Woulda Coulda Shoulda

OK, Jilbur, that does it. I was going to comment on your entry, but since you are being sooooo petty, I am just going to make it into a post! Humph.

I am very glad indeed to hear that Mir is chipper. I did let her know before her operation that I felt much better than I ever believed possible after each of my c-sections, and that her fears were probably worse than the reality. Having said that, heed my warning: do not stretch out the intervals between pain medication dosages. Payback is a bitch.

Reading Jilbur’s comment about Mir being out of bed already, I remembered all the cruel feats they expect you to perform after abdominal surgery. For one, they insist you get up and walk that very day, if only to the door and back. They try like hell to make you go further, but a loop to the door and back pretty much lets the nurse check that one off. For another, they will not let you have any kind of solid food until you can demonstrate resumption of peristalsis.

That’s right, you must fart for your supper. To quote Mir, you’re welcome.

The first time I heard this particular request, I was flabbergasted, and then amused. I finally asked a nurse why in blue blazes (as it were) eveyone wanted to know if I was farty, and she calmly informed me that once I was tooting again, they could be sure that my digestive system was operational and could tolerate an overcooked chicken breast and an oatmeal cookie.

So, Mir, fart away, It’s likely to be the last time you’ll get to do it, boast about it, and be rewarded with food for your efforts.

Unless of course, you decide to meet up with Jibur and me in the fall! We’ll think up all kinds of fun feats and rewards!

If this were my blog, I’d go on a rant about the incredibly annoying day I’ve just finished up on, but as I am supposed to be on my best behavior, I’ll just say that here is the info that I would have posted three hours ago if I didn’t instead have to play a maddening game of “Hurry Up And Wait” with my beloved, frequently enriched-by-me Firestone dealership:

At about 3PM EST, I phoned Mir in her room and let me tell you, I was shocked, just shocked. She sounded …

GREAT! I haven’t been this surprised since after labor when they put my baby on my belly, and it actually looked like a baby and not like one of those aliens in the Weekly World News.

Anyway, it was a very brief convo because her pal was visiting, but my goodness, she’s no cheap narcotics date, this girl: she sounded as alert on Vicodin as she would have been after a triple-double cappucino on a Sunday morning.

And apart from the knowledge that she was no longer actually on an operating table, I got little else in the way of detailed info except: she’s already had a little walk down the hall, even (next stop: the surgical-convalescent Olympics!), and that her doc said they thought that the state of her previous interior looked unmenacing. Innocuous. I don’t know–I’m just a guest-blogger; fill in the good-news adjective of your choice.

Mindy, I’m two up on you, girl. Not that I’m counting …

Pant, pant… I am here at last, and as usual, Jilbur is a bit quicker than I am. Curse you and your New England ways!!

I am soooo relieved to hear that Mir has come though OK, and that she so far does not appear to have a wrench or anything else left behind where it doesn’t belong. We can only hope that her doctors read this article as well before starting in on her…

I just got off the phone with the lead nurse on Mir’s floor: she’s in her room, sleeping. So–that’s the end of Chapter 1 in the gripping saga, How I Went To The Hospital and All My Neurotic Friends Showed Me How Much They Love Me.

Jilbur here with the first Mir status update!
I got antsy and didn’t wait for the email Mir told me expect, and yes, you can expect me to be that kind of guest blogger … Anyway, I phoned the hospital myself, and as of now (around 3PM EST) she’s still in recovery–but I’ll follow up within the next hour or two to report that she’s safely in her room!

And! Nothing very entertaining! on this! guest blog entry! But stay tuned! I’d like Mindy and me to be able to truthfully say that we drove Mir’s stats up while she was gone, because I’m certain that any increase in traffic will stay with her upon her return; so everyone do your part and refresh! refresh! refresh! Do I sound like Dr. Bronners yet! Okay!