked through the campground this morning, I chuckled (as I always do) at the different things people do to personalize their campers. There’s all sorts of signs (“The Smiths Second Home!” and “Kick off your shoes and grab a beer!” and such) and strings of lights and even hanging plants and lawn ornaments. Our camper is bland by comparison. But we do put up our flag as soon as we park, just as a reminder of what we, as a family, stand for.

(It either means that the family that laughs together stays together, or that rotten children should totally look out. I can never remember which.)

Happy Love Thursday, everyone. Whatever form love takes for you and yours, don’t leave home without it.

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Are you ready to go camping?

by Mir on July 21, 2010 in Haven't been hit by lightning yet!

Yesterday turned out to be one of those days where we look around at the end of it and say, “… and let us never speak of it again.” Nothing horrible, really, just not a good day in terms of patience and kindness to your fellow family members. It turns out that sometimes absence DOES make the heart grow fonder, especially if you’re talking about escaping a small box by taking a walk for a while. So.

Accordingly, then, rather than regaling you with more tales of our exploits, I thought there’s been so much general interest in camping that I might help some of the on-the-fence amongst you decide if camping is right for your family. You know, because I’m an expert. Or I play one on the Internet. Or something. I forget.

Really, there are just a few key things you need to ask yourself if you’re considering taking your family camping. And—as usual—I’m here to help. Don’t be scared. (more…)

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Loving family environment

by Mir on July 20, 2010 in Haven't been hit by lightning yet!

The reason we got a camper is because my idea of “roughing it” is raising children. And having a place to plug in my crock pot. Details. Our camper is neither large nor fancy, but it did allow us to have veggie chili for dinner last night (seriously, a crock pot while camping is AWESOME) while sitting in our little air-conditioned box. And that is awesome because it is currently 95 degrees and a billion percent humidity every day here at Myrtle Beach.

[Digression: If I had a nickel for every time I found myself turning to Otto and saying, "Have you MET these children?", I could retire. Yesterday Otto said it was "just a short walk" over to the boardwalk, and a mile and two melting, complaining children later, we scrapped the expedition in favor of ice cream. Otto was disappointed and somewhat exasperated. I would like to stipulate that in this weather, there is NO SUCH THING as a short walk. I may not whine the way the kids do, but seriously, that was the fast track to heat stroke, right there.]

Anyway, vacation is all about making memories. I have no doubt we’ll be telling the one about how Otto led us on the neverending walk for YEARS! Plus dinnertime is always good for magic moments. (more…)

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Operation Beach Dog

by Mir on July 19, 2010 in Oh look! Something furry!!

We have already discussed the fact that Licorice appears to suffer from PTSD (Post Traumatic Suitcase Disorder), wherein the very sight of packing sends her into a neurotic tizzy. So it was no surprise when the whirlwind of pack-up-the-camper activity on Saturday found her alternately pacing the house and hiding under furniture. That was to be expected.

What was slightly less expected was when we finally strapped her crate into the truck and took off on Sunday… and she proceeded to cry and whine for the entire first hour. In desperation, we stopped and walked her a bit—maybe she just had to poop, rather than that she was just being a pain in the ass—but back in the truck she continued to whimper and shiver and generally be pitiful. That was no problem at all, because it was only about a 6-hour drive to our destination. ACK.

After another fifteen minutes or so, she resigned herself to her fate and lay down, quietly. She continued to shoot martyred glares at us, periodically, but the rest of the drive was uneventful. (more…)

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My mind is a machine

by Mir on July 17, 2010 in Haven't been hit by lightning yet!, What do I do all day?

Tomorrow we leave on our last camping trip of the summer, and I want you to know that because I am a paragon of planning and efficiency, I have not done one single thing to prepare. NOT ONE. I mean, I wanted to. I PLANNED to. And yet… yeah. Nothing.

Remember back when I was all “Oh, this summer is going to be so relaxing! I can’t wait!”? While I am not actually admitting to smoking crack, let’s just say I’m not sure I was entirely WITH myself when I said that. I simply don’t DO relaxing, because it takes a lot of energy to consistently be this disorganized.

Take yesterday, for example. We were having some friends come over to hang out and swim. I try to keep work light on Fridays specifically so that I can do these sorts of things, particularly in the summer. So I got up totally ready to have a superfun day, stress-free. (more…)

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Love knows the routine

by Mir on July 15, 2010 in Offspring: ecstasy and agony

We are more than halfway through the Summer of Pitching In, and have met with varying levels of success on that particular front. Someone—and I am not naming any names, but it is someone who lives here—has not been so much a fan of the whole “helping out” concept. That particular someone has participated very grudgingly, and appears to expect a ticker-tape parade in celebration of every semi-useful activity said person deigns to commit. (Said person has been extremely disappointed by our reaction to said “helpfulness.”)

And then there is Monkey. Monkey is the kind of kid who would happily give you the shirt off his back. (Heck, he’d give you his pants, too, if you weren’t there covering your eyes and yelling “DUDE! PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!”) The Summer of Pitching In is just his speed, because he has little difficulty discerning how to help, and helping is His Thing. He loves nothing more than to make life easier for those around him when he can, possibly because he is all too aware of ways in which he (unintentionally) sometimes makes things harder.

If I asked Monkey to scrub the floor with a toothbrush, I’m pretty sure he’d only pause long enough to ask 1) what kind of soap to use and 2) if it was okay to use his sister’s toothbrush before getting to work. (more…)

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Lush on the town

by Mir on July 14, 2010 in Haven't been hit by lightning yet!, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

We try very hard to do a few special things with each kid when we have just one of them, so last night we took Monkey out for dinner to his favorite restaurant. What he likes best about it is that the nachos are not so much tortilla chips covered in cheese as they are a plate of cheese with a tortilla garnish.

What Otto and I like best about it is that the margaritas are very cheap. So.

Somehow we got sucked into one of those circuitous conversations where Literal Boy’s brain has a small short-circuit; I had said something about pants that accentuated my hips (no, I don’t know why were taking about this), and Monkey said he wasn’t sure what accentuated meant, so Otto—ever the teacher—asked him what word he could find in “accentuate,” so Monkey thought about it and proudly exclaimed “ACCENT!”

“That’s right,” said Otto. “So from that, can you figure it out?” (more…)

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Operator! Gimme a nickel!

by Mir on July 13, 2010 in Health is overrated, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

I appreciate all of the commiseration on yesterday’s post. Misery truly does love company, and slogging through the tween/teen trenches is made a bit easier by knowing that many of you are dealing with similar issues. (Though I must say that my dad’s comment on my behavior at that age was a nice touch. Ahem.)

Thusly bolstered, I was ready to get back to Doing For Her Highness; specifically, I was ready to play another round of Medical Telephone on her behalf.

When we last left off in the rash saga, the New Specialist was leaning heavily towards a nickel allergy, even though Chickadee has already tested negative. New Specialist insisted we could order a nickel test kit for at-home use, for only $15, and we would soon have our answer. “Just put the patch on her and wait three days and tell us what happens!” She even gave us the phone number and item number of said kit. That sounded odd to me, but whatever. We told her we’d order the kit. (more…)

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Love languages, somewhat lost in translation

by Mir on July 12, 2010 in Haven't been hit by lightning yet!, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

I meant to do another (final) installment of Otto Week, over the weekend, but I turned out to be too busy with my favorite boy-type people to get around to it. See, on Saturday Monkey came back, and on Sunday, Otto returned. Of course, Chickadee left on Saturday, so I still don’t have the entire family here, but that’s okay for right now.

Digression, except not really, because this is probably going to be kind of long: Are all 12-year-old girls sociopaths, or just mine? I’m asking for real. Because she’s positively charming and I cannot get enough of her and everything is super awesome right up until her head starts spinning around. So we had this really fun week right up until the couple of days before she left, whereupon she promptly morphed into Princess Gimme of Ungratefulville (population: JUST ONE, BITCHES), and I began counting down the minutes until her departure.

And the last time I wrote about this (though I can’t find it now, because I am lazy) I got a few SUPER HELPFUL comments about how my daughter only behaves disrespectfully because I let her, so needless to say, as I am still lacking in both powers of omnipotence and telekinesis, I guess I’m still “allowing” said poor behavior and should be mocked accordingly. Ahem. (more…)

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Don’t. Stop. No, really, don’t stop!

by Mir on July 9, 2010 in Haven't been hit by lightning yet!, Ottomatic For the People

Pardon the brief interruption. We now return you to our regularly-scheduled Otto Week.

Sometimes I wonder if I do poke at Otto just a little too much. I mean, I love him to pieces, and I’m pretty sure he knows that, but I’m also just kind of a jerk, sometimes. And that’s aside from the fact that I suspect it’s hard to be married to someone who regularly tells the Internet “Hey, this totally embarrassing thing happened! Let me describe it to you in EXCRUCIATING DETAIL!”

Other times, I figure it’s just part of that whole we-are-totally-meant-to-be-together thing that he puts up with and maybe even enjoys the abuse. (Uh, not like that. Sheesh.)

Every now and then—like this morning—I get confirmation that this is so. (more…)

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